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The Writing Business Is Tough

Don’t get me wrong, I like it, I work hard, and my neighborhood knows it.  But the thing is, one of my old doctors remarked that I’m in the wrong business.  Then again, she has a point, although I’m learning how to manage stress so that fact doesn’t get to me.  Therapy helps you learn stress management.  As it is, I have like three therapists right now.  The thing about life in general is that you have to make an effort, to succeed.  It is not random- the thing about success is that it is planned.  I’m working on learning how to pitch my writing, it will take time to learn-eventually I’m going to publish stuff.  Working hard eventually pays off even if there are no guarantees.

Energetic Boundaries- Cyndi Dale technique/approach

I have to say that I’m trying to read a lot about my energy boundary issues, although I’m trying not to slip into Mule mode, which means my parents get their energy work done for them by me. The mere fact that I have work to do on my own, means that I have to quit doing mom and dad’s work as though my life depends on it. Really, I’m trying to route their energy needs to the Divine even as right now I’m working on my chakra issues using a chakra book that the self-isolation has given me enough time to get done with. If anything, I’m working on that chakra self-help book. I’m working on getting myself the insights I need, but I may start booking readings with psychics at East West bookshop only because I have to start schmoozing more with more than one kind of person, although due to Mr. Hernia I have to be wary of pagans, or for that matter, anybody carrying around the title of “witch.”

12 Century England

Way back in the 12th century, I was in a different body, I was blonde and white. Past life trauma is as real as present-life trauma, having similar effects on mind and body.  In the 12th century, I was a blond girl living in some British township, a costal region so far as I can tell.  I managed to have a boyfriend during this time, and it was years before bubonic plague would hit.  I cannot verify this story’s accuracy yet but someday I will.  My mother was someone who persecuted me religiously for practicing the old religion as Christianity was expanding its hold on England during this time.  I have no way of confirming these statements, but it is a story as it happened in my mind.

            People from my elementary school and my spiritualist church were in this lifetime with me.  I was learning about Christianity while holding on to the Old Religion.  My mother in that lifetime had me burnt at the stake for heresy, turned a whole town against me, and I died knowing full well the sting of her betrayal.  She had my boyfriend burnt at the stake too.  It was fun for her. I have come to realize my mother has been after me in every lifetime. There is fake peace with her, but not real peace of mind or her telling me good job at something I’ve done.

            I’m never going to get many compliments from my mother either.  I’ve decided that I’m just sticking to myself. Yes, 12th century England had a whole town coming after me because of my religious beliefs.  In my current life, this happened when I left the Catholic Church, deciding to practice witchcraft. It is why I want to start the social network for psychics if only to provide a way to help others access proper help for themselves.  My spiritualist church was marginally safe because of one guy there who had a restraining order expire, which left him free to stalk our leader.

            Come to think of it, the Ex’s family was there in this life time too, and the Ex too. I’m just realizing that my support system should include good people who look out for me.  The major trauma I went through was about groups of people turning away from me.  I now feel safer in groups of people having confronted this trauma in Occupational therapy class at San Jose State. Group persecution is real, it happens on this planet a lot to this day, and it leaves its mark on those who go through it.  It is something loners like me don’t feel comfortable going through, being in groups in the first place.

        12th century England could make a good TV show. I mean I had to endure way too much persecution.  I was burnt at the stake and I uncovered this memory, of coughing in the smoke, passing out, and waking up in the after life. My mother in that life time died of the plague just 10 years later when it hit.  Where was my dad during this lifetime?  He was indifferent.  I’m wondering how to find a functional family or set of friends right now.  Friends who bother to take care of me.  I’m busy processing this information.

            My readers seem to want to read more about psychic stuff than they want to read about my business ideas.  Why is that?  I’m sure that stuff is fascinating but I try to keep this blog to the real world.  Okay, so read more about my business posts since I may wind up a famous psychic with a working name divorced from this identity.  Yes, I just feel like writing stuff under a pen name. I’m just working on stuff I need to get done.  The mask stays on despite COVID restrictions being lifted btw.

Lemurian Crystals Help Me For Some Reason

I got myself a Lemurian crystal because I hear they’re a kind of library.  I don’t quite understand what kind of library so I’m going to have to do some research.  But somehow, one Lemurian crystal on my third eye really helps the rattling around in my head of the library that resides in there also.  Lemurian crystals are something I was right about using because they retrieve hidden information.  Right… okay, and I just out of nowhere, thought to buy a Lemurian crystal so as to keep the information in my head organized.

