This piece is personal. I have been in Sausalito, watching San Francisco from a pier and I had a vision of an atomic bomb blast leveling San Francisco to the ground. I saw a flash-I saw the smoke coming out of the explosion. I was startled. Then I blinked to make it go away. I have atomic blast dreams all the time. I’m not even sure if this is a psychic thing or what, or maybe it just comes from my stress at world events since I try not to watch the news too much.
A bomb blast can happen anywhere due to the fact that there are agitations between the US and Russia, the US and China, and the US and North Korea. Could things be any worse? We are causing a lot of drama in the world. It is bad. What the hell are we doing? If we drop the bomb on anybody, many ET races will give up and just leave. If somebody drops the bomb on us, they may try to intervene or leave us to clean up the mess on our own, whichever. We humans may be able to put a stop to the bomb by using psychokinesis to our advantage in a mass psychokinesis experience.
Can anything metal be stopped by distance psychokinesis? I can bend spoons, forks and other metals around me. But not all the time, and only when I have breakthrough anxiety problems that feel like a rush of energy bestowed on me when I feel like something is life or death. Feeling uncomfortable can bring on my psychokinesis, bending the metals around me. I once managed to bend a very thin nail. I’m trying to duplicate this again with little luck. Yes, reproducing psychokinesis is hard to do in a laboratory, let alone in daily life.
My visions of scattered survivors of an atomic bomb are very much like The Walking Dead, even if I don’t watch that show for long since it deals with zombies. I don’t do horror, really, at all. I prefer fun science fiction over horror. I mean if we do drop a bomb causing a harsh end to civilization as we know it in the United States, that creates serious issues for our planet in the form of environmental problems that would be aggravated by dropping a bomb causing nuclear winter. Star Trek in all forms, does mention that the bomb was dropped in the 21st century. I’m wondering if we are headed to this point yet.
This is why we have to rise up. Don’t go to large protests, or take to the streets, they have other plans for these possibilities. Instead, I entertain the idea that the pen is mightier than the sword or gun. So write, talk to people on the Internet, but don’t go to protests, they are looking for any excuse. Don’t rebel in public scenarios either. They want an excuse to make mass arrests. Keep it quiet, lurk, write on message boards.
Social change comes slowly. Star Trek: Enterprise reflects on the fact that it took humans less than a century to pull it together after World War 3, with a United Earth Government in 2150, finally. Star Trek implies that all of earth’s problems, such as poverty and hunger were fixed. In real life, it is the other way around, the Galactic Federation exists, while we are supposed to join up eventually. Humans are left on their own to resolve problems on this planet by ourselves, as some may or may not help us, this subject is confusing to many.
You will face constant stress, discomfort, and agitation if you stay in the company of an abusive boss. The boss doesn’t need to give you so much shit, really. How much stress do you want to deal with if you do not want to leave an abusive workplace. Abusers never stop when told to stop. Many of them are narcissistic. They take advantage of you constantly, brainwashing you to take their shit. Therefore, I say again, why stay in an abusive work environment? Is there a point to all your masochistic glee staying in an abusive relationship or an abusive work environment?
You must really like being mistreated if you stay put or put up with it. Don’t take advantage of my willingness to listen to you for goodness sake, if I say leave, and then try to leave. I don’t see why some people insist on staying put because they use their pity party “my kid needs health care coverage” routine on their employers. Or perhaps their wife needs coverage too. I’m not talking about anybody in particular. Abusers do this in order to make themselves feel high. They feel way too good. So quit letting them mess with you, find a better job situation you can tolerate.
