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This Has Been Way Too Much of A Constant in My Life

June 17, 2019

Dealing with abusive behavior from other people has caused me to be very standoffish, and reclusive with my new friends. I had to dump one friend who wanted me to be her freakin’ therapist. She was busy doing self-destructive things, which is also something that runs in my family. My family is busy doing that with their habits. But hey, I can’t be direct about how they kind of have that going on for themselves too.

I quit my self-destructive habits in like 2010. I quit drinking, at the very least-I had to stop drinking alcohol. Caffeine was also something I quit. In the present, the intestinal obstruction I had forced me to evaluate my diet. I got into brown rice. Brown rice is something that does not have a heavy effect on your blood sugar. For a while I cut out all carbs, in addition to brown rice. But then your brain needs brain food to function, indeed, to get anything done at all, including activate your metabolism. This is where thyroid hormone comes in for me because I make none of my own. My childhood was about intense stress with no beginning and no end.

I had no medication to tame it. I just knew stress, nothing but stress. I had no idea how to relax myself without medication. It was just nothing but huge stress until I hit 20 and tried Zyprexa, which made me gain weight. Yes, that is a side effect of a medication designed to help psychotic people eat. It is not fun to live in a perpetual state of psychosis, which is why I’m taking my medication. I take taking my medication very seriously. To not have it, that was torment.

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