When I was at the library getting a book on comic book ideas, I caught this South Asian woman staring at me getting the book. I was like, wondering why and then I thought, “oh she’s becoming unbrainwashed if she’s a Bay Area Old Timer!” And so she was, because I was watching her stare outright at me, probably using the “how old is she?” stare. So I realize some people have lost the brainwashing they were indoctrinated with. Oh yes, Iria is useless, and will never amount to anything, don’t expect much, she has a low IQ because we keep her from getting treatment, forcing her to live with psychosis. Yes, that is what I realize was done to me in high school. I’ve also realized I’m ready to spring myself away from the trap that has been laid for me. I’m staying put with SSI for a while longer, then going full throttle with selling my business.
I feel that my reputation is tarnished as “that kid who almost died of diabetes,” I feel like people are brainwashed into thinking I’m unhireable out here. Try as I might to get a job, people believe all the crap that my family psychically puts out there. They believe everything they are told. I get paranoid about any employer not wanting me since in 2017, I was trying to interview despite my knee pain. I saw then that my reputation is heavily tarnished. I applied at many jobs but my stiff knee was too much of a wild card. Even for the GNC out here since I have pretty good actual supplement knowledge.
So yes, I have to radically change locations in the next few years, since I think my “Almost dying” thing is something way too many people who have lived here for years, and people at the San Jose State Occupational Therapy clinic also know about this. Joy. That’s when I realized it and told a classmate well after somebody asked me to talk about what I never discuss with people, which is being hospitalized as a child from type 1-diabetes at 10. I was in diabetic coma, it was bad, I was already on a ventilator, and I could have died. Yes, I feel like I’m tainted. I try to avoid people who have lived here since 1991. Every which way possible, I try to act positive to avoid the pity party. It is my tendency to be uncomplaining while at least one member of my family is the opposite.
I’m doing my best to find a remote job with offices in Los Angeles, so that I can eventually open the door to move to LA where I think the pity party haunts me less as an impersonal city. Maybe I’m just being paranoid though, and nobody actually thinks that.
I want to run in 2060, and the thing is, my family would rather I keep my mouth shut since the Presidency is a “man’s” job. But hey, I’m going to start saying it out loud. Here is my Vocal Media piece on why I want to run for office. https://vocal.media/theSwamp/why-i-want-to-run-for-office
I would have amounted to more in high school, had I been treated with my mental health issues not being forced to be so bad. Not treating me has had very bad repercussions in my life, to this day when I wake up in the middle of the night too much. By the time I get my Ph.D., I’m going to be able to move to Sacramento to serve Congress or be future governor of California, in an age when political parties will not matter so much, that’s in like 10 years. I hope to be D.A. of Los Angeles for a while, which is what an advanced degree like a law degree is good for. If I hadn’t been trying to turn my mental health around because I wasn’t “allowed” to see a psychiatrist until I was like, I’m going, bye, at 28 in 2012, I was like, hey, forget about your intimidating bullshit, I’m seeing a psychiatrist, bye! And I never looked back, all because of Santa Clara Family Plan.
I would fund the post office if they asked; I would give New York enough ventilators, so that ill people have a fighting chance. The thing is, this virus messes people up really good. I’d have given every adult and child in the United States a test by now. Yes, there are many things I would have done differently, like not piss off other countries for one. Anybody can get this virus, even our leadership.
How much I get done is tied into my self-worth because I imagine I have “I’m a productive person and have a disability privilege.” When I quit drinking, I saw that everybody my parents know is an enabler, some of who felt rage at the way I quit drinking because they live in the same neighborhood I do. In my family, we are brainwashed to believe that women should take abuse. They are not the sort of people who go “I have a problem, I’m a workaholic and an alcoholic.” You do not have to always be doing something. My mother is never ill while I am the sickly one. I realize its because I’m also addicted to sending her energy. I’m working on many addictions right now.
By doing less, not more, and I’m rethinking the whole leave my USB drive in, so I’ve decided to finish my blog posts, and then take a break. I know how to limit my workload, with regards to my tendency to work too much. Back when I was not on medication in school, I had to work so much to get anywhere with my academic progress. Having to explain to people that I have a mental illness and can’t see a psychiatrist. I graduated from college in 2007, I got myself into treatment from 2010-2012. I am now stable, and have been stable and stayed stable for a very long time regardless of my family accusing me of being unstable.
Workaholism is all about how much work you get done. Productivity is not everything life is about. If anything, I have learned that I need to stop feeling inadequate, as if working a lot fixes the fact that I have low self-esteem that I have trouble earning enough money to pay for the extensive therapy I still need. I realize I have half-assed my therapy since my former transpersonal therapist moved her San Mateo office to San Francisco. Back then, I felt therapy had worked, so I took a break until 2012, when I got medication and back into therapy.
You see, my mother doesn’t believe therapy is effective, much less can teach you new things. Arrogance complex much? This is why I stay away from her. Or at the very least try very hard to stay away from her. She’s a brat. But anyway, I know my parents are less workaholics now since they moved while I wake up at 3:00 a.m. because I feel inadequate. I mean just that feeling when I go to bed, and when I wake up, is enough to make me work for 7 hours a day, even on Sunday.
I’m trying to limit my workload so I can continue using stress management techniques. I’m just ms. work, work, work. Workaholism is a very real phenomenon that not everybody has control over. I certainly don’t over mine because I take pride I work 7 days a week. I had to screen some wannabe for this stuff since I met him at the park in my current neighborhood, and he also worked 7 days a week. I saw that we were both addicted to the drug of work. I was like, hell to the no, buddy, I’m not dating you, period. Then he left me alone. Workaholism is something I also saw in the ex big time.
I’m trying to keep my head above water here when it comes to overwork. In my family is it is one way to being allowed to have inches of self-esteem, to work, work work until your typing fingers fall off. Work is a way to dull emotion, to not take time off when you want to tear yourself away from the computer. I’m about to do something odd for my family standards, and tear myself away from the computer while leaving my USB drive in there. Let’s see how this goes.
Positive News will be a non-profit and the news will be available for free. Positive News is all about people who want to build positive news on this planet. They need to build positive news in order to make this planet more livable. Better news is possible news, because we are trying to put together happy events not depressed, negative, or bad situations that get published by normal newspapers. We would have a digital version and a print version. The consumer can use both. We would not charge a dime for free news since normally those companies require a subscription. This is why this business turned into a non-profit while writing the plan.
I don’t have a boyfriend or husband because my Ex pretty much had to be dumped for many reasons I won’t get into. I had to dump him for my all around heal problems. He was asking for it. I’m not necessarily looking for a husband to take care of me. I do not define myself by my relationships but what I do. I’m not in the market right now, until well after I get the hernia surgery. This surgery needs to be done. Lol… and I have one more medical test to prove I need surgery; I have this thing with jobs and not getting them because I feel no one will hire me unless they can steal my time from me. This is why entrepreneurship doors will open.
iriavp 