The clerk at Rite Aid who slurred me the second I walked in, is an example of the kind of reputation I feel I have in this region of California. I don’t have the energy to travel right now because of Mr. Hernia, which is also impairing my ability to give someone else shit. I told her that “wow-that is ignorant” and I said “you are ignorant if you are going to say that to me.” I was floored she would slur me for no good reason, because I don’t feel it was my imagination, since I imagine that’s what people think of me. I’m a retard from having 22q. There is nothing more anxiety producing than this assumption that my family forced me to believe.
I know how to stand up for myself very well. For example, one year at Pantheacon (part of the reason I didn’t go this year, its final year), a woman was telling me I shouldn’t take medication, or at the very least she was about to get on my case as those sorts are inclined to do. I caught on to this eventuality and said that in the present, medication is the only treatment for schizoaffective disorder. If you have medication around, it is easier to deal with, you cannot in good faith, or if you have a conscience at all, talk people out of taking needed medication. I was busy fending her off with, hey, you know what, don’t talk to me like that. I then walked her over to the workshop leader, who I mentioned her behavior to by saying “she told me to stop taking my medication,” I successfully made her squirm because she opened her mouth, like “ah!” The leader had to deal with her since I abruptly left the room. All in a day’s work.
I have the feeling Bernie may win this election give or take Elizabeth Warren does not get the nomination at all. He’s trying, at any rate, while she is good at giving people shade. This is why I’m voting for her now. But then if she drops out, I’m going to be voting for Bernie, not Biden. Its amazing how much politicians lie, because I know they will be lying about me when I get there, although in 20 years, the landscape, as well as the meaning behind the terms Democrat and Republican will be different, if in the present we start dismantling the two party system as it stands now, in particular since other democracies around the world have a similar system. In the United States, “democracy” is a bit of a joke if we are talking about the present.
My competition is both phone-based, and chat-based companies that allow for psychic employees to give readings via both mediums. California Psychics is my competition because it is a website and a way to find phone numbers of psychics who can help their clients. Kasamba is different from them because they have many different offerings on types of readings, while also being about crystal readings, even leaving a note that they are gay friendly. The website I used to work for was the Psychic Power Network. I had a working name, but at the same time, I occasionally feel like I’m about to build too much stress, and that I will explode or implode from it. The thing is though, that I couldn’t log in one day because I felt bad. Also, they didn’t necessarily pay me when I had earned considerably an amount of money they should have paid me with. Ask the Answer.com is another website, offering tarot readings, or other psychic practitioners such as clairvoyants. Then, Meet Your Psychic, has a new website out, charging $1 a minute. I’d try to make my services more affordable, also providing a real-world way for customers to meet the psychics they will be using their services with. This idea could save the metaphysical bookshop from extinction when people die or the economy tanks.
Yes, the coronavirus is terrifying. Yes, people are being paranoid about it. I use elderberry when there is a virus going around. I got elderberry lozenges laced with vitamin C, two packages. It’s a 42-day supply. I also have a lot of Prilosec. What is driving me crazy is my hernia, probably more so than coronavirus itself. Mr. Hernia has to go. I didn’t get the swine flu during that pandemic. The media just tries its best to scare people since it is owned by the New World Order, and I have a copy of the Associated Press style guide. But anyway, yes, there is no point in being paranoid about much, even when paranoid about certain people.
Even when I was drinking on medication, which is a huge red flag if I know someone who does this, I’m saying that I’m a responsible person from the year 2012, on because that was when I put my family on ignore, while getting my mental health treated properly at long last. Although, I must say, I was an irresponsible 20 year old getting away with drunk driving among other things. I’ve given up driving right now, only because I feel it is unsafe, my car battery could use a jump however, and I feel too weak to drive because of my hernia. One neighbor would like to look at my car, so I’m going eventually muster up the energy to let him. I didn’t pay my car insurance this month to have more money. PG&E is ready on the 4th, and my phone bill on the 5th. DoorDash is ready on the 16th, but I canceled my Legal Shield as well as canceled my Adobe. I’m trying to save money here, I project I will have $292 leftover, given I pay my credit card bill. I really must make the effort to make more money. The effort to be responsible comes from watching major personal irresponsibility my entire life.
I have long fought my abuse issues, with asking myself: did I deserve that? I actually realize now, no I don’t. I think nobody does. The abuser wants you to believe you deserve the mistreatment. The problem with you nice people, is that an abusive personality can brainwash ya’ll into taking their crap. That is plain and simple how abusers work. They want you to put up with their nonsense. I have come to realize on my own that I deserve way better. I learned this year that I have to treat myself with respect, and to put myself first, since I don’t have a kid, and never will. I do not want to breed because my family line needs to be stomped out. I’m trying to make something of myself here.
Gaslighting is when someone rewrites reality for you, and at the same time, convinces you that it happened their way but not the way you remember. Your way is supposedly flawed because you are not credible, or are distracted. Gaslighting can happen with politicians using or misusing the news media. Gaslighting means that someone is trying to brainwash me into believing something that isn’t true. Gaslighting is all about bamboozling someone to believe a false reality. Normal gaslighters can be corrected, but narcissistic gaslighters freak out on the person trying to reason with them in pretty ways. Sometimes reason doesn’t work with some people. Gaslighters do not want to know the truth about a situation, since they’d rather just lie.
For my mental health that is, ever. If my family should come back, that will change because I will hospitalize myself. I’m going to do that because the second they walk through the door, I get unstable from empathic energies that their untreated body and mind puts out. I’m trying to keep my head above water because of Mr. Hernia. This is becoming quite hard to do. I’m losing my ability to be peppy, since surgery phobia is creeping up on me but it might come time to get the thing out of me. My primary care doesn’t sign off on this, but my GI does. I’m getting a GI second opinion. I keep my doctors in familiar places only because I’d get lost if I go by myself. My anxiety just gets worse around my doctors sometimes, even in the Bay Area. But hey, chalk it up to a life long fear of doctors, while my needle fear is something else to talk about altogether.
Getting my degrees means getting enough sleep. If I have to work on my companies while in school, I will need to get better sleep. It just so happens that I need to sleep on a regular basis. I have immense problems with sleep, only because I was sleep deprived growing up. I have to wonder if I will ever conquer those issues and sleep the whole night. I will try Valerian to see if that helps although I have more experience with lindenflower, or tila as it is known in Spanish. Flor de tila. I might try other herbal remedies this year, because I want to grow lindenflower in my garden. My garden is in dresser drawers, and plastic containers for now. Nothing grew for a long time, but now stuff is finally growing. I need to recharge my battery on my drill.
iriavp 