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How I Became an Occult Practitioner

I’m interested in the occult because the Catholic faith got boring. I was not allowed to participate or to read the Bible on my own terms. My family, both coming from fascist countries and being authoritarian in terms of parenting style, didn’t let me quit going to church until 2002. That was when I said, I need my thyroid stable, which it got stable, and I said, forget it. I quit going to church. My family wouldn’t even let me be an altar server. But hey, I have come to realize an unmarried priest is the worst person to ask for relationship advice from.

Yes, the metaphysical stuff is interesting, even if I feel my abilities are crap. In my 20s, I was a functional alcoholic, so school took longer for me to pass because of my drinking habits. My roommates back then encouraged my drinking. The number of times I could have wound up in the ER, for goodness sake. Just flashbacking to that gives me sugar cravings. I’m interested in witchcraft because I was abused so much I was wondering what tools I had to protect myself, tools, such as binding, banishing, protection, or outright cursing. Cursing is the least popular among modern witches. Some of them do curse people to make them learn their lesson.

In modern circles, it is considered bad karma, however, to curse somebody. In the past, it got us into trouble, which is why we witches were burnt at the stake. Witchcraft beget much mischief. We were responsible for making men impotent among other things, because this is a real ability that many of us have preserved through the centuries. It is one way to tell a horny guy to cool off. But hey, who says witchcraft is not real, it is.

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Psychic Vision – Clairvoyance.

What makes me crazy about my psychic vision is that I have to see auras, as well as inside cars, buildings, and people’s bodies. Just like Smallville, that’s how it works. I was quite unable to watch Smallville for many years because it hit too close to home, which consequently would make me anxious as I have many overlapping anxiety problems such as OCD, CPTSD, and just plain old generalized. Schizophrenia can cause me untold anxiety, as I also have social anxiety. But see, I cannot be around overt hostility or covert hostility, which counts as endangering my health.

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Psychic vision involves being able to analyze somebody’s health problem just by seeing it. I’m embarrassed to say I can do this but I lack focus. If I had proper training, I would be able to use it more but keeping my psychokinesis clamped down is an effort. I fixed a key that I had messed up with some PK, using a wrench. Somehow it is working again. I had somebody at my condo complex tell me how to do this once so I just decided to do it myself rather than ask my non-psychokinetic plumber to go to Home Depot.

I have to be wary of mail since it is “order extra strips” time at the end of the month. I’m trying to stay within the Medi-cal limit of how much income I can have. Explaining this stuff to my doctor rather scares me but it is relevant because my abilities cause me stress. Imagine hearing people’s pain but not being able to help everybody. I have to work on my magazine that I want to shove into the anti-medication people’s hands when they start preaching that medication is bad for you, it isn’t. The last thing I need is to be talked out of taking my medication.

It is about the only thing that keeps my abilities under control. Conjecture made me think that if the leak in a neighbor’s car is caused by a hole in the water thingy that you fill with water that’s housed in the engine, and routes to the windshield wipers, then the leak will eventually render that car unusable perhaps? I’m not sure how long it has. The thing is, I saw inside and it has a leak. So I said maybe it has a leak trying to pass it off as logic but I also sensed the leak in the thingy.

My Writing Has Been Cursed

I managed to write a fiction novella for myself this year, but then I have tried to start an autobiographical story I want to publish under a pen name. I have some energy for that, but with my intestinal obstruction going on, and me feeling run down, I’ve decided to cut back on writing. In particular, I have decided to watch out for my Vocal Media writing, which I may get around to doing tomorrow. I finished all my copywriting for the week, and I’ve decided to give myself a break tomorrow. There is a deluge of work on the site anyway.

My non-fiction is not cursed but my fiction is cursed. I can’t seem to muster the energy to write fiction despite all the fan fiction ideas rattling around in my head. I seriously feel fear at opening fiction applications. I’m wondering what the hell that is all about as I deleted the person who I thought the curse came from. I’m just innocent and didn’t expect to take her curse to heart. I did. I need to kick it out of my system. I suppose curses only work on people with a conscience. I have one, don’t take advantage of it, as those ex friends don’t realize they fucked with me. It has fucked me up real good. This week, I plan on sleeping the whole night, and then managing my time perfectly if I succeed at sleeping the entire night. I can work for Rev, and HireWriters. I have plenty of writing income that could be coming in from a variety of sources. So yes, I’m working to eventually make myself significant income which means I will have to pay real insurance. Sigh. But then again, I will have money for school as well as certifications.

That’s when this blog will be used a lot because we have to get it through stigmatizing idiots’ heads why I take medication. You normal average people understand why. It is the only way to control my abilities. That is why I have to stay medication consistent or risk going out of control. You do not want someone with my level of talent out of control. This is why I’m not at Pantheacon this year. I need a break, and I need some space. So in which case, I’m taking this weekend slow as I’m meeting with Catholic Charities next week to figure out my work from home situation.

