My writing goals are the following:
1) Write $300 worth of copy this month.
2) Submit more writing to other magazines with deadlines posted by Authors Publish and Freedom With Writing to Chicken soup for the soul, me time.
3) Vocal Media, more writings about the Constitution and the Amendments,
4) Blog post every day, update.
5) Work on the beginnings of Uncovering your story line, The Land of True blood including snarky mean things the characters say to each other.
6) Finish All the shit and submit with Lazarus
7) Join other sites like Textbroker, as I have a list of sites that want to hire online Freelance writers.
8) One guest blog post, where I get paid for this.
9) Submit writing to a literary magazine, such as The Narcissists’ Womb,
10) Return to Honor, sequel background. No title yet.
Business Plan goals
1) Finish the How to Start A Business Website business plan
2) Better tasting gummy glucose tablets – business plan
3) Demography organized
4) Literature database website that pays people to review books/write book reports- the list is understandably long but it is something I need to get done.
Anyway, I’m working on a lot this month. I also have to do some experiments with gummy glucose tablet making or making gummy candy at home. I also have to work on the insulin pump icepack but I’m not sure if I’m doing that this month as the weather is very mild this year, unlike last year’s 90 degree weather daily. I still have to go out in the mornings because of my knee injury slowing me down. My knee injury is making me very reclusive. As if that is not bad enough, I have a hernia. A hiatal hernia, which means that I’m going to need surgery eventually because I make it a firm rule not to discuss my health problems with nosy people like my family.
My business plan needs to be finished. So do my stories. I need to finish projects I start, which is why I love my medication because I have better follow-through than I’ve ever had in my life. Lamictal is a fabulous medication. When I get an insight to get on a new medication, I look into it deeply. I think about it a long time. Back when I was doing work 2 future, I was able to go to class without having immense anxiety or panic attacks. Cutting out caffeine of all kinds is the best thing I have done for myself, ever. I have new books in my head that my alias has to keep separate from my real name. These books are about psychic attack among other subjects. I have much to accomplish this month.
Quit calling everything retarded. Quit it. Do you have any idea that’s loaded for me? Zod called me a retard in front of my doctor once, just to be clear. Zod would claim that I’m not remembering this right. See, I had schizophrenia and didn’t know it for 30 years, the first thirty years of my life. My family deprived me of a diagnosis, much less conscious knowledge. I know every schizoaffective out there needs meds. With my psychic skill set, I’d better be taking my medication daily. Why you ask? Okay, ignorant other psychics out there, I’m willing to bet money you want me to treat you with common courtesy. Yes, polite.
So in which case, understand why I need my medication, as I’m a rapid cycler. Bipolars with rapid cycling change their moods very quickly. The last thing I want is to have a moody hissy fit with that. Quit calling people on medication retarded. Hell, quit yelling out “retard-face” when I have a nasty pimple in my nose. It took two months of antibiotic to be rid of that monster.
Quit calling people’s thumb retarded. Quit calling people a retard in general, quit messing with people who have chronic illness or disability. Anybody with low IQ can be quite functional as I’ve met them all where I live now. I know whose who. The thing is, real retards are institutionalized, long-term and often for life. Anybody you see on the bus, or on the street, or who qualifies for a disabled bus pass unlike myself, is functional. So quit calling people retards, okay? Not even Stephen Hawking was actually retarded, or so you think, only his body was messed up but not his mind. His body stopped working, he lived in it as best he could which is all most of us can expect.
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Back when I was not on medication, I’d have to fend off suicidal thoughts. My family is not the sort of people who take responsibility for picking on me for expressing suicidal thoughts though, because that is what would happen to me. I guarantee you that they take no interest in this blog or my Facebook since I have both parents blocked on Facebook. The thing is, I have put up with constant shit. So I’m trying to learn to not be hard on myself when I realize I really do not do many wrong things in my life to hurt others.
I’ve been hurt but I do not deliberately hurt others, although mania does turn me mirror-universe evil. I have had to deal with those who pick fights with me in order to blame my behavior on getting triggered into mania when it was really them. This is a persistent paper-doll like theme in my life that I’m working on getting rid of. When some idiot girls in their car screamed “retard” at me in my neighborhood on Blossom Hill and