Apparently a Lemurian crystal is a wand shape.  Mine was also Reiki charged since I bought it off of Amazon or eBay or something.  I can’t tell the basics on my crystal but it has ladders on it.  It is a rocket-shaped or something. Gosh my ignorance is showing. Hey psychic readers, I need help figuring stuff out like gee, I come from Lemuria, I’m a starseed kind of person, but I came from further than Lemuria. Fun times.

I guess my crystal helps me function in my body although you know what, there are certain people I stay away from because I’m grounded in my present reality quite a bit. My reality is– need to enroll at Foothill to get a third AA degree in psychology, so I can help out my clinic as a peer counselor.  I also need a library science certificate from De Anza.  The websites are confusing to navigate but that’s because I’m petrified of returning to normal school as a treated schizoaffective.

This website:

gets into detail about how Lemurian crystals helped Lemurians keep their physical form. Lemurians used their Quartz crystals for their technology. I just use mine to get a good night’s sleep since the information in my head rattles around. I mean literally, it just floats. I see snatches of choice lines I want to use in my books-I see witty comments.  I see jokes I haven’t told yet and shocking things I haven’t said yet.  If I’m not careful  I’m going to wind up with a huge Lemurian crystal collection in my house. I feel as if I need a big one for the living room but I don’t want it to cause me anxiety.  My current and only crystal causes me major anxiety.  Along with me trying to rein in my manic spending habits by not spending money at all.

I try to sit on it. I try not to spend it.  Combined with this time of year paranoia, life is just peachy.

The Next Steps in My Academic Path

Okay, so I’ve thought a lot about this.  I’m doing a career research summary of all the medical careers I want.   So, I’m focusing on taking English 1A this fall at San Francisco City College because since talking with my counselor, I have been told this is what I need to do having passed my English classes at Foothill with a C thanks to no plus minus grading that we student government types passed back in the day, thus making things easier on ourselves. I also learned that Foothill-DeAnza is on quarters while every other school in the Bay Area is semester oriented.  Isn’t that just fascinating and frustrating at the same time.  Fall Semester is longer at other schools.

 For me it is one class at a time, one day at a time.  I cannot go back to school to have my life fall apart on me because of my ridiculous tendencies to procrastinate too much.  I tried looking at Second Draft and saw that editing Opening New Dimensions professionally will take time.  I will have to use Fiverr or something.  But anyway, going back to school is necessary to refresh my English degree knowledge.  English 1A will help my writing all across the board.

But anyway I’m just analyzing my options, seeing as I filed my major at Foothill College to be AA in psychology, so I can have a good background as a life coach.  I have an Udemy account so I can take a life coach class.  Udemy often has many sales on holidays.  They offer accredited means of getting certifications.  The classes are done on video.  Now that school is all online with talk of reopening classes in the classroom by fall semester, we online students have the advantage.  I want a

Yes, so I will start with an online psychology degree, finishing a lot of my general ed along the way. I’ve added De Anza to my FAFSA list of schools I want to apply to.  I want to get a lot of my Premed stuff done in the next ten years, depending on whether or not I successfully publish my books.  I will go from an AA in psychology to an AA in film and television, taking my screenwriting and film classes online and in the classroom since they will have hybrid options.  I want a B.S. in forensic psychology, which I can take from Arizona State University online.

Then while I’m getting that, I will also take classes at De Anza for my film and television AA that I want to transfer to UCLA to get a Masters in Fine Arts in creative writing, with some film classes, and screenwriting/scriptwriting.  I’m also eager to take playwriting. When I’m done with my MFA, that’s when I get my law degree.  It’s been five years since my parents decided to retire in Spain. They are well lout of my hair now.  At De Anza this Winter quarter I want to take the following courses first –


Yes, these classes will help me as an internet researcher. I have to wonder if you have to take them in order.  Back when I was in my twenties and at Foothill I was taking a library science class until the instructor pointed out that I’m a writer, I got a C in library science 1 and I’d be bored.  So off I went to the writing department to change my major.

As far as my writing goes, I plan on submitting my science fiction book to a literary agent, not ones I’ve submitted to before, but I have to submit to at least 5.  I’m also looking for a part-time job using Upwork, and Indeed.  I need to set up my and I have too I think. I’d have to double-check this.  Anyway, yes, these are my plans after talking to my former college counselor.  It was nice talking to her again and I have some idea of what direction I want to head in now.

