I saw a wooden skewer bend in my kitchen. My bending is not limited to metals but plastic, and wood also. The thing was bent, it just was. I cannot work in tech or around metal right now, period. I can’t do controlled experiments until November anyway, because I’m keeping my medication dose high to deal with my stress at being low-income better. I’m trying to not stress out about that because I have a job as a copywriter, which can make me extra income. Yes, I need to find other streams of income as a freelancer who works my own hours. Learning to use Upwork could go a long way into fixing my income issues. Yes, that frustration is a huge trigger along with fear.
Copywriting actually uses all three degrees, my anthropology A.A., which was a happy surprise, my A.A. in creative writing and my Bachelor’s in creative writing. I’m a school junkie I suppose, and I’m working on ways of improving my self-esteem. I’m trying to teach myself to go “I’m not in school, good!” instead of letting the inadequacy take over. I’m trying to feel good about myself. I could become a literary agent, work for a company that deals with books, work as a copywriter for Apple, but all of it has to be remote as drama or politics results in making me very ill.
Work 2 Future got my head out of my ass about working in sales. While I can be good at sales thanks to various types of my psychic talents, I do not like messing with free will unlike my family. I find this sort of misuse very draining to use because I’m a good person who likes doing good. I have many career options to put together including working on my business ideas. I’m also looking into becoming a psychic reader. I have a wix site, I might have found a business partner, and I have a bunch of business ideas that could work. I’m wondering who I can send USB drives to and it looks like cousin can be trusted.
Rapid cyclers need their medication because they change emotions very quickly. Rapid cycling simply means that emotions are very sensitive in the person who rapid cycles. A rapid cycling bipolar as bad as I am needs their medication to stay stable. Medication is a permanent dependency and necessity. Once you become dependent on pharmaceuticals, you cross a line into needing to go to the pharmacy a lot. In fact, I go to the pharmacy like once a week give or take having to refill my meds. My insurance is fabulous to maintain but sooner or later I need to make real money here.
I have spectacular business ideas that may work out. I’m trying to work on making sure that I finish my business plans by December 31st, 2019. Not necessarily the 2018-2019 list either. Not every business idea works though, I’ve had to remove some. My ideas are something I need to take care with. Nothing is worse than a rapid cycler who is flighty with ideas while obsessing over the flight of ideas in your head. Also, I think bipolars are notorious for bad spending habits since the symptoms of bipolar 1 crop up in your 20s when you are in college, trying to make something of yourself. I realize I’m lucky I finished my B.A. in creative writing.
I’m starting a shoe company because while my feet are a size 4, they did stop growing, thank goodness, there are people who have smaller feet than myself. Imagine what a size 3.5 goes through to find shoes or smaller than that. Finding shoes in small sizes or finding shoes in large sizes is extremely difficult for those of us who do not have conventional feet size. My feet put most people’s big feet to shame but I feel ridiculously ashamed of having small feet to the point where I gave my podiatrist shit. I really did. I was like, don’t you dare comment. Oh, good thing he learned his place with me real fast.
Thank God that he’s just a referral from my endocrinologist. Today is do the laundry day, and I’ve been busy getting that done since I bought myself underwear off eBay. Yes, because my knee is now recovering due to me not walking around so much on it when I shouldn’t have been driving either. For the first time in my life I’m doing what I really want to do. My brief time at Work 2 Future served its purpose. I got the skills I needed to learn.
My business idea is meant to be a kind of database as well as its own company. I’d have to rent an office to take care of the shipping. Or at the very least, eventually carve out a corner of a warehouse or something. I’m not even sure how to begin to do inventory for this idea, but it is the business plan I’m working on now that will include number crunching. Yes, I will have to have actual numbers. I still can’t afford a pair of sandals I want. Last month was an experiment on how to properly make money once a week. This month continues the copywriting experiment. With my knee, it is all I can handle. Therapy, copywriting, writing, business plans, and reading my USB drive on Upwork.
I had thought with my degrees, I could become a television producer. I can get an AA in film and television while working on my IGETC requirements. I have a bunch of television show and movie ideas that I need to write up. I look forward to taking a screen writing class in order to make something of this idea, eventually. I need a job in LA while I get my MFA at UCLA after all. Hell, Law School itself will take time. But it is good for my stress not to be in school right now. Greyschool, that counts as school stress. It is online pagan school.
