I’m straighter than the average person. As in, I do not manufacture lies about how great I am, then mislead people deliberately or play mind games on them. I’m not exactly into mind games, manipulation, or controlling people through brainwashing. No, you don’t see my mental illness symptoms. There is a reason I dump people out of the blue and this is because the person who I dumped came to see me while not taking her medication, which counts as endangering myself. She was constantly needy, calling me up a lot, and not taking responsibility for her behavior by lying to her mother about taking her medication in my presence.
I dump people like that who spawn an entire Udemy course on personal responsibility. This is inherently a pagan value I might add. Personal responsibility, taking responsibility for all your actions, something my biological family is low on. Why choose me for your needy crap? Why not your other friends that you act cool and stable around? How come you don’t use a medication minder? You only take your meds when you feel like it. That one time I skipped my meds while on vacation you gave me shit about that. But when you do it, you expect leniency, which you will not get from me. You were the one who used to know your meds. Added to that, in high school, you were mean to somebody who has not a mean bone in her body and who cannot respond in kind just like me. I’m disgusted by your behavior. It wasn’t right to come to see me while not taking your medication. That’s endangering my health. Unfortunately we can never be friends again because of this. When you dump loser, maybe. But well, I’m just plain done with sloppy people who have no discipline.
El trastorno Munchausen por Proxy es una gran mentira de la madre. Quieren mantener la mentira que el hijo tiene una enfermedad grave solo para ser mentirosos. Influyen examen médicos apropósito para mantener la mentira que el niño esta enfermo. La persona que sufre de Munchausen por Proxy quiere hacer daño a hijos, mayores, o adultos dependiente de alguien para cuidarles. La que sufre de Munchausen por Proxy, quiere mantener la mentira que su victima esta enfermo o hizo algo para enfermar a la persona apropósito, solo para mentir. Quiere que su victima tendrá exámenes que no necesitan, y quieren enfermar a otra persona para que tengan atención del medico para ellos y no el enfermo.
El trastorno Munchausen es algo que el abusador necesita para mantener la apariencia de control en su vida. El cuidador necesita atención del medico para ellos no para su hijo. Tienen que manipular los resultados del examen. El hijo de uno con Munchausen por Proxy son manipulados de parte de la persona que les cuida. Si una enfermedad mejora cuando el manipulador no esta con su hijo, es un síntoma. El manipulador quiere enseñar a la victima a ponerse enfermo o que crean en su enfermedad.
I will start by writing a business plan as the most obvious step I need to take. To start with the business plan, I need an outline. Outlines are an efficient way to manage your ideas. There are several people I need to talk to such as my peer counselor, my psychiatrist, and any social workers I would happen to know. I need to make sure this concept of starting a shelter for people with disabilities who are escaping domestic violence has to be worked on. I need to do something about my situation, stepping well outside my comfort zone.
Something about my financial situation has to change, as I’m way too comfortable being low income. My knee is still not bending all the way but it is better. My non-profit is quite an idea, a shared workspace for disabled/chronically ill people who want to work from home, as well as a shelter. I have a potential business partner in a friend of mine who might be able to help me put this thing together. Non-profits need to raise money as bad as the next person who needs seed money for businesses. I already am swimming in my business ideas. I’m going to have to go to entrepreneur mixers, which I dread since mania makes me talk to the wrong people. I have to maintain my shy veneer.
I need to interview disabled people to make sure I figure out what their needs are. This involves interviewing my friends who can shed light on what resources they need. People who have disabilities and are trying to escape their families do not have many resources, in particular, their ability to make money. Some families question their ability to make money, and I know mine didn’t let me start working to support myself until I was 18. I was forced to go to junior college for way too long, and I eventually managed to transfer my units, taking only 3 years to finish my B.A. in creative writing. It took me 10 more years after that to get stable. How long was I unstable and alcoholic? That interfered with my schooling. As well as my higher brain function, because it is a little known fact that alcohol, not medication, can cause brain damage. I’m finally resolving my sleep problems given that I have slept a lot today from 8:00 p.m. to 3:00 a.m. waking up to 7:00 a.m. as my final wake-up time. I will eventually get this non-profit out there.
