I’ve decided that the best job I could get for myself would be baking. I’m good at it, I like it, and it helps me relax. It is not stressful. At the very least, baking would piss off certain people since it would make me happy. I can’t work at standing up jobs just yet because that would exhaust me. I know my sports medicine doctor cleared me to work standing up jobs but I feel like that would make my blood sugar low a lot. My leg swells up at the most random of times and even though I feel mentally well right now because I’m stable, I feel that working a standing up job would tax my energy too much.
Now I’ve learned about SEO agencies and how easy they are to start. You don’t have to talk to your client except over email. This would be a perfect business for me to get into. But hey, I have many ideas on how to make money. One real-world dayside job is to become a baker. Yes, that would make me happy, it would be fun, and it would seem like playing rather than working. Also, I have ideas with selling my psychic website with a salary for psychics to lower their fees idea to a partner who can pay me $500,000 for their full partnership. I’m looking for someone with that kind of money who can do this for me.
But then again I have to be wary of my competitors. East West bookshop lets psychics charge higher for services. I have ideas for Udemy classes. I have ideas for books. There could be an endless stream of money coming in eventually, as that psychic attack book must be written. I may have to give up some TV time to get this stuff done. I’m going to the library today to get a new set of books. It is dry enough to go out. My art can also make real money. Yes, it can.
I have article ideas for Income Diary about advertising banners that can help you blog although I’ve quit using Max Bounty since I live in mortal fear of generating too much income and winding up cut from my medical benefits. They don’t seem to mind flukes though. Like $1500 flukes that are once in a lifetime, although I have found that blog readers may not like advertising links in my piece. Advertising banners help your blog make money give or take. Google Adsense and Pay-per-click also make blogs money and I’m trying to learn about it by writing an article. The best way for me to learn about things sometimes is to write an article. I’ve submitted pieces for Chicken Soup for the Soul, the book, I have many an idea for Liisbeth, a business website, and there are just steady ideas that I can put together for Cracked, a humor website where I can work on my snarky writing. But anyway, yes, I’m writing.
My current credit card bill is something like $770. Every month I go to the Bank of America ATM to deposit my cash that will mean I pay this bill off slowly. I make money copywriting and this blog has the possibility of earning income. I have to pay up in January, so I’m trying to take my transcription job training seriously and slow. I’m also tempted to look into more jobs but there is work on Textbroker as of right now. I pay all the bills with my SSI in lieu of paying rent, but when I make real money I will be charged up the ass along with a potential roommate I have researched. I plan on paying off my credit card someday. I will succeed at this. I have before, I will again.
I have to take one serious academic class when I can pay for school on my own, and an art class. Two classes a quarter are really all I can stand; with my chronic illness I will just have to take it easy. What bothers me is that I want to overload myself. Why? Because I feel terribly inadequate as a person, and some people just would love to remind me how retarded I might be thanks to my family and their lies. I would overload myself to feel loved. This is ridiculous. If I truly love myself, I wouldn’t overload myself with too much school.
Going to school and having real money means that I will get somewhere with my life again. But then again I feel like I have to prove so much to my family. WTF? I simply cannot overload myself, with anything, since I would have to go back to alcohol and caffeine addiction. I have to be wary of feeling exhausted. I managed to wake up at 3:00 a.m., sip warm leftover tea, and fall asleep again. I woke up at 6:00 a.m. I think I got 12 hours of sleep. In my childhood, I was severely sleep deprived. Any number of times I would have passed out from sheer exhaustion but somehow I kept it together.
Codependency and alcoholism is alive within me. Lately in my adult life, during the holiday season, I have decided to stay in, instead of dealing with people who used to get me to drink a lot. Those who manipulate people into drinking do it with the intention of getting a person drunk. Drinking is in general, not good for you. It is something earth humans do to dull the pain of existence. I made a decision to stop drinking in 2010 because it interfered with my academic life more than one time. Somehow I was able to drink on medication in college. My roommates easily manipulated my alcoholism in Fall 2004.
Alcoholism is a funny illness because you truly don’t notice how much you’ve had until somebody points it out. Not only am I an alcoholic, I’m addicted to stress. School causes me stress, so therefore I have to limit my consumption of academia. In high school, I was curious about alcohol but I stayed away from it. My parents previously kept a well-stocked liquor collection. They also added up their wine bottles of which I took an incriminating picture of because yes, it runs in my family. The big lie alcoholism tells you are that you can function with it.
