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Why I Need To Be Alone A lot

August 23, 2018

As an introvert, I need alone time. I cope with the outside world by hibernating. I need to be alone since the world is crowded. I fear crowds since I died from mob violence quite a few times in my past lives. I fear mobs. I fear violent crowds, I fear peaceful crowds, I fear crowds in general because I wonder who is talking shit about me and why. I fear bullies because my schizophrenia makes me imagine everybody is a bully. I fear people because I have endured stigma one too many times.

 

It is why I avoid people, to begin with. I don’t want anybody to come over even if I’m lonely. I’d rather be alone treating myself well than be mistreated by somebody who cannot respect my boundaries. You are reading work from somebody who has been sleep deprived for 36 years, and I’m only now starting to realize what real sleep is like. Being around other people drains me as I give my energy away although I’m working on my energy boundary problems right now. Much of my exhaustion has to do with energy boundaries and feeding my mother too much.

 

I’m alone a lot and my friends know to respect this boundary. Unless I specifically want to be around somebody, I prefer my alone time. I need it to decompress. I have noticed how much better some stuff is because I get enough decompression time from not being around my untreated parents or ex. I pick up on their symptoms because I’m an empath who needs to set better boundaries as to what I pick up. I’m also someone who expects to be mistreated by other people. This is an act that aggravates my C-PTSD, which I’m going to do more research on.

 

 

 

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From → Psychology

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