https://www.mb38.com/lnk.asp?o=2871&c=918271&a=326272&l=2202
Even if there is always a classroom loudmouth, you do not need to put up with their shit. Loudmouths who pick on other people are very insecure about what they actually have to say. They do not know what they are talking about. They keep asking questions about stuff they do not understand. I felt my teacher was getting picked on in this quality management class. High conflict people have no idea the impact they are making on others. They are mean, plain and simple. My teacher was deliberately provoked into overreacting. That is a bipolar narcissist for you, and I mean the person who was picking on him.
The loudmouth was hard to resist with their provocations being constantly emphasized. Our teacher had trouble keeping the class focused with her constant interruptions. She’d tap her pen before speaking. I have no idea how she managed to write good notes because she destroyed my focus every time she spoke up. She is somebody who doesn’t know to be quiet anyway, if only because she has no clue how her behavior affects others. Her being a loudmouth put me off. I was scared of her every time she opened her mouth.
I made myself a list of pros and cons. I managed to sleep tonight from 9 p.m. – 9:00 a.m. even if I woke up in the a.m. hours. I managed to wake up at 4:00 a.m. in the morning, then I woke up at 6, then I woke up at 9.
Pros Cons
Feeling rested If I don’t get enough sleep, I can’t control my abilities.
Being able to make Continuing to not feel well.
sense when I write
Feeling good more often. Feeling bad.
Being able to control CON Still feel pervasive anxiety all the time
my emotions/ since I have many different forms of anxiety
keep my energy in place.
Mom can’t attack me Mom gets to attack, feed, drain, and make me feel
In the middle of bad, continuing to use my disability as an excuse
the night so much, and not to control me.
as much during the day.
I manage stress better CON I deal with way too much stress.
Less anxiety CON Too much anxiety and why the hell should I feel guilty for sleeping well?
Feeling good being able to give people shit
Being able to give people shit CON not being able to rise to the occasion when I need and make it funny.
Able to stand up for myself.
Fulfilling my destiny CON everything is half-assed.
Making money CON Not having enough of that.
I want to sleep
The whole night. CON Mom doesn’t want me to sleep or herself to sleep since she can’t put together the fact that meds do that for you.
I get shit done. I don’t get as much done.
I can work full-time I don’t work full-time, it has to be part-time.
There may not be such thing as an unintentional action give or take that when somebody says “it wasn’t my intention” to do this or that, they are lying. Anytime somebody states that what she had done was unintentional, I’m old enough by now not to believe it. Unintentional my butt. Really? You think you can just get away with that around me? Seriously? You’ve got to be kidding me. I know when somebody is intentional, they mean business. That’s ridiculous they think they do not. Like I was born yesterday? Intentional actions speak louder than your supposedly unintentional actions.
That’s why I’m not going to Thanksgiving and there is no way to talk me out of that. You see, I know all about your intentional actions. I haven’t touched alcohol in like 8 or 9 years and I really don’t want to dabble in touching alcohol. You can’t just peer pressure me into drinking. So I’m not going to Thanksgiving where you are most likely to make a scene. I don’t want my next near death experience. I can talk to any ascended master I want while awake. The Gods are just going to send me back again because it is far from my time to go. It is ridiculous to what length certain people with certain diagnosis like Munchausen by Proxy, go to make it look like I messed myself up. I’m not going to Thanksgiving, deal with that.
My writing has to go somewhere this month. I need to make extra money to pay my book formatter if I can manage to get my book formatted. I’m spinning my wheels feeling desperation about how much money I need to have around. I’m still unemployed but looking for a work from home job. My writing comes first for me as I write in the morning, and the afternoon but not in the evening. I take evenings off to relax. But yes, it is high time I publish my book on bullies, How to Give Bullies What They Deserve.
I have a literary agent in mind to send my book to but I need someone to format the non-fiction book I wrote. Before I start a new project, I have to finish my current project. It is high time I published something because I need to get my work out there. I have stories in my head I need to publish. I have many ideas rolling around actually. I’ve probably written down a third of them. I need to start bigger writing projects although I’m working on a short story that I want to publish under an assumed name and that I’m going to have to hide. I have a fiction story I need to submit as well.
