I’ve never been to a Star Trek convention in my life only because I was not allowed to pay my own way or go to one. My parents laid down this ridiculous law in high school. Yes, ridiculous to us sane people right? I can’t believe I followed this one, because that has to change. I have to start going to Star Trek conventions. I was going to Pantheacon for a long time. I need to make my own money and break away from my family. I’m trying to do this only because I want to get my financial situation straightened out. The stimulus check goes a long way to provide a beginning for this.
I can handle and cope with people different from me, having had years of experience talking to Asians, black people, whites, and more. In fact, I can talk to anybody. People different from me do not intimidate me. Although, my family does not get that transgender people want to be seen as the opposing gender they were born with. Yes this causes the ignorant cognitive distance, but we have to appreciate those different from us regardless. I don’t get mom and dad’s bullshit. But anyway, I do not take kindly to racists, bullies, or people who say rude things like at Job Train when somebody said something rude about how “Asians are funny because they use the sticks,” and I was like, glaring at her to shut up. WTF?
I would like to get my anthropology B.A. online, but then again there is the matter of my MFA. Class meeting in person is a big unknown right now because of Covid-19. But I want to get all my degrees, if I can pay for online class, like retaking my Foothill College English classes, Psych 1, and general education stuff. I can get my transcript on paper from the school, which I’ve put off. But now the stimulus check can help me pay for it. I have many classes I’d like to take, and there is the matter of Greyschool and paying for the courses there. I have to start with that, also keeping in mind that I’m an addict, a stress, knowledge, and academic success junkie. Its why I’m trying to not overload myself with Greyschool.
My spending habits have all shown one pattern, spend on eBay impulsively. I made a spreadsheet with specific dates of when I spend stuff. My credit card needs to be paid, $25 a week because it stands at $1,119.40. I’m not telling my mother this stuff because I’m trying to pressure her into getting medication by not taking her seriously, the way she dicked around with me growing up, don’t get medication, you don’t need it, now that was a nightmare. I also noticed my money goes to food a lot. Food, namely groceries and DoorDash. I also spend money on devices, medical supplies, and clothing on occasion. I need to save money for clothing in fact, so there you go, and that’s what I’m trying to do.
I have an idea for a positive news media company featuring positive news, such as people recovering from Covid -19 or other illnesses, people succeeding at working from those illnesses, and more. I want to cover rare news like Native American news, at a news piece angle that is not necessarily something many people see often. I’m mad as hell at normal news media for covering negativity all the time in order to deliberately scare people. My media company will be different from the rest. It will cover positive news stories, religious organizations, people getting promotions at work, anything positive, available for free, without a subscription so that people can read free positive news, which is why this idea is a nonprofit or turned into a nonprofit while I was writing it.
Since I get the stimulus check today or tomorrow, this entire month of May is dedicated to winning the diabetes war. I’m doing my darndest to win it. I’m going to pull out all the stops. This means buying enough strips to succeed. It’s about relaxing completely and not letting my diabetes fears run my life. I’m buying extra strips this month, in order to maintain my strip count. I’m doing my best to keep it together, stay healthy, and succeed at proving to the rest of the world that I can survive the Coronavirus outbreak of 2020. I’m winning the diabetes war, big time, and trying my absolute best to manage it.
A spiritual teacher is someone born with inside knowledge about spiritual topics, or maybe a sense of knowing, because my Hindu friends know more than they are letting on, about this stuff. They do have the sense not to tell me what I am though, even if I feel that the person I was talking to about my SCORE stuff knows who he is talking to since we discussed my need to set up streams of income from a job, before I start my business. People need to be paid, and unlike a spiritual teacher, are not willing to do things for free. I think many of my Hindu friends get me for some reason. They are unwilling to engage in the status quo of bullying me or telling me my abilities aren’t real.
Watching Psychic Kids by Chip Coffey was very triggering for me. I remembered everything psychic I have ever done as a child, including change cloud shapes while coming home from a family camping trip. I have many psychic talents that I had limited training on much less limited people to talk to about. My family didn’t take teaching me much of anything seriously, because they’d spread rumors that I had a low IQ when I all I needed was medication to take care of chronic psychosis which I grew up with and didn’t get half-way treated until I was 20. At 18, I should have gone to a psychiatrist myself but I was too addled from the illness, as well as drinking coffee and alcohol, to really show initiative or follow-through on this desire although I managed to secure therapy from Foothill College.
I’m going to try to test my skills using chocolate to do so. I know agitation is one trigger. But having chocolate is by far another one. I got enough sleep today, just to be clear. Chocolate just turns on my psychic talent for some reason. I’m stable enough to make sure my mental health is not so much an aggravating symptom as it could be. At PIR when I had chocolate one day, I get home with a blood sugar of 240 and a failed infusion set. Again, I would see it trigger at my occupational therapy clinic when I saw that I had two mini chocolate cupcakes, my blood sugar went up, and there you go, I managed to undo the shape of a paperclip that was on the table. I grabbed it while someone was staring at it. It can be said that I proved that day that chocolate is a huge PK trigger.
For me, my workaholism is triggered by feeling inadequate and nothing is worse than overworking myself while not getting enough sleep. I’m trying to keep myself well through this pandemic by keeping my paranoia contained. Thoughts of my family interfere with my skill to not overwork myself, although I do that from guilt. In my family if you did not overwork, you weren’t loved. I had two bad examples of overworking being something that needed to be done, that you needed to do. I am triggered also by fear of laziness, because I’m like, wondering if taking a day off makes me a lazy coward. Yet again, though, I need to take time off because I’m very sensitive to stress.
iriavp 