I’m trying to be a more productive person here, and I’m trying to write every day. I have to work on a short story about my family that I want to be 8,000 words. I have another one in my head about mom’s fear of psychiatry, which will be published under my pen name. My television show ideas are many, and I even could set up a travel show for myself. But traveling is very hard on a schizophrenic with type 1- diabetes. It gets exhausting. I have to be wary, and the last time I traveled I didn’t have the tools to raise my medication. Of course, nobody took me to the doctor that time, even if I needed fresh thyroid medication, etc.
I feel a strong need to get my business plans done by December 31st, 2019. This is almost an urge. Its like a driving urge. I can multi-task like crazy if I have to, but I will get it done. I want to put stuff on USB drives to send out. It feels like a Herculean task at times only because just looking at my long list which I had to save as a 3rd file, is overwhelming. It makes me feel overloaded. I have to be wary of overload when it comes to anything academic. In particular, when I reenroll in junior college to get my AA in film and television, I’m going to have to tread carefully.
I want to gather mailing addresses from my Facebook army of volunteers. Many people are going to get USB drives. Yes, the writing will be in English but I plan on sending the business plans to the cousins, and only the cousins. For instance, in Spain, everybody can share amongst the cousins only. My family will take no interest and besides, I do not trust immediate family. But there are others I do trust who I will tag when the time is right, whom I need to send a USB drive to. I have to pay for postage also. I have to send somebody Benadryl soon enough.
I’ve wanted to get back into martial arts for a very long time but it’s just with my hernia that I’m wondering if it is possible. Stomach crunches may aggravate my hernia and my knee is still very much trying to heal itself after all the hell it put up with being stiff since 2016. We really don’t want to freak out my hernia any more than necessary. So I’m thinking biking at the gym may be safer than martial arts. But hey, martial arts still calls to me. If I can find a great kenpo school, even better, or tae kwon do for that matter.
I’m forced to take it easy from my knee injury. I don’t want to over do sports, which is why I have a knee injury to begin with. When my family is here, two narcissists always together cause me stress. Martial arts helps me take care of that stress. So does yoga. Yoga is a fabulous exercise in general, because it burns 196 calories while tae kwon do burns 321 calories an hour. I could wolf down Happi House dinners with brown rice before class, and still be stable because I didn’t need that much insulin for it. Ahh, yes, those were the days, but I still have to take it easy regarding all sporting activities.
October is coming furiously. But we will not be dealing with 90-degree heat every day this year like last year’s Indian Summer, which was pretty horrible. My goal this October is to embrace my talents, not to run away from them. Maybe it’d be a good time of year to do a controlled experiment with chocolate, how much chocolate is too much chocolate. I want to be able to say psychic things without scaring people but sometimes it is too much for some people to process. I figured out at the grocery store that they carry only one brand of Parmesan cheese.
I’m just relieved I’m stable. I know when to raise my meds, when my signature at the pharmacy become awkward to write, if it is in a squiggle format, squiggly in general, and it doesn’t look right. I also know to lower my meds if I’m way too relaxed which will happen on November 1st, 2019 where I could take a chance and lower my meds for a while but the second it rains I may have to raise my meds. But anyway, yes, I’m trying to embrace my psychic talents in October, such as when I figured out that Lucky carries one brand of Parmesan and that’s it.
Also, I managed to share a claircognizant insight with my Diabetes Educator. I said, “patent ductus asclerosis” does not necessarily heal on its own. She confirmed that little insight right then. This is the heart condition I was born with, which is nonexistent now. I have been to echoes, and cardiologists, and yes, I’m telling you, it doesn’t exist. I have to stop complaining about my abilities already and use it. I can read Tarot cards. I worked really hard to have this particular skill. I have a chip reader, what is stopping me from starting my psychic reader business. Hell, I suppose I’m just paranoid about stigma.
Besides giving them money, I didn’t give a bum money in Berkeley and the aggressive bum kicked my chair save for the fact that I shifted position in the chair to prevent it from falling over. I had some bystanders tell him to leave me alone but not before I flipped him off which got him to run. See, before this incident, and the bum was begging mind you, I was busy fending off a Blackman who was a bum, and asked me for money. He was able to politely not pressure me further but not the other white guy bum. I was waiting for an Ex friend, who didn’t ask me if I was okay, and yet another reason for dumping her has been found.
iriavp 