You could say my anxiety runs in my family but my other relatives believe in drinking and not showing it. Anxious empaths are pretty much able to heap their own pain on top of other people’s pain. Not that this is a healthy way to go about managing your empathy, it isn’t. I have learned many a filter over the years, and how not to take away other people’s pain. Empathic people are great healers but sometimes I turn reclusive because I’m like, there is no way in hell I’m taking someone else’s pain from them. It gets to ridiculous levels I tell you. But anyway, what do I know?
I’m trying to filter the pain of the world by not paying attention to it. I take on my parent’s pain, on multiple levels, as in, multiple different kinds of pain. The pain is something I have to release to deity or to Earth, only because I have my own pain to worry about, that I do not always release. So in which case, I think I’ve finally learned to mind my own business since other people’s pain is not my business. Everybody learns to cope with pain in different ways, although some people were not taught by their parents more constructive ways of coping with pain.
I used to be shave-my-legs and cut sort of cutter, who also inhaled inhalants. As an addict, I’m staying the hell away from Turkey Day environments with alcohol in them. I mean it. I’m an addict who has permanently turned away from addiction. I have to stay away from addicts in my family on top of that. But anyway, yes, I’m working on continuing my sobriety, something that people do not know about as something I struggle to maintain. I drank to self-medicate the psychic crap.
Organizations out here in San Jose that have been put together to help disabled people abound but not every single one has its heart in the right place. Zephyr is one of the good ones I’ve been to. So is Grace Community and Occupational therapy at San Jose State. But the ones I have had bad experiences with will not be named. I’m not going back to them for any reason. I’ve successfully proven to SSI that I can work, I’m motivated to work, and that I feel I can work from home. So in which case, whatever, because I will eventually succeed at getting a job, which is something my family lives in dread of. This means I will succeed at something long thought difficult. Their bullshit cannot hold up for much longer. So I ask everybody who has ever thought I’m the disabled one, think about who remains untreated.
I don’t get that. I see it often, but nobody really thinks about it. Yes, their minders feel they know better, while their client ought to be mistreated deliberately. I saw this kind of thing via the rudeness of the Momentum For Mental Health people. This is why I’m not inclined to use organizations like that who claim to be able to “help” me. Disabled people or those with chronic illness do not deserve to be mistreated. Yes, you normals seem to feel that is okay. Why do you people do that is beyond me? I’m wondering if the world can change for the better, because if disability was eliminated, then where does that leave this planet? Where do people like 45 get off mocking the disabled reporter? Seriously, that is ridiculous.
The disability terrorist is much like a writing teacher I used to have, someone who would pick on you for things you cannot help like having a disability. I mean really, my schizophrenia is now treated very well. But back then, in college, I didn’t necessarily have a handle on my diagnosis either. Yes, my family would manipulate me into not going to the psychiatrist but going to see internists instead. Internists do not know enough about mental health otherwise, because sure, they know about mental illness but not enough about medication. I realized what a mistake that was many years later, at least 9 or 10 to be exact. I’m finally stable in the present after a long, harrowing battle. The thing is, I knew I had something mental illness related, but I didn’t know I was schizoaffective until I was 30.
My internist finally cracked up and said it is my life. I feel like I have her blessing now. But for a while I felt like, gee, is it pointless to communicate how much I want to make real money? My blog can do that for me. I am also able to write a story that could be published. I’m not going to say where, but that it is science fantasy and that I want to publish it under a pen name. I really would like real money to prove that I can make real money. Some of my family have actually said “you will always be low-income”, which I would like to prove them wrong right about now. The thing is, I’m eager to make real money by now. Business plans can also do this if I get angel investment, which does not require collateral. Angel investors generally want a stake in the company, which I’m more than willing to give. Sure, I’m aware that entrepreneurship is hard but that never stopped me from trying something difficult.
Most people will assume from this title for this post that I’m going to complain about being low-income. No, actually, I like being low-income. I enjoy it. It is easy, it’s easier than having actual money. Actual money is a huge responsibility I have spent my adult life avoiding. But then again I need to travel, go to school, and get better job opportunities for writers by moving to Los Angeles. I have to go on with my life, and if that means paying up the ass for medical care, then that means paying up the ass for medical care. If I can make money for myself, then I can make money to help others. Yes, that is my motivation for becoming a billionaire. But then again it is also to put the current ones in their places by helping people more than they do. The income inequality situation in the United States has me very pissed off at THEM.
EBT is something those of us living the low-income life style use. You see, I like being low-income. It means less responsibility for money needs to be taken. At the same time, psychic classes, certifications, and other stuff, cannot pay for itself as money doesn’t grow on trees. Money is necessary for me to function well in the world. I have to be able to pay for my own medical care. Between this blog and my business ideas, I may be crawling in money, swimming in it, drowning in it. I will want to learn enough about money to use it properly. Money is useful, and I already I know I’m not greedy.
Some bullies simply cannot control themselves with regard to their impulsive need to bully. They keep going when normal victims ask them to stop. I remember my school being a persistent toxic environment that my family was refusing to pull me out of. I tried to make noise but I was not given a choice in the matter. In my adult life, I pulled myself out of Work 2 future. I made sure I wasn’t stuck there. I unstuck myself only because my knee started healing when I started going to therapy, or at the very least bending more than it was previously in 2016 at the end. I feel mom psychically attacked my left knee or me, making me lose my balance, which is why I pivoted my foot the wrong way. The country is headed in a bad direction only because the leadership is so toxic right now. Don’t forget that.
iriavp 