Publishing My Non-Fiction Work On Bullies

I have a non-fiction book that is in the process of being formatted. I’m making extra money this month copywriting. If I had more energy, I would be writing more, but I’m dealing with stuff I do not want Satan (my mother) to find out about so my mouth has to stay shut right there. Bullies love to catch people off guard, as in my post yesterday when somebody did that but I was shielded. I did notice his friend told him to shut up. I also heard him say I’m a warrior-tard, gee, you just had to go there, since I’m epically frustrated due to not being in martial arts where I can release pent-up aggression in a controlled manner.

I also cannot job right now due to my knee injury. I can’t do anything athletic and that is pissing me off. So bully, the next time you slur me, shut your goddamn mouth. Bullies love catching you by surprise, because that is a maximum way to hurt your feelings. What makes you think that I’m going to take interest in you after you slur me, which means you’re an abusive personality anyway, which I saw about you instantly. So in which case, keep your mouth shut the next time you see my retarded face asshole. Oh does my 22q offend you? Does a specific facial feature offend you?

WTF is your problem? My book is already finished but that doesn’t stop me from starting a local newspaper or a tabloid style magazine where disabled people call out the people who pick on them, in particular organizations that pick on them. Thanks for my massive C-PTSD flashbacks. I already knew what you were going to say the second I laid eyes on you. Your friend pointed out my knee has a while to go for healing it but yes, that does happen. Asshole, I was born with a dysfunctional immune system that learning many energy healing modalities might fix if I can learn how to heal myself from illness faster. This newspaper will take the opportunity to slam bullies that are constantly confronted. Even bullies who take disabled people out into the community.

While I was at San Jose State.

I may as well use my blog to slam people. Somebody might have slurred me by calling me retard-face. So this is his slam, because he was thinking that I was unattainable. Well, he’s right, he was black, and possibly ignorant about many things. So in which case, he would never succeed at getting into my pants. Ever. I say no often. My last relationship was not about saying no. Jealous fucker. Wow. I want to publish a newspaper someday where people write down who slurred them, where it was, and I think I was headed to the new building for occupational therapy. Ha! if I do the same routine, then perhaps I will see him again and try to intimidate him back. Witchcraft energy scares people. I know he was scared of that. Chicken-shit.

Clairaudience: Psychic Hearing

My psychic hearing makes me crazy. It is yet another ability that causes me grief, along with other people’s pain as well as my own. When I decided to quit wearing symbols, crystals, and spirals, I saw that my physical pain grounded me in my body. If my knee injury totally heals, I might be able to get away with wearing them not at all as I like maintaining a low profile when it comes to my studies of the occult, or my witchcraft practice anyway. I don’t need tools. I know intrinsic magick. It all happens inside my head.

Every ESP faculty is just one more branch of basic telepathy or what is also called Extra Sensory Perception. I was born with all my abilities turned on. Every last ability was switched on at birth but I was a baby, and had my mother as a buffer. Babies are in pain a lot from the minute they are born, but mom has to help soothe them by rocking them or holding them in general. We clairaudients just hear things in our heads. We hear thoughts, feelings, and more. We get visions. I hate visions. I hate the entire thing in general. If I could take a pill or a shot to shut it off I would. At least temporarily when I have to deal with a crowd? I stay home a lot where I have shields. Being in a crowd just plain exhausts me.

Sanders writes in You Are Psychic, that psychic hearing is above the ears. Not at ear level. Well, for me it comes in through both. Or maybe I’m confusing myself to death. My abilities stress me the fuck out. I get stressed. I need my medication to be able to cope with that stress. The psychic community simply has to quit giving me shit about that. The temporal lobe is above your ear. Gods, I feel bad I’m that gifted. Like Clark Kent, I can hear through walls, but then again my paranoia gets the better of me and I start imagining what is actually being said. I have a way too paranoid, hypervigilant imagination from my CTPSD. Psychic hearing gives you intense verbal impressions. Yes, this is another thing that makes me anxious. My own power burns me. It aches to have it. My own pain and other people’s pain at the same time could cause me to black out or overload and then black out. I have only passed out at least twice in my life, once in Chile (from the shit from the powers that be), and once at Target because I was in the 300s and then 181. So yes, if I don’t get proper training soon, I see more fainting spells ahead, particularly when I go seek my sister’s birth certificates.

Why I Need to Take My Medication

Nobody wants to be around a manic or delusional psychic person with my skill set. Would you like me to melt my metal screen door? I’ve already dabbled in that, maybe, but see that takes a lot of energy. It would probably make me sick, but this is merely an extrapolation of what could happen. There is a reason why I can only stomach a day of Pantheacon and that is the Drama Z Budapest rained down on innocent trans people who wanted to go to her ritual. Biological women only? Honey, I’m biologically androgynous. It means I’m both genders, and stuck as a female. Do you have any idea how uncomfortable my anatomy gets? You don’t.

I have to write a huge pamphlet to pass out to people. A magazine almost. Yes, it will be a self-produced magazine to shove into the hot hands of dumb people who will stigmatize me for no good reason. Oh, have you had untreated schizoaffective disorder until your 30s? Did your parents try to hide your own disability from you by not giving you knowledge about it? Were you forbidden from accessing information about schizophrenia at all? No. I need to maintain my emotional control since Buffy the Vampire Slayer got that right. The second you lose your shit, I used to be able to break glass. I had to lie about it and say I had knocked it over. That’s what a sleepless psychokinetic person does.