I have an idea to make an attempt to build myself a made in the USA laptop. According to this link, https://www.google.com/search?source=hp&ei=ZMNgW5CzGcOe0gLR05_AAg&q=made+in+the+USA+laptop+&oq=made+in+the+USA+laptop+&gs_l=psy-ab.3..0l10.691.4818.0.4823.28.9.0.0.0.0.1880.3074.0j1j0j1j0j1j8-1.4.0….0…1c.1.64.psy-ab..25.3.2900.0..35i39k1j0i131k1j0i20i264k1j33i22i29i30k1.0.PLgh37DbI-U, made in the USA laptops such as Inspiron and other Dell models are all we get. But see, my old Dell, which was sabotaged by somebody putting a nail in the hinge counting on me not noticing and being in a trusting mood that day, said it was made in China. HP, Inc. is also made in the USA. But seriously, I got my model Dell at Best Buy. It said made in China, I looked at it just now. So for Google to say this Inspiron 13 model gathering dust is legit Made in the USA, I have facts to the contrary.
This inability to get made in the USA parts pisses me off. Sure, I have a business plan that speaks volumes but I intend on keeping my mouth shut here because there is a shortage of made in the USA parts. How hard do I have to look? If somebody steals my idea, I’m screwed. We cannot build made in the USA laptops anymore. I have a business plan I’d be interested in telling Google about but I keep my mouth shut indefinitely. I would like to be paid for selling this idea to certain people. Somehow we cannot make them like they used to. I’m appalled my laptop is made in China. Somehow, this doesn’t sit well with me. We are driving our economy into the ground by not making things in the United States anymore. This is a bad thing. We need more made in the USA goods, not labels that say “made in China.” I do not approve of made in China, American flags, even. I betcha I can’t find one made in the USA. But hey, nobody will read this, thinking I have an idea. Wow, I need a therapist, yes, I need to pay for that too on my own. With what money? Ha. I’m still low income.
I’m enjoying living by myself, I really am. Avoiding my family over the holidays makes me feel so much better. I mean seriously, I take good care of myself. I’m on the verge of sleeping the whole night, which means I will not wake up at all. I love that. My whole life changes because of a full night’s sleep. Less paranoia to none, less anxiety, to none, which will give me immense stamina. You have to understand, I grew up exhausted from age 11-20. Pediatric schizoaffective works the same way as adult schizoaffective. It would have been nice to know about my schizophrenia as a child.
There is such thing as a child psychiatrist but I wasn’t sent to one. Sleep deprivation does harm on focus, ability to put together things coherently, and makes you at risk for colds and flus. I grew up constantly sick. Even today I was exposed to a flu but granted, the last time somebody had a cold, I washed my hands. I managed to not get sick from her cold. Stress makes your immune system dysfunctional. It really does affect your body. I’m feeling marginally less stressed in my adult life. Constant anxiety or mania wears you down.
Coloring actually helps me sleep better at night. I feel soothed by it. In the now, my coloring is much better. Coloring soothes the brain, it soothes nerves, and it soothes agitation. Coloring is something that can totally calm me down. Somehow, it helps me shut down for the day. I can color right now because I’m not coloring outside of the lines. I could never do that in elementary school. The art bug has bitten me, so that’s one way of making money I have available now. I’m planning on making a phone call Monday afternoon to an organization that helps people who are low-income to figure out ways of making money.
We are the cast-offs of society because our family has too much drama in it for normal people to take. Normal families get along, they function well together, they deal with their problems in therapy. Families that do not get along so well deny shit, spend a lot of energy miserable, don’t tackle their problems, and well, misery loves company right? This is why over the holiday season, nobody is going to see my face. Anywhere. Even if I make some extra income so I’m not struggling every month like I am now, I’m still not showing my face.
Even if hypothetically, I could make enough money to get off of the dole, I could still not show up. Nobody wants to confront their issues in my family. Seriously, nobody. Dysfunctional families are all like that. So we children from extremely authoritarian and controlling family environments have to stay away from triggers like family holidays. Being around constantly manic people makes me manic. Then I’m manic and everybody else around me feels my mania. This is why high school was horrible for me. I kept imagining my illness symptoms messed other people up. But guess what, not my responsibility to get me on meds. No. We know who it was.
It is not cool to spread your goddamn mania germs around. This is why those of us who have to deal with mental health need to be on meds. Nobody wants to deal with your unstable shit. Mental health problems run in families a lot because it’s all passed down in the genes. If people are in denial, well, look at yourself in the mirror.
(Michael Jackson, Man In the Mirror)
I’m gonna make a change,
For once I’m my life
It’s gonna feel real good,
Gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right
I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you want to make the world a better place
(If you want to make the world a better place)
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change
(Take a look at yourself, and then make a change)
(Na na na, na na na, na na, na nah)
I’ve been a victim of a selfish kind of love
It’s time that I realize
That there are some with no home, not a nickel to loan
Could it be really me, pretending that they’re not alone?
So yes, I’m sick to death of people not being on meds. So I’m off to where people are cool, not some deathly codependent needy psychic vampire draining freak show. All energy is an exchange in the end, all of it. So quit picking on my energy difference dumbshit new agers. You are feeding off of people too and don’t know it. Every social interaction is an exchange after all.
Dysfunctional families are very needy. Us Children of the Corn are just plain dysfunctional sometimes. This is why we have to make an effort to cut them out of our lives until the narcissists prove they are changing. Somebody not in therapy with three personality disorders is not doing themselves a favor. Anybody with issues who thinks therapy is bunk is not helpful to those of us who know how useful therapy is to the rest of the world. After all, I used to have oppositional defiant disorder but see, that’s another story for another time. I need to start a hotline, guys. I need staff. I have to write a grant proposal and from there raise money in San Jose. Thanks.
Okay so people from dysfunctional families can’t always make a great escape like I’m about to pull for Thanksgiving. I’m going so far away that nobody can find me. It is my lifelong dream to just run away from them. I’m going to try it. I’ve considered taking the bus to Mt. Shasta for Thanksgiving so I can spend with old friends I have known online for a very long time now. I want to start a hotline for abused people trying to escape their families. We don’t get a hotline since domestic violence hotlines tell you they only deal with people escaping abusive partners.
So I thought, why not start a hotline and not only a hotline, a shelter. Yes, a shelter. Because many people escaping abusive families do not have any other means of escape. Many times, those escaping families are very low-income because they are stuck on SSI. Making money is not a difficult proposition but sometimes those of us who are low-income, have trouble seeing this. We stay stuck in low-income messes, spinning our wheels until we make extra money. I work for Beach Body, so here’s the link https://mysite.coach.teambeachbody.com?coachId=1662196&locale=en_US.
I’m not making much money right now but I’m doing my very best to try. Dysfunctional families like to sabotage the mood of somebody going to work. They pick on you before you leave the house, causing you to feel depressed. Work notices this. If you have a mental illness, this can aggravate your illness symptoms. Those of us trying to escape our families know this. My family refused to show up at a Christmas party of one job I had. Now that I am on the right medication, I can probably keep a job, and this scares people to death. But whatever, I can work. Eventually, I will find myself a job.
I’m waiting until my knee improves some more but seriously, I want to go to City Hall to look into volunteer opportunities, as well as how to get the District 10 City Council Seat. Now that’s one way to generate income for myself, even without my law degree that I’m stalling on getting because I do not have enough money for school. In which case, off I go to City Hall to talk the current District 10 guy in telling me how I run for office. If I succeed at getting votes, I get in. But first I have to start doing more volunteer work for my district.
I would like to teach people how to read. So many people do not have literacy skills. I also want to start a community garden that is easier to get to than the one on Story and King. The whole entire field in front of Kaiser is my visualized location for this garden. I have to start one in my house first, but the thing is, that will take awhile. I have a vested interest in starting and experimenting with my hydroponic garden. I want to make contributions to science with regard to agricultural stuff I’m interested in. My grandpa in Chile was an agricultural scientist/expert who would travel to farmers and give them advice. I have many interests in science because I find this stuff stimulating. Oh for a science degree.
iriavp 