I miss hitting bags, and controlled aggression. I miss being relaxed after class. I miss being very relaxed. I miss getting my stress out and I realize however, that I’m not an angry person, the angry person I thought I was. Instead, I’m an empath who has her family dump their unwanted feelings into my body. I used to walk around with their symptoms in my body, until I was like 20. They wanted it that way so they could function, that’s why they didn’t get me medication in the first place. They wanted my energy to be unstable both to feed on it energetically, other psychics will know what I’m talking about, and to pick on me. Martial arts class helped me not explode on people with unstable anger fits or temper tantrums. I’m doing way better if they aren’t around, but my knee is still stiff, and painful since that is preventing me from doing strenuous exercises other than walking.
I’ve sent out many an application. I know I’m not going to hear back until the 5th anyhow, or later than that, the 6th, the beginning of the week. I’m going to hear back from someone. At the very least, I’m going to get takers since I worked for Textbroker until California AB 5. Something will bite and this blog could make money, real money or so I’m told. I do not have much access to income. I should have made provisions for it when I got access to my life savings at 18. I’m determined to read more about money this year. I want to learn about how to manage large sums of money, which means an accounting class will eventually be something I need to take.
I was in diabetic coma when I was diagnosed, since I had a flu of some kind that plunged me into high blood sugar mode, which in turn made me comatose. I slipped away, on Memorial Day weekend/the First week of June 1991. I was taken to a hospital because I needed life support. My family gave me my last rights. It was a random event that could have been prevented with insulin. We will not get into graphic details but I will say that this caused me grief for the rest of my life until now. I’m trying to deal with my pent-up emotions that weren’t heard by my family. Reading Jonice Webb books are helping with that. But anyway, what was done was done, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I had many astral plane/near death/alternative dimension experiences while in diabetic coma that I have yet to unpack. My experiences are definitely stuck in my head waiting to be written about.
Certain family members I used to live with showed odd behavior when I sold my Nissan GXE from 1999 to a neighbor. It had great gas mileage but bad steering. My current car has great steering but bad gas mileage. The transmission failed on me a few times. I’m contemplating my options with this car, which is dead in my garage since I’m not driving right now. I’m afraid to have money because I may make frakked up decisions with it. But then again I have been responsible with my money always. I need to buy strips and to add insult to injury, put it on my credit card since family may expect me to pay the Internet bill this month as I do every month because I try my best. But the thing is, I’m worried about their behavior if I make money.
iriavp 