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The Ins and Outs Of Infusion

February 21, 2020

I’ve learned how not to be pissed off at diabetes. I mean, I was wondering why I was triggered by high blood sugar all the time, to be very pissed off at all of it until metal bends. My rage is a huge trigger, but then I realized, was it my rage at all? I realized it was somebody else’s emotions, not mine. I realized that rage was being sent to me. So I learned a deflector shield from the instruction manual. I learned how to blow it off since I’m realizing I have confronted all my feelings about diabetes, even if it is plenty frustration to have it.

Yesterday, my diabetes educator told me that all I need to do is the overnight basal rate test, and that my goal should be an average of 150. Well, I’m picky, and I like 145 mg/dl the most so my average can be a 6.5%. I just want to feel good, damn it. My fingers look like hell sometimes. I mean sure I get mad as hell and scared to death at high blood sugar, but the thing is, I have learned to have more compassion for myself. Seriously, I have way too much of that for other people, but not for me.

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