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My Shame Complex

October 18, 2018

I’m going to write about this out in the open. Yes, I grew up feeling ashamed of my disability since my parents didn’t name 22q until I was 18. They threw a lot of shade at me because I had mental illness. I got picked on for every symptom, even in school. I have few pictures of me as an Internet presence except on my Linked In. I have a good picture of me on Facebook. I’m just plain insecure. I’m trying to learn how to kick that out of my system. I’ve also been learning how not to take on other’s pain by being a Mule or a Healer per Cyndi Dales’ system. I practically need to enroll as her apprentice in order to straighten myself out.

I’m done feeling shame about who I am. I’ve been picked on for my name, as well as my religion. The Ferengi still haven’t let go of how they were unable to raise me a proper Catholic. It is because I heard their criticism and disbelief often. So what was I supposed to think without solid examples of living their faith? I’m going to pretty much say that I raised myself.

I’m able to do that because I can adapt as well as retain objectivity. Something The Ferengi struggles with due to their untreated schizophrenia. Even today as I have sent back their pain to them, and taken care of my energy boundary issues, I feel like a weight has been lifted. When I sent back their pain last night, I also felt lighter like that. Some of my friends point out that I need to let go of resentment towards the Ferengi to manifest money. The Ferengi and their OCD is why they expected me to practice their religion. You see, authoritarian families are light on choices, and it was like being raised by both Franco and Pinochet at the same time. The Ferengi do not know how to adapt to changing circumstances. I’m done with the shame complex they gave me. It is time for me to be out about my psychic talent, to have affidavits signed by credible witnesses. Somebody I used to know doesn’t count due to her general instability. She is monumentally unstable and nobody’s going to believe her anyway. I’m not thrilled with people who skip their meds and try to see me.

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