So I spoke with my former counselor at Foothill College, and she told me about how I had passed English 1A/1B making my general ed good at that school.  I remembered that I had taken English 1A one summer in San Francisco at City College when I decided to stay up in the city for that summer.  Yes, so now that there is an online option with only talk of schools reopening in the fall when the pandemic manages to end, I’m just going to say that I’m needing to take English 1A for work. I need to take a bunch of journalism classes too but we shall see.

I wann a scholarship as it applies to Ciy College, which I want to take Fall 2021.  This summer will be spent finishing Udemy classes though.  I added schools and resubmitted my FAFSA form.  I added Mission College and San Francisco City College.  She also said to consider West Valley.  In California, you can make a career out of earning junior college certficiates, and associates.  But then again I want to freelance. A friend of mine is trying to do exactly that given we both kick each other into doing this to see if we can do well as freelancers. It is his plan to get through school.

I realize that’s a great plan I should have too.  Wow, way to set the bar real high and this kid is a Facebook friend/my student. He wanted me to teach him psychic stuff so I said sure, I’m only forty with limited teaching experince. The experience involves teaching my latent friends how to manage their stuff. They don’t make reading a habit though.  But anyway, I’m a book nerd, a school nerd, someone who enjoys learning.

I’m eventually going to wind up a college professor with more than one Associates, Bachelor’s, etc. I want to get my MFA in creative writing/screenwriting and study a bit of film and television.  I want to write for Star Trek, since ample opportunities exist in the present for that.  I’m working on writing two books at once here though, which is a bit exhausting given it is spring time.  I’m dealing with spring time feelings of stress. Sunlight stress for lack of a better term. I’m trying to go to bed when it gets dark.

Anyway, the thought of enrolling in one English class on a grant is exciting. So exciting that I may be losing sleep over it.  It is an online class, which means I don’t have to compete seeing people’s faces.  I can hide out.  My young-looking skin is not a target of having to be eye candy for boys and men. If fall classes return, I want to actually take a chance getting myself into the De Anza library research certificate track but I cannot overload myself.  For all intents and purposes, I have to know what is too much for me to handle.  I do not need to impress people with how many classes I take and I don’t need to admire them either if other people take excess units just to finish faster. There was a reason I was an addict all through school. Some people can’t handle that one can they?  I quit. I was an addict and I quit. There you happy now? I am a school addict though and I quit that so I have to be careful with how many units I wind up taking every quarter or semester, since Foothlill-Deanza use Quarters while everybody else in California uses semesters. New information I  just found out abd didn’t know while I was in the thick of it. Psychology is easy to take at Foothill, because I know exactly what to take and Psych 1 is done.

Why Procrastinate?

The next step for my business, the Shadow Network, is to file for incorporation.  Yes, an expensive proposition so I can ask for a fee waiver.  The legal advice clinic felt I could qualify for one since I’m low-income.  Now, what scares me about having more money lately is manic spending habits where I just spend money on whims.   It is a feature of mania in Bipolar 1 disorder that people want to spend money just for the sake of spending money.  A thing brings bipolars great torture and pain because we have no control over our desire to spend money unless we seriously rein it in. It is why I stay low income, out of fear for my spending habits and myself.

Now the best way to save money is to not spend it. I need to become more financially literate here because my ignorance is a huge gap preventing me from making more money.  Ignorance is no excuse as someone who already has more than one college degree, like my Bachelor’s in creative writing, my AA in such, and my AA in anthropology.  I spent money on a “new” used computer but something happened. I messed it up in my carelessness.  There is psychic stuff going on there I don’t want to get into because it scares even me but the antidote to fear is courage and telling my mother I’m not putting up with her messing with me.

But anyway, I have procrastination problems.  It is why I plan on taking one class at a time. I’m supposed to take English 1A at San Francisco City College now that my writing is better.  Funny all the junior colleges in California do Semesters while Foothill-De Anza doesn’t.  I want to take an art class, and a library research class that is good for Internet research jobs.  What petrifies me about real school is my increasing problems with my hernia, and how many supplements I have to take. I need more medication minder pillboxes here but the good news is that I’m keeping my manic/online spending habits contained.  

Procrastination is simply a way of saying; I don’t feel I have the self-worth to get stuff started ahead of time.  But if you have half-a brain you know to get started on a project early.  As in, to Upwork clients I want to drop my own projects like a hot potato and work on your stuff first.  But I can’t stand working for someone at times although I want to get myself good and used to it.  Self-employment is in my nature.  

