iriavp

These days I can change my infusion set without metaphysical crap getting in the way. The last site went into red welt mode, which is an obvious sign to change my set. If you have a bruise, it is best to change your set. What you risk with infusion is having really high blood sugars when the set fails since infusion means you do not have any active insulin left in your body. This is a risk but infusion is so worth it when you know that you can have perfectly controlled diabetes without having to do much since the basal rates are hourly insulin levels you work with your doctor to set. You just infuse by injecting yourself and you let the insulin flow. This is why infusion works so well for me, I am not tied down to specific eating times.

I’m a functional alcoholic. It means I can stay functional while drinking. I quit drinking in 2010, with occasional forays into alcohol in food that got me high. Even alcoholic vanilla has that effect so I just got myself non-alcoholic vanilla. It is rude to offer an addict their addiction. This is why I’m not doing anything this holiday season, because my own family would like to sabotage my stability. The cuz knows that I do not drink anymore, that drinking is bad for you, and that I’ve quit. But the family, not so much. I’m not swayed by “your uncle is all you have.” Toxic is toxic or you didn’t just not read my previous post.

I was drinking to dull my “strong woman” strength. It dulled my judgment. These days I have Lamictal for good judgment. I was showing very bad judgment with how much I used to drink in my 20s. I am now good at catching people who mean to manipulate me into drinking. This is why I have to stay away from some people, who would have me wait outside in the cold doing a certain yearly tradition. My boundaries are not often respected by my family in general. Least of all their friends. So I’m like, yo, I don’t drink, I’m an alcoholic. Don’t force it on me. Alcohol is poisonous. It could make me very sick in which case you have a drunken, and fragile, type 1-diabetic on your hands with a high tolerance. I’m shocked as some of my readers would be. So therefore, we avoid holiday parties, stress, anything reeking of weird, and those not at peace with their addiction, just like my family in general who can’t see themselves as having the problem, and besides my drinking disturbs people. This much I learned while getting stable and sober.

People who know what they are doing when it comes to what kinds of friends they prefer, justify themselves in dumping toxic people. They know not to put up with toxic people. It is easier to be around those who keep their distance, those who genuinely respect you, instead of those who call you too much, as if that phone call doesn’t mean they don’t have other friends to talk to. Eventually, I had to block this person on Facebook, email, and the phone. She was calling me way too much in an aggressive, needy, even dare I say it, in a codependent way.

I felt our friendship wasn’t going anywhere, because it got to be one-sided. Codependency involves letting people maintain their irresponsibility. In this case, my ex-friend had skipped her meds, let her family contaminate her medication, let herself get unstable from bad meds, and let them mess with her instead of telling them off or getting outside intervention. She was relying on me way too much to rescue her. She was also underachieving since she didn’t want to enroll in career schools to learn new skills. She is someone who has trouble standing up for herself. I got so stressed out as an empath that I had to dump her for my mental health.

But anyway, I myself have some codependency going on because I let her push me around at first. I have major self-esteem issues I still need to deal with in therapy. I used to be a terrible people pleaser although I’m working on learning how to say “no,” even if some try to intimidate me for saying no. If I cannot go out, going into a large, noisy room is hard for me. As in, going to a restaurant like Chevy’s. We have one out here, but I rarely ever go because of my thing with crowds. My boundaries do suck because I’m ms. I can’t let anybody close to me after having to dump the Ex-boyfriend who was also irresponsible by not renewing pharmaceuticals in time for one weekend we were hanging out.

I have worked on reacting and caretaking. I do not care take anybody except myself right now. With my friends, I tried to turn into bossy to get them to be responsible. She even would never tell me if something pissed her off. I’m slowly starting to think about myself more than other people, since I’m number one while everybody else can just shove it. I have to put myself first. I have stopped denying my own feelings or needs. I will go to therapy again next semester, and this is because San Jose State is easy to get to. I refuse all big pimples this winter although it is the season. I ask my community to remember they cause me a lot of pain. In the end, I have learned living by myself the last three years, to say no about excessive demands.

https://psychcentral.com/lib/symptoms-of-codependency/