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When it Really Does Feel Like a Disturbance in the Force

On 9/11 I had a dream about the towers burning and then I see the same thing on the news, wondering how the hell I had a premonition before it actually happened. I had just started on medication in 2000. So by 2001, I had to figure out what a good night’s sleep felt like since I was starting to know by 2000 when I was taking Zyprexa. I had woken up feeling pretty good that day. The pain 9/11 caused was definitely feeling like a disturbance in the force.

When I sense somebody is conflictive before I meet them-I have learned that not listening to my intuition can be costly. When I was going to a guard card class, in 90- degree weather in the morning, I should have obeyed my instinct to postpone the entire ordeal. The man who taught the class seemed pretty bipolar to me. He let a guy in despite how late he had been. I saw favoritism. Then I read up on the company and realized just how bad the situation was because of the number of bad reviews on Glassdoor.com. So next time I get a bad feeling, a disturbance in the Force style feeling I’m going to listen to that since the facts will come back to me later.

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Why I want to Speak Mandarin and Cantonese, which is totally crazy but probably something I can do.

In order to communicate with specific populations that do not necessarily go for mental health treatment, I’m going to have to learn these languages. Some are too ashamed of having a mental health problem or disability of any kind. It is somewhat a cultural thing that brings shame on the family in their minds. I want to learn Chinese just to better be able to help people who want it. I already speak decent Spanish from high school Spanish classes, even not on medication. Gods, high school was painful enough not being on medication at all.

Mandarin speakers abound in the Bay Area due to recent immigration situations that have cropped up in the last twenty years. I had a Chinese psychiatrist who spoke great English. Even mental health professionals get stigmatized just for helping people with bipolar or schizoaffective to begin with. The thing is, even psychologists have to deal with people who do not feel psychology is a valid science that works with human behavior. Psychology is normal, and autism doesn’t come from vaccines, it comes from genetics. It runs in families just as schizoaffective disorder can. Not taking medication for mental illness makes you a burden to others unless you can keep up the peppy, positive attitude front without anybody guessing how terrible you feel underneath.

How to Intimidate Somebody

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Intimidation is really easy to practice. A homeless bum demanded I buy her a cup of coffee. I must look nice to some people. She started hitting the board with the bus times on it, then threatened me when I took out my insulin pump. So I said that if you are threatening to hit me, do you want me to hit you back? She started trembling and escaped to the 22 stop as I was forced to take the 522, both of which are caught in downtown San Jose. The bum was asking me “Do I have aids?” Out with my insulin pump, and the last thing she wanted was to be hit by somebody smaller than she was.

Intimidating somebody else can be done using silence. I had somebody else try to barge in on me while I was in the bathroom at a Salvadorian restaurant in downtown San Jose. She stared at me while holding open the door. She was staring at my insulin pump. I looked at the toilet paper dispenser, but didn’t make eye contact with her, while covering up offensive anything with the toilet paper. Why she did that is beyond me. But some people find they are filled with jealous rage around me. This is bizarre to me since I don’t feel like I’m that attractive anyway. Why the hell should I care?

Why a Person with My Skillset Shouldn’t Drink. Period.

Alcohol used to be my maturity go to. I was anxious and afraid I was more immature than I thought because of 22q. But then again, my medical records state that I’m a mature person in my age bracket, and that I do not have maturity issues unlike what my family would say. My alcoholism caused many a depressive fit. If I get angry enough though, I can break glass. This is why I need my medication. I have a half-assed memory of breaking a windshield in a car, and I have a person who could verify this. In high school, I was in so much pain daily that glasses would break on my nightstand but I’d have to lie and say I threw it. Many a glass can break the conventional way of falling on the floor like I did yesterday morning.

Sometimes I can make a shield around stuff so it doesn’t break. It is simply me extending my energy from my aura outward. But hey, I have to be near the object. If I’m 50 feet away, I can’t do anything. With changing the traffic lights, I have to be 150 ft in a car or bus away from the light. I can push a light button on the street but I need to be under the light in question that needs to change. It is a thing I have been able to do since I was small. My PK can break zippers. I didn’t attribute all my broken zippers to that but when I got a new bag this November, I went out with it, my PK turned on because I was stressing over something and it turned on. My zipper melted away, unable to be zipped back up, it was a pretty gold color too and the bag was military green but unfortunately, I melted stuff.

I haven’t had a key-bending episode in some time. Alcohol may make me more relaxed but I need to stay away from it because it makes me compliant. I’m a stubborn bitch but alcohol takes away my free will to say no, as it can do to many people. I was a functional alcoholic from 2001-2010. I have been sober since 2010. Psychics like me with everything tied into my emotional state, need not drink. Drinking as I did, able to drink two Guinness with dinner in 2006, didn’t really help. I mean I have a real, “I don’t have the right to be on this planet” complex, which makes my psychic shielding hard to do, if not impossible. Medication helps me actually shield. Without that I’d be screwed and unable to focus.