I’m navigating constant stomachaches although my blood sugars are stable. I’m busting my butt to get myself functional and I am functional.  I work hard. Too hard. I’m scared to death of filing for incorporation but sooner or later I have to quit being chicken. The step after that is to do a presentation for existing companies to see if it is a business proposition they value, that has value to them, and if they’d be willing to partner with me.  I’m trying to keep up with my life.

I have moments when I crawl back onto the couch. The San Jose VTA has shut down the light rail stations in light of the current shooting, who knows for how long?  Not that I want to go anywhere although I feel safest on the bus.  Yes, I have a lot to do at home.

My Type 1 Diabetes Anniversary Week

I have recently discovered I have a binge eating disorder.  It gets triggered by the darndest things.  The good news is that my low blood platelets are under control with prescription iron. This tablet is a strong chemical, which helps everything get stable. I’m not eating much meat right now anyway.   I’m trying to avoid sugar anything although the apple pie cravings are intensive. I like making my own food sometimes because it means I don’t eat out of a box. I follow the pure foods with limited preservatives diet.   And anyway, I got my COVID vaccine last week  Thursday. For some reason on Thursday I was seized by a desire to trim the rose bush. Maybe that was my mother?  I did trim that rose bush. It is now not scraping on the glass. I had a fever of 102 on Friday, and the crud vanished by Sunday.  Staying home and being paranoid is something I know about. I’m glad I didn’t get the virus, only because it sounds nasty.  Others in my family have had it but I haven’t, thanks luck.

This whole week and the first week of June is my 30-year type 1 diabetes anniversary week. I use a continuous glucose monitor these days to my advantage and have learned a lot about my blood sugar patterns.  It is interesting to keep track of real time data from the CGM. I was walking around with diabetes symptoms after my cleft palate surgery in 1989 for my 22q.  I wasn’t sure how long I was pre-diabetic but one symptom is peeing a lot. If you are reading this and have that symptom, get a glucose tolerance test. I like having the numbers at my finger tips instead of having to draw blood.  My iPhone makes it really discreet.  People have the ew gross look on their face when I check my blood sugar in public.  Sometimes I find that jealousy follows me because I look years younger than my actual age.  I’m 40 but look 20. My linked in profile has a picture of me. But anyway, this week is my 30-year anniversary. I’m spending it working, I made myself a green bean casserole, and I’m trying to eat healthy without binging. 

I have recently discovered I have a binge eating disorder.  It gets triggered by the darndest things.  The good news is that my low blood platelets are under control with prescription iron. This tablet is a strong chemical, which helps everything get stable. I’m not eating much meat right now anyway.   I’m trying to avoid sugar anything although the apple pie cravings are intensive. I like making my own food sometimes because it means I don’t eat out of a box. I follow the pure foods with limited preservatives diet.   And anyway, I got my COVID vaccine last week  Thursday. For some reason on Thursday I was seized by a desire to trim the rose bush. Maybe that was my mother?  I did trim that rose bush. It is now not scraping on the glass. I had a fever of 102 on Friday, and the crud vanished by Sunday.  Staying home and being paranoid is something I know about. I’m glad I didn’t get the virus, only because it sounds nasty.  Others in my family have had it but I haven’t, thanks luck.

Definition of Clairsentience

Yet another psychic skill causing me immense anxiety, clairsentience is something that made me feel the chaos at the light rail yard this morning but my angelic shield around my room and my medication helped me go back to sleep this morning without the disturbing in the force being too much.  I woke up at 6:00 a.m. thinking something was up, being unable to put my finger on it, while rolling over to go back to sleep.  Having intuitive gifts is defined as schizoaffective in the scientific community. I find it hard to get past this stigma the metaphysical community lays on me. 

I value my scientific knowledge and the way I always turn to science first to help me figure stuff out.  I never throw the baby out with the bathwater, and in my case the baby is schizoaffective and OCD.  I was born this way, since birth, having pediatric onset schizoaffective/OCD.  My family was too ignorant about medication, consistently not wanting to take me to the right doctors let alone sign themselves up to collect SSI benefits so they could pay for treatment.  I was the only US citizen in my family when I was born.

Yes I feel other people’s emotions quite strongly. When someone lies to me saying they are fine, I know they are lying.  I sense people’s feelings in the past, the present and the future.  Clairsentience truly is the “I feel a disturbance in the force,” situation the shooting brought about in my head today.  Everything is in chaos but I live in South San Jose, far from the chaos.  I’m okay, but I sensed SOMETHING was up I couldn’t put my finger on.  I take the phrase “Empath” as being a catch-all term about someone who feels the feelings of others and clairsentience itself is a form of what an empath can do?

