My junior year of high school, somehow I pulled straight Cs and that wasn’t good enough for the old man. But anyway, reeling from that my service project involved working at a day care center, well before I had my diagnosis of schizoaffective and OCD. I had to deal with a mean daycare lady who basically had set me up for mistreatment I didn’t correct her on until I just snapped one day and confronted her out in the open. She deserved it, since she was causing me unnecessary stress. I do not stay in abusive environments for long. Once I applied at a law firm in Redwood City and they would have hired me were not for an abusive boss I was immediately told was abusive. Unlike my dad, I refuse to stay put working in abusive environments and certainly with my companies I will strive not to have an abusive environment. We would fire every instance of an abusive manager.
I have the art of intimidation down to an exact science. It works over email, in person, and I know how to trigger people although I choose not to use these talents for evil, ever. But be warned that I’m kind of fragile right now, because of Mr. Hernia, so I cannot take too much crap from other people right now. You can intimidate others with a glance, words, or gestures. Intimidating sometimes involves looking at someone in the eye, while making them feel as small as they did when they were toddlers. If someone does give me shit out in the open, well, I just call them ignorant to their face, and then I taunt them mercilessly until they crack and apologize. It is easy to intimidate a bully into realizing how wrong they are. You have to run your energy high in order to convey that you will not put up with anybody’s shit. As an energy worker, this mental state is quite easy for me to get into.
I just got Claritin, for my allergies on Ebay, not on Amazon. A simple requirement for eBay is to actually be able to use the date on the main headline as a way to see if the product is fresh or not. Amazon is a fabulous resource for books, sure, but I don’t want to give Jeff Bezos all my money just yet. Ebay is better organized, with a system that allows you to find what you need relatively quickly. Although books on eBay are not cheaper as Amazon has a used book option. I found a useful OCD workbook on Amazon this morning but I’m going to have to get the books I need on working on your sleeping habits from the library. I like eBay way better for the Buy it Now option, although I think that I have no idea how to use the bidding to my advantage.
My next self-help book is on OCD, and I want to read it because I need to get a handle on my symptoms way further. The thing with OCD is that your own brain drives you nuts, because you are your own bully saying to you, to “I have to check the lock, stove, or what is plugged in that I know isn’t,” and that bully can make you suicidal. The thing is, mental illness is like that, it is as though you have a depressive bully saying things to you like “you suck, nobody likes you, you will not survive this latest harshness.” To stand up to the bully in your head, you have to tell it off, and say “we are not having this discussion” (at least when it comes to OCD), or “I’m not going to treat myself that way,” only because you want to be kind.
Okay, money gives me anxiety, simply put because of the Ex and the issues it would bring up in my family of origin. Yes, money makes me paranoid. It makes me feel guilty to save it too. But then I also feel guilty spending it. It may be a CPTSD symptom I’m dealing with when it comes to dealing with my money. I’m trying to survive on low income, and I’m also looking for sources of steady income. We will be projecting a savings of $310 this month, perhaps. That will be nice to maintain if I can keep a lid on my spending habits. One way to do that is to eat at home. I have all of two winter pants, and a third pair if you count my navy blue summer pants.
I can afford to pay for this blog on the 31st, of January when the money comes in. I have to do my taxes or at least print out my Tax Return with the sad refund of $1. Yes, that is my refund ladies and gentlemen, that’s what being low-income is like. I’m going to eventually make more money than I can stand having. So I patiently engage in alternative sources of income besides a work from home job that I could have even with my hernia getting in the way of everything, causing me creative blocks. Yes, eventually there will be a surgery date. I have a referral to see a surgeon, and another female GI. We will stay home a lot so as to save money this month. We will try to curb impulsive spending.
My plan for my herb garden is extensive as it is meant to be a garden for cooking herbs, medicinal herbs, and witch’s protection herbs. Sure I have a lot of grandpa’s knowledge on growing things in my head, along with experience from living with my parents for so long because they are gardeners. To this day in foreign lands, they garden. But anyway, I’m going to have to buy a picnic table, put my dresser drawer on it, and drill holes in the dresser. Stuff is growing right now, growing like crazy because of the actual rain we have received this actual winter in the Bay Area. My herb garden business plan has to include pictures.
I also have to work on my psychic shield book which really is the first of its kind since not everybody understands the psychic shields they do know how to use. The book is in my head, but for the garden I have tomatoes, and zucchini planted in their own container. The tomatoes are growing like crazy, so much so I’m going to have to give it away to neighbors when they do start growing this summer. In California, yes, you can garden all year around. I have many projects going on, because I’m the sort of person who has many irons in the fire. The universe decided to do away with my Textbroker job because it was taking time out from other important projects that could make way more money. That is karmic. I plan on marketing my herb gardening products on Amazon.
Because name-calling is so mature and enlightened to do to a disabled person who can’t even get a bus discount in San Jose? Come on now, name-calling is ridiculous. I have been subjected to it since college, in various formats. I wasn’t stable 100% but that is no reason to pick on someone who was actively prevented from seeing a psychiatrist by a narcissist parent with untreated mental illness and a Munchausen by Proxy diagnosis. I’m doing my best with what income I have now. So in which case, I just say that even if I have huge blemishes on my face, you do not call people a retard. That got two girls in a car yelled at for doing this when I was slurred out on the street. They got a huge screaming fit out of me.
Basically, I used to have one but now it is non-existent. To my Facebook friends, in 2015, I was so stable only because of that support system. I’m used to living without too much of a support system but this semester in therapy, we are going to work on my PASS plan for SSI, which is a way to make money. We are also going to be working on my Shadow of the Phoenix Rising business, while also writing articles suitable for publication. I’m working on various pieces at once, and I submitted a piece to One Story. I’m going to try to do better with money this month. I’m also considering switching Internet services. I have worked on my writing business, as I got my 2019 W2 form which shows I only get a tax refund of $1, and I made $2,800 the whole year, but the California AB 5 law kicked in thus screwing up my freelancing career.
iriavp 