I’ve been looking for a job since January 2017. I have sent out many applications. Few respond, but I found one job that was a good match for my resume on Indeed.com. I try very hard to apply for jobs I think I might get but I haven’t gotten a break. Can I get a break please? I’m all over the Internets with Vocal.Media and my blog. I interviewed some people over email. One is not SSI, another works but struggles with discrimination, dirty looks, and just plain people being mean, she however, is trying to get on disability.
Getting disability can happen only if you have a genuine disability. I’m lucky I’ve recovered from my health problems but some aren’t so lucky. One irresponsible move and I’m pretty much screwed. This old friend of mine uses crutches and a wheel chair to get around. What sucks is that she feels you cannot disclose your disability while risking not getting hired. I disclose often enough but I may have to just quit doing that already even with my Internet presence. When my friend worked, she was discriminated against which makes me sick to death about dealing with other people’s attitude problems with disabled people.
Some of my friends work via laptop wifi, which can be accessed outside of the house. She has managed to avoid SSI. Another friend has thoracic outlet syndrome, which affects blood flow to her arms that required surgery. Surgery has helped her situation a lot but ministrokes cause cognitive issues for her. She doesn’t get as much stigma as the other respondent to my questions because all of her companies have been supportive. My goal is to bring free medical care for everybody in the United States who wants it. I want to get people on SSI or off of SSI with my non-profit. Sooner or later discriminatory policies by companies on disabled people have to come to an end.
I don’t see why some of you people trust E.T. channelings from Arcturians or Pleiadians. The thing about that is, I trust no one. I do not let myself channel such creatures. Why the hell should I listen to what they have to say about my life or the planet? They are messing with trance mediums if they do that to people who think they are receiving actual communication. I’m a trance medium but I have schizophrenia, which means that I cannot necessarily channel in a manner that allows entities to take over my voice and body.
You have to be careful with disincarnate beings anyway. They may not be telling you the truth, in fact they may just be having fun or maybe the channeler is having fun. Disincarnate beings are trying to take over the medium’s body. This is an inherently unsafe practice. They really do not want to do the medium good, they mean the medium harm half the time anyway. In which case, the only solution you people have is to not channel any old entity that pops by claiming to be this, that or the other. Channeling can lead to no good if the medium is not discerning.
I went to physical therapy today. In light of this morning’s incident with a homeless person demanding I buy her coffee, I did brandish my cane at her while threatening her with being hit, which made her back down completely. I’m still chuckling at this as I managed to intimidate the shit out of her. I hid in the store for a while and decided to catch the 522, and the driver didn’t know shit about his route as he was new to it. Lols.
Anyway though, I have a serious issue asking for help. I try to be a tough bitch and maintain a veneer of lethality about me. But really, I have immense problems asking for help. Crowds scare me to death. I get paranoid in large crowds because of past-life executions in front of crowds. Whole communities would turn on me in my past life and execute me. My present life mother was constantly trying to kill me. This is what has leaked through to the present lifetime, I can’t be direct about this but yeah, well, this stuff just bleeds into the present. You could say my whole family has past life karma going on. I can deal with life on my own, without really needing to bend someone’s ear about it these days, as I’m not as needy as I was when I was younger since I finally got myself a decent antipsychotic and mood stabilizer.
Part of breaking away from the karmic cycle involves standing up for yourself. I have trouble asking for help when I need it because I can handle most things on my own so well. I keep to myself a lot. I rarely reach out to people. I’m hardly needy. This morning didn’t upset me, it made me smile because I was prepared to hit the homeless person if she got out of line. She backed down when I said you “are a fucking coward.” Lol. I mean I can’t stand having to call people up to talk about what is going on in my life. Without my family, I can just shut that out and function better. But then again they are coming back. The last thing I need is drama. I envision not having much money still to get away in November, so I’m kind of stuck. But hey, I have a study Monday, which makes me extra money.
iriavp 