So it hit me one day when I said, eBay is so expensive, what if people traded their medical supplies in a way that would exchange them, with the nonprofit paying for postage and shipping through donations? This blog serves as my rough draft for the business plan. I think if we are a nonprofit there has to be a way to send money for the shipment of the supplies so that the person who is sending supplies the way of the orderer will be able to get the supplies to their destination. I use eBay a lot for my supplies as necessary.
I drank to ease the pain of picking up on other people’s psychic stuff. Sure, it made me messed up, but that was preferable to loud schizophrenia symptoms in addition to the psychic crap. I also had OCD going on. That was horrible enough to deal with in a fashion I didn’t know I had OCD. I’m a checker, a hand washer, and someone who has to unlock the door after locking it. This is why I yell at the OCD bully in my head before I leave the house, saying to it, OCD, I know what you are trying to pull, quit it, I’m not putting up with your shit. It works on schizophrenia too, because I tell the voice to shut up. But anyway, yes, I’m trying to manage all my mental health problems with medication, which works but I’m not driving right now because I don’t feel right, I’m unfocused, and I feel loopy, so being in some pain even though my knee bends is an indication I shouldn’t drive around that much.
First your heart beats faster. I used to have so much anxiety that it may have sounded like a heart murmur but it wasn’t. Now my medication helps correct this anxiety symptom. Anxiety disorders cause many a physical symptom such as the fight-or-flight response, which causes, well, more anxiety. Anxiety comes up when one is under pressure, because it can help you stay alert and focused on what comes next. But anxiety can also set you up for high blood pressure, which I walked around with for many years without noticing, or having proper treatment for it since Geodon causes high blood pressure anyway.
High blood pressure is what contributes to the wound up feeling. Constant anxiety can feel overwhelming, because worries and fears spring up, that interfere with your relationships. Heck, anxiety interferes with your life. I’ve been hearing wonderful stories lately about CBD oil being very helpful for anxiety. Anxiety attacks strike all of a sudden, out of nowhere, because you could be feeling fine but suddenly be reminded of something that makes you anxious, and there you go. Anxiety is seen as a feeling of fearing something may happen, and dreading this eventual reality. If you watch for signs of danger, you are wondering when something will hit the fan.
This is how I feel around my family, constant anxiety, on edge, wondering who will get angry at whom in a quiet manner as opposed to having it out, saying what you feel, and being treated well out in the open. Anxiety can cause me trouble concentrating because in the end, I’m just an anxious schizoaffective, not someone with ADD or ADHD. I’m not on the autism spectrum at any rate. None. Psychological testing is a great way to shut doubters up who want to make me paranoid.
Anxiety can cause sweating, headaches, an upset stomach, dizziness, and a frequent need to pee or have diarrhea. Anxiety makes you feel shortness of breath, muscle tension or twitches, which happened to me yesterday because my back hurt momentarily after I got my labs done, and I went to Denny’s to get food. Anxiety makes a person shake or tremble, lastly causing insomnia. People with anxiety wonder if it is a mental illness but as someone with anxiety and schizophrenia, I can tell you they are two separate thing and having both is hell. Anxiety attacks make me feel like I’m going to faint, die, or lose control.
My family’s behavior really doesn’t help. Anxiety attacks can cause nausea, and on planes, if it is bad enough, I puke. Its bad enough I’m picking up on other people’s anxiety. But yes, even on land I may wind up puking my guts out before say, performing. I avoid driving right now because I’m wondering if I’m going to scare myself to death, so the car stays dead. I have OCD in addition to anxiety, and that is a nightmare but it is under control with my medication. I have phobias, like my mother, and PTSD, which give me flashbacks. This blog will someday make $100,000 a month, I hope, which can mean money in the bank for me. These days, I’m highly sensitive to chocolate, which is just cheeky of my body to do to me. The nerve, depriving me of my favorite food that really does relax me. Seriously though, I’m more relaxed because my family moved. Constant fights are no more but they will maybe come back. That causes me ridiculous anxiety already, and it was merely a hint dropped on me as a maybe.
iriavp 