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Blog Post: How To Make the World A Better Place

May 19, 2018

The answer is by talking to people. I used to be quite shy and unapproachable in my earliest days of college. But slowly, meds made me more extroverted in the right way as opposed to extroverted in a manic way. Now I’m able to talk to people around me without feeling paranoid. I used to worry they would think ill of me or think less of me because of my disability. I just got done asking for a prescription for Lamictal because I feel it takes care of crowd paranoia.

 

I get paranoid around other people a lot. I feel overwhelmed. My biggest fear that I do not have the right to be in my current body as an incarnated person in this lifetime. This fear comes from the fact that I was in a hurry to incarnate when I did find this body I’m in now. I’m pretty much a walk-in of sorts, or wanderer. I need some help figuring out what I am. I got very good at talking to people in college, and it depends on whether or not I’m having a good day or a bad day. There is a difference between talking to people in an overbearing manner and imposing yourself on them or talking to people in a friendly way that means you are seeing them as an equal.

 

I get paranoid in large crowds because of all the past-life mob violence I endured. I mean sometimes I feel like my schizophrenia bothers me because I hear voices saying mean things to me. I have been bullied enough so that I’ve internalized all the voices, including the ones that sound like my parents which I keep carefully buried. I’m sure that many of my readers who are schizophrenic, understand what this is about. I listen to music at home to drown it out. I’m trying to work on my body dysmorphic disorder as well as coming up with a better self-image than I do have now. I’m doing all right all things considered.

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From → Schizophrenia

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