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The Spiritual Syndromes

September 3, 2018

“But helping others to the point of having no life or energy of your own isn’t good or noble.” (44). I have a major paper doll thing going. I can’t find a job except for scams, I can’t seem to publish my work by hearing back from companies that have websites to publish my work on, and I feel perpetually stuck. I left my phone at school, which I need to pick up on Tuesday. Three-day weekends make me feel bored. I prefer the 5-day workweek to weekends as I have trouble relaxing. I’m addicted to my own stress.

I get really stressed out when I forget my stuff too. The Paper Doll Syndrome is an “I’m stuck in a rut” sort of situation. My patterns don’t go away no matter what I do. I feel I’m mistreated a lot. Like when I went to a store and had a clerk who was mumbling, “retard” under her breath. I’m busy trying to sleep at night but I’m plagued with guilt over how healthy I am in the now. The clerk went so far as to say “that’s really special,” but see, I walked away. I sabotage myself but I don’t inflict negative or harmful treatment on myself.

Well, save the voices that call me names and taunt me. Just because I have a genetic disability called 22q doesn’t make me retarded. Some people need to get that through their heads. Not every disability causes that to begin with. I feel my life patterns are going around way too much. Next comes the vampire victim scenario. Being a vampire victim (from my mother to me) means that I feel drained a lot, my energy bleeds out to others. I have difficulty motivating myself since my family is the vampiric system draining me.

I often feel rage and frustration at the unconscious vamping. I feel like a zombie at times. When mom texts me or sends me a “What’s App” at me, I feel like I get the chills, I get cold, and I lose body heat. Living in my condo, I feel like there is an invisible force that steals energy from me. Sometimes I feel obligated to let mom feed off of me. Yes, I fear her getting unstable if I don’t feed her my energy. The Mule Syndrome is next. Why the hell should I do emotional labor for ex-friends?

I’m done doing other people’s emotional labor, be it mental, spiritual, or physical. I’m done doing my mother’s work for her. I’m done doing work for ex-friends who have a snowball’s chance in hell of being my friend. I’m going to make other people feel their feelings. Why the hell do I care? Deal with it on your own. As a mule, I work hard. I’m always plagued by the thought that “more needs to be done.” I have to wonder why I do the energetic work for others. I have trouble detaching from their pain versus my pain.

Even if I sleep, I feel mental and physical exhaustion, and sometimes I do get depressed that my life is not going anywhere. I can’t start to work with a mule complex. My to-do list can’t be longer than everybody else’s. I have to get over the Mule concept. The solution to this stuff, as presented by Cyndi Dale, is to set up a stream of grace, accepting the gift, and overcoming the need to do everything for everybody. At least I’m no longer a psychic-sensitive who knows too much. Environ also hardly affects me anymore since I learned how to shield against EMFs. I also deal with being a healer who doesn’t know when to quit healing. I get other people’s illness. I feel like I’m there for others but they are never “there” for me. I also deal with the no-boundary thing too, of which the cure is to know your feelings. I have to work on my self-esteem problems this year and work on my lack of boundaries.

Works Cited

Dale, Cyndi, Energetic Boundaries, How to Stay Protected and Connected in Work, Love, and Life. Sounds True, Inc. 2011. Boulder, CO.

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