I feel confused at times by all the terms, I’m trying to learn them but metaphysical anything confuses me.  Scary Mommie says that empaths who are clairsentient are giving, spiritually attuned and good listeners.  Clairsentients can sense or feel energies other people can’t. I might be able to sense or feel a dog whistle given I remember being tormented by someone with one when I first got a dog at age 10.  Clairsentience makes me feel overwhelmed in crowds for sure. I get chills for no reason also. I may be bipolar one, as I was once used to being called overemotional.  I can read between the lines though and my mother’s energy makes me feel very uncomfortable because it is dark.  But anyway I try to avoid her as much as possible.  Staying away from her makes me much more comfortable. 

Claircognizance How it Works

Claircognizance works by getting steady streams of information in your head.  Something just pops in there and you go, why?  Or you just get random data in your head, which tells you things about something you are researching. Maybe you are guided to a specific book in the library back when using the reference section was not taken over by the Internet.  You get a chance to use claircognizance when writing a paper and you veer towards a subject you had not thought of while making the outline.  Claircognizance is a clair skill, that’s for sure.  You need to be patient using it but it will serve you well if you rein it in.

Classes I Need to Take for A business Administration AA

Classes I Need to get a Business Administration AA As Preparation for an MBA at UCLA

This is all the classwork I need to get an AA in business administration:

MATH 101 Also general ed 

I know how to write business plans in my sleep by now. I copied this off of a file I have filed under 2020 that I worked on while in quarantine.  This is a list of stuff, it will take me at least a year doing two classes a quarter.  I mean one class is the ideal limit but two is necessary.  I have three classes on my Greyschool account I’m procrastinating immensely on.  This is why I say for real school, it will take one class a quarter.  If I pay for school myself, my big question is – will I do well?  I’m wondering about that.  I just don’t want to have to take accounting at the UC level.  Business law is good for the paralegal course load.  My occupational therapy class met in person, finally this May. 

It was awkward and I felt like people seemed shell-shocked from being in quarantine for so long.  I mean the pandemic has tried everybody’s patience.  Staying home a lot with nothing to do did suck to an extent.  It rattled everybody.  Classes will eventually be able to meet in person. I wonder how unnecessarily paranoid I will get when I walk into a real-world classroom for the first time in years.

Resources For Starting My Copywriting Business

Starting a copywriting business is something I have to pay the business tax on in San Jose, CA, which is $207.  My copywriting business is contingent on me having stamina to write daily.  I’m using content mills I want to become a member of but I somehow self-sabotage with the entrance test to Steady I feel like despite the positive message I got on my Linkedin, somehow I sabotage myself by getting anxious and not doing well.  I have work-related trauma since I’ve had to deal with an abusive workplace.  I’m busy trying to learn to maintain my desire to work part-time with

Yeah some of this stuff is just more reasons to see a therapist since I already have one with 7cups.  I’m trying my darndest here to make real money on Textbroker, wondering if I’m ready to break away from the degree mills.  I make money in the $100 bracket…my tax refund is coming eventually.  I’m looking into copywriting as a general career choice and AWAI or “American Writer’s and Artists Institute. ” AWAI has a lot of self-guided programs, and you can learn their method to become a skilled copywriter.  I take advantage of all freebies and whatnot.

Anyway, the thing is that I’m eventually going to make real money, and fix a computer I messed up with some darker underlying reasons I can’t talk about in public as to why that happened.  But anyway, I’m just an innocent person trying to make real money.  AWAI has access to how-to webinars.  I’m trying to shove my brain full of information right now.  I need to do this in order to figure out what to do next, like paying San Jose city taxes for businesses so I can legally start a business.

I want to write copy for local businesses, and see if that gets me noticed.  I want to write for any business I find who wants copy.  It could be restaurants, it could be doctors in private practice and legal copywriting. I want this. I want it bad, because I like working and setting my own hours as opposed to being a slave to someone else’s perspective on time.  I’m looking to work with people who respect my time, and skills, two of my valuable resources that I do not have to just give away to anybody without that being valued.

I have time and again, dealt with toxic work place scenarios where my time is disrespected. On Upwork, I simply withdraw my application.  I do not want to be kicked around because I have free time on my hands.  Those doctors that disrespect my time get me calling in and rearranging appointments because I will not tolerate my resources being disrupted in any way.  Just because I have free medical care does not mean my time is something other people can waste.  I’m a busy person, and I do not need people disrespecting my time like it is something they can just knock because I have a disability or more than one.