Why Alcohol is My Own Personal Kryptonite

Alcohol gets me drunk rather quickly. A type 1 diabetic shouldn’t touch alcohol at all let alone sugar as alcohol is really fermented sugar. I have a sugar limit on myFitnessPal. I am warned if I exceed that sugar limit, so I make another choice based on that sugar limit. I do the occasional candy, or apple pie, or apple strudel. I’m just a junkie. I have, however, stuck with the no-sugar routine I’m in right now because I want to get my blood sugar average to 135, to maintain a non-diabetic average.

I’m working really hard here, so I cut out sugar. I freak out walking past alcohol aisles at the store. I get panic attacks at Bev and Mo. I’m always paranoid about relapsing. I’m not actually drinking right now but I’m pretty much done drinking as far as the rest of my life is concerned. You see, alchy kind of runs in my family. I can see it in several branches, but not in my Chilean cousins’ genome. It is pretty virulent with my Spanish family. I could say who, but I’m going to keep that one to myself. Alcohol makes me nauseated to smell.

To drink it again would make me sick. I once accidentally had bourbon chicken at the mall, I walked back feeling odd, tired, and like I needed to sleep a lot. I had two hot chocolates this morning to keep up with my Textbroker writing. I managed to get to the goal I had set. It was difficult but not impossible. I got to $150. Thank God. But yes, alcohol would set back all the progress I have made. Beer is a carbohydrate. I used to be able to down two Guinness with food back when I lived in San Francisco in 2006. I have since given up on drinking altogether because Abilify doesn’t mix well with booze or so I found out the hard way.

We mentally ill folks self-medicate with booze because we feel ill and have no idea how else to deal with it. Until you get on proper medication that is, like I did in 2012. I managed to get myself on great meds. So in which case, my alcoholism has been stable for 9 years, of sobriety. No drinking.

Trusting your Gut

Sometimes your gut can be likened to your second brain. I get nauseated around high aggression. I mean, I might panic to the point where I really do pass out if I have to deal with anybody aggressive. This is why I try to dump or stay away from people with aggression problems since it makes me sick. I mean I get nauseated and I might black out. I have only passed out twice in my life. Once was in Chile from overdosing on insulin because the Ferengi were yelling at me to. The other was blacking out at my local Target.

I managed to pass out with my hands flat on the floor. I lost consciousness briefly but there was no need to call 911. In fact, I was out of body when this happened. I was carrying around a basket. I had been higher than 181 which is what my blood sugar was when I tripped. I could have damaged my already damaged knee or my pump. I’m very careful when I walk because of my knee injury. I have made a career out of trusting my gut instincts. I mean I have the skill of someone much older than me when it comes to the psychic things.

Claircognizance can be a real bitch. It means you get instant insight. I for example, figured out that a security guard I know had a firearms license. I was looking at a gun catalog, when that knowledge popped into my head unannounced. I mean I could make money off of these abilities alone. But hey, I’m lazy, and I need to get this blog together so that I can make money or use a Wix website, since I feel I have to make something good happen about my financial situation.

How to Trust Your Feelings

Remember in Return of the Jedi how Luke Skywalker is taught by Obi-Wan Kenobi to trust his feelings at the last possible minute? Well, real life for psychic people can be like that. You see, I don’t always trust my feelings because of my skepticism. I got to a security company I had an interview with one very hot May morning in 2016. I saw an atomic bomb blast in my mind, with a flash of light emanating from the office while I was in the garage. I’m flashbacking with C-PTSD as I write this but the thing is, that the person who I met at the company didn’t let me in right away but he let the Asian male who was waiting in immediately. He practically yelled at me in an unprofessional way. I succeeded at badgering him into being let in, but the thing is, I had to see what the guard card class was about as it was free.

I’d rather pay for my own guard card class than put up with toxic bullshit from somebody I don’t even know. I can figure out narcissists in 0-60. I get paranoid around one so I know the manager at this company was one. I complained about his behavior, which was to kick me out of the meeting after I noticed him practically falling asleep, wheezing, sighing, and almost getting randy. I suppose I was too good-looking for him, and that being the reason why he kicked me out. I called my employment counselor at the time who did tell me she felt he wasn’t right in the head, and I agreed with her. If I have a bad feeling about anything, I’m going to trust my instincts on that in order to make sure that I can get away from the situation rather than stay put and deal with emotional abuse.