What Neglect Does to A Child

I have to say that Satan (my mother), doesn’t give me extra income. I’m not holding out. I’m busy trying to figure out how to buy a laptop for myself without breaking the bank. Somebody put a nail in the hinge of my old laptop, which is as dead as my ipad. I have difficulty in my relationships by having trouble asking for help. Why? Because I’m almost forbidden from asking for help by certain people, and the thing is, I’m wary of this scenario. Why the hell should I not ask for help? Sometimes being a reasonable adult means knowing when to ask for help. Some people have way too high expectations from constant mania making them think grandiose things since they don’t take medication.

I’m the only treated schizophrenic in my family. I’m not disclosing who they are but I guarantee you, that rapid cycling bipolars have problems. I have attachment problems to this day. Rapid cyclers not on meds are not doing themselves a favor. The thing is, my family was all about authoritarian parenting one minute, and permissive the next. I grew up very confused, imagining that everything someone else did was my fault all the time. To this day, even if something is clearly some other asshole’s fault, I blame myself.

This is unhealthy because somebody else is responsible for their own behavior. I feel that I have to deal with my depression and anxiety on top of the bipolar 1 and schizophrenia because of my childhood. Sometimes I feel sad seeing other families who care about their children. Modern psychology studies this mental state to see how the field can improve the lives of people who have it. I have low self-esteem to this day because of my childhood. I was very stressed daily for not being on medication. I imagine what could have been with that and I get sad.