Self-Employment and Time Management

Time management is something that must be mastered in order to be self-employed in the first place.  If you can’t control your time, good luck.  Time management requires accounting for how you spend your time.  You need to tame the time beast before it gets the better of you.  I keep an Excel file full of when I do what.  This file keeps me focused along with a written to do list.  Yes, old-fashioned but I don’t have a tablet.  I use paper to keep myself centered on what it is I need to get done next.

The thing is, I keep an Excel spreadsheet about what time I do what assignments.  It keeps me organized.  I am trying to work at a slower pace, even if my mental illness would have me work faster.  There is something to be said for slowing down, and working slowly.  I pace myself.  Back when I was an overworked workaholic, I would not know the meaning of the phrase, pacing oneself.  I worked at a frenzied pace that made other people around me feel crazy.

Working from home is something I’ m used to doing because the pandemic has not changed my normal lifestyle much at all.  I work from home as a writer but my current set of health problems is making me crazy.  I have two hernias, one umbilical and one hiatal.  I’m trying not to be low on energy with the no caffeine lifestyle but here it is.  I can only slow down to rest when I need to.  This is very good for me though because I’m not resting nearly enough.  I’m learning how much rest I actually need, a luxury I didn’t have in my overworked youth.

Workaholics work for no good reason.  They can’t stop themselves.  We feel driven by this need to work.  We can’t take days off that are almost unheard of in our vocabulary.  Day off?  Say what?  What is that?  I don’t need a day off.  We are compelled by our inadequacy, which is what drives us to overwork in the first place.  At the office, we are yes people.  We say, sure I’ll add one more task even if I’m already overloaded.  This is ridiculous of us.

Now the average person who doesn’t pull this stuff to get ahead, is wondering why we do.  Workaholics have a feeling of primal inadequacy that compels us to keep overworking.  We over do it.  We overload ourselves deliberately to prove our toxic masculinity to the world.  We try too hard.  Yes, it gets to silly levels.  Overwork leads to extreme stress in my case.  This is when I wind up crying in a corner, only because my parents pushed me as a child to overdo homework at a time when I was having prediabetes symptoms and was very ill, not knowing how much worse it would get.

In the present, I know that overworking me proves nothing.  It means I do not always get certain things done.  It means I will do too much without a reason.  I’m learning how to not overdo myself with anything.  I have nothing to prove, and my current set of friends would rather I do well than overload myself.  Two classes a quarter is overkill.  One class a quarter is what I can handle.

I refuse to give in to the little voices of my parents in my head saying “do more…” do… only because gee, I’d rather not have a nervous breakdown.  Other mentally ill people understand this.  We get dangerously close to meltdowns.  I’m not even sure how many units I’m going to take when I get back into the classroom with my law degree or other advanced degrees I want.  I am going to earn an AA in psychology soon enough, and stop there, and then enroll in a BA anthropology program to see how many units I need to finish another Bachelor’s.  For both of these goals, I need to see a junior college counselor and a state counselor.  I managed to set up an account in my local junior college’s website. So then I ask myself,  where do we go from here?

Working from home is something I’m used to doing because the pandemic has not changed my normal lifestyle much at all. I work from home as a writer but my current set of health problems is making me crazy. I have two hernias, one umbilical and one hiatal. I’m trying not to be low on energy with the no caffeine lifestyle but here it is. I can only slow down to rest when I need to. This is very good for me though because I’m not resting nearly enough. I’m learning how much rest I actually need, a luxury I didn’t have in my overworked youth.

Workaholics work for no good reason. They can’t stop themselves. We feel driven by this need to work. We can’t take days off, this is almost unheard of in our vocabulary. Day off? Say what? What is that? I don’t need a day off. We are compelled by our inadequacy, which is what drives us to overwork in the first place. At the office, we are yes people. We say, sure I’ll add one more task even if I’m already overloaded. This is ridiculous of us.

Now the average person who doesn’t pull this stuff to get ahead is wondering why we do. Workaholics have a feeling of primal inadequacy that compels us to keep overworking. We overdo it. We overload ourselves deliberately to prove our toxic masculinity to the world. We try too hard. To the point of getting to silly levels. Overwork leads to extreme stress in my case. This is when I wind up crying in a corner, only because my parents pushed me as a child to overdo homework at a time when I was having prediabetes symptoms and was very ill, not knowing how much worse it would get.

In the present, I know that overworking me proves nothing. It means I do not always get certain things done. It means I will do too much without a reason. I’m learning how to not overdo myself with anything. I have nothing to prove, and my current set of friends would rather I do well than overload myself. Two classes a quarter is an overkill. One class, a quarter is what I can handle.

I refuse to give in to the little voices of my parents in my head saying “do more…” do… only because gee, I’d rather not have a nervous breakdown. Other mentally ill people understand this. We get dangerously close to meltdowns. I’m not even sure how many units I’m going to take when I get back into the classroom with my law degree or other advanced degrees I want. I am going to earn an AA in psychology soon enough, and stop there, and then enroll in a BA anthropology program to see how many units I need to finish another Bachelors. For both of these goals, I need to see a junior college counselor and a state counselor. I managed to set up an account on my local junior college’s website. So then I ask myself, where do we go from here?