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Why I want my AA in Film and Television and my MFA in Creative Writing to be clear.

June 26, 2019

I need to go to De Anza for a film and television AA to add onto my credits from my Bachelor’s at San Francisco State. I would love a Bachelor’s in anthropology also as I have enough credits for that. But you see, my codependency makes me want to overload myself just to prove I’m smart. Sometimes I find myself fearing that if I quit believing the lie, I might just stop breathing which may have been part of the curses that my family put on me and that an old roommate put on me when I was being abused by my roommates at San Francisco State University.

I really do what an MFA so if I went back to school this year at De Anza, that’d be great. This is why I work on my blog daily since I would like it to generate $100,000 a month if possible. But anyway, I’m busy making sure my hernia doesn’t interfere with my life. School has its limitations. At work 2 Future I learned about how not to over do things. I learned how much I could push myself using my current cocktail of medications. I learned that I am now able to sit in the classroom without showing visible signs of anxiety like sweaty palms, and generally without my psychic stuff scaring me to death.

So in which case, I need to get that AA. I have functioned for 35 years with a hernia that is small. Yesterday morning I got an endoscopy. I had a low-grade fever of 99.5 and low blood pressure. I also had enough discipline to keep my PK off when the nurse inserted the IV for fluids. Yes, the needle was in me and I have witnessed syringes bend when I uncap it, while about to inject. I had to go back to shots for a while this week because the gold plate of my battery cap fell off. I replaced the battery cap with the new one I had to send away for.

So you see, I have to be careful with how many classes I take. I can’t fall into the codependent trap of people pleasing to overload myself as I have to watch out for my illnesses since overload causes me mania. I wake up going, shit, I can’t do anything at all today, if I have way too much to get done. I wish my knee was better so I could have more energy over all but it is still inching its way to better. I cannot overload myself, since a psychic with schizophrenia would make themselves very ill which would affect the people around me.

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