What Is CEN? How Am I working on it?

https://www.mb104.com/lnk.asp?o=16500&c=918277&a=326272&k=F6DD0DD3215575D9F031E706F11712E0&l=17677

Childhood emotional neglect is a term coined by Dr. Jonice Webb, author of Running on Empty: Overcoming Your Childhood Emotional Neglect, and Running on Empty No More: Transform Your Relationship With Your Partner, Your Parents and Your Child. I grew up in a format where my family didn’t always pay attention to me. I was in my room alone half the time, although I had friends who would come over. Neglect does any number of things to you according to my reading. I have less compassion for myself than I have for others. I need a balance.

Empty people thrill-seek. They need something to fill the void. My family has their own neglect issues to sort through, which is why they did that to me without knowing what it is they were doing. Counter-dependent people remember their childhood as lonely at times. I was often either in my tree house or in my bedroom in the house we lived in from the time I was like 5 to 12. Unrealistic self-appraisal is something I have overcome this year, by learning what I like, dislike and how not to overemphasize my weaknesses.

I have guilt and shame issues because I hide my emotions so that others cannot see them. They only see happy, occasional anger, and positivity over all. I bowl people over with the perennial positive attitude. My fatal flaw is a fear of getting close to people, as I fear anybody betraying my trust again like a friend of mine did by skipping her medication, as well as having obvious “I’m-with-an-abuser” personality changes. I have immense trouble with nurturing self and others, as I try to hide any needy anything. I try to be never needy Iria although one thing I do not have trouble with is self-discipline which I have oodles of, and I try to be aware of my feelings so I do not dabble in alexithymia, much. Also, I have more years of therapy in store, as I had a very traumatic childhood in which I was punished for stuff that really, I didn’t need to be punished for. Now I realize there was nothing to punish. Yes, that weighs heavily on me. I know that my mother had nothing to punish in a constructive way, she only went after me for things she perceived as rude, when maybe it was her. So you see, I try to go no contact whenever I can.