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The Front I Put Up

September 23, 2018

I’ve done a lot of reading on The Mighty website through their emails. I have learned that putting up a front is dangerous for mentally ill persons because nobody knows what they feel like inside. Yes, terrifying. I’m skilled at putting up a constant veneer of positivity to people. This means that nobody would know what is wrong unless they are an empath and bother to ask. I do not reach out for support readily. I’m also dealing with the Healer syndrome.

This is a huge paper doll thing according to my Cyndi Dale books. At least my high priestess can get books for herself based on what books I have read too. We share similar interests and at Pantheacon wind up at the same workshop often. I wind up scared to ask for support as when I dumped the Ex, I had a whole support system that just got wiped out. I had to dump him though for my own mental health. It also had to do with certain people I realized were trying to sabotage me. I mean the pitfalls were many, so I just let go of that relationship.

Added to my family contributing to the demise of that situation, well, I mean I’m done putting up a front. I’m genuinely positive most of the time, about most things. This is due to my medication, which I’m grateful to have. I’ve been confused as to who is really my friend and who is out to take advantage of my healing energy. I’m working on finding my true friends. My true friends are not the ones who call me being needy when that is actually not the case. My real friends do not manipulate my emotions, and are not constantly down. My real friends are the ones who do not demand my attention.

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