The 7 Deadly Academic Sins

The first academic sin I used to put myself through was procrastination, I’m deeply terrified I’m going to fall back into that trap should I take Foothill College online classes.  One class a quarter is a very wise limit since I have a long history of overloading myself, imagining in my arrogance that I can handle it.  My old transcript was merely an exercise in overload, but it was expected by family to do so.  Yeah, the number of times I failed Math 105 because of stress, many.  We then progress to academic sin number two, which is to not know the assignment.

As I was an unstable hot mess back in my twenties, not allowed to seek psychiatric care let alone proper medication, I had to fake being stable on a steady diet of caffeine, alcohol, and sugar, which was my crack cocaine.  I managed to take Math 105 repeatedly until I passed it with a C average.  Yes, it took me that long to pass algebra.  Algebra seems really easy now that I’m stable, but back then it wasn’t easy.  I didn’t know the assignment very well at all at times, and I bombed many an English essay because of this.

The third sin of academia did not know the teacher’s requirements.  I’d conveniently check out when the teacher was babbling about their needs for an assignment.  When I was stable, which was rare, I was able to hear it without checking out mentally.  Now that I’m consistently stable, I’m going to be able to hack it but with a hiatal hernia and an umbilical hernia, I’m pretty much going to say in person classes may have to wait Now that everything is online, it gives us online students quite the advantage.  I’d not wait for the other shoe to drop when the teacher revealed their A+ requirements.  I’d space or not be all there in the head.

My fourth academic sin was my laziness or unwillingness to do the hard work.  It is why I could have gotten much better grades had I been stable.  I regret not being the stable one during my Foothill College career because my instability haunted me, following me to State.  Mental health problems do not fade because of going to school somewhere else.  My steady diet of caffeine wasn’t helping me at all on top of that.  Too much caffeine can actually cause you brain damage, as if I didn’t have enough of it from being born schizoaffective and OCD and my parents having a denial complex about their own.

My fifth major academic sin was drinking alcohol, eating sugar, and being on a caffeine bender all the damn time.  Coffee made me act like a Cokehead.  I was used to doing coffee to keep myself from passing out from exhaustion.  Exhaustion by the way could make it easy for me to pass out considering when I’m tired I feel weak and dizzy.  Today I have to go throw out the garbage, while tired, and go to the mailbox while tired.  I got only 9 hours sleep tonight because I woke up at midnight, couldn’t go back to sleep until like 5 a.m. and I think it was because I took my buspar too close together.

All that causes my sleep deprivation is schizoaffective, caused by 22q11.  Not getting enough sleep by staying up all night studying driven by a sense of inadequacy is my sixth academic sin.  There is no value for a schizoaffective staying up all night.  Why?  Because we schizoaffectives need to sleep.  To be remotely functional, schizoaffectives need to sleep at least 10 hours.  Otherwise I feel physically weak, and dizzy while not getting enough sleep.  My hiatal hernia diet routine involves not drinking caffeine since I can’t have chocolate anyway.  This leaves sugar as my wake-juice.  Fruit sugar seems to work as such.  But as I’m 130 pounds right now, I need to limit my sugar intake.

My last academic sin is “getting a lower grade” because a boy demands it.  As in, boy acts interested in me, boy manipulates me into accepting his attention, I get a lower grade to please stupid boy.  This sin ties into my anti-dating book.  I’m writing this book in order to debrainwash myself since I let go of a lot of my unconventional way of doing things while in my last brainwashing relationship.  I spent years being brainwashed by both my family and my ex boyfriend.  At this point, I’m gong to say screw purty boys in class.  I’m going to tell off all men who pretend interest. I’m your hot classmate, quit trying to seduce me. 

You will be the one with the lower grade.  In this one creative writing class, one boy got a B and I got the A and he got so pissed off at me.  Lol. I intimidated the crap out of him with that.  I’m not going to be kicked around by good looking men who try to get better grades than yours truly.  No, if I want straight freakin As, I’m going to have to work for it like anybody else.  It is my searing passion for school that does me in with stress. I cannot attack school and my way of being at the same time.  I’m simply not gender-normative, you men folk will have to deal with it.

The classroom is a competitive environment.  My answer to getting asked out on dates should be hell to the no. I’m going to have to tell that boy off from trying to get into my pants that way.  Today is not your day sucka, you will not sway me that easily. I refuse to lower my standards since I have to compete with your ass.  Masculine attention is not worth it. My self-worth is not riding on the fact that some boy thinks I’m hot.  I cannot tackle online classes with the same expectation, although not seeing people’s face is a decisive advantage the online environment springs forth to you. A new day of going back to school on scholarship is dawning for me.  I refuse to be kicked around by exhaustion, this means my two hernias need treatment before I can step up and become a real-world classroom student again.  

I have made a commitment to hold fast to my feminist values.  No boy is worth getting a lesser grade for.  They are all to be kicked around by my ” I got a better grade than you,” and I can help you but we do not have a relationship like that buddy.  Quit flirting with me man children.  I will keep my distance from men in the classroom in all situations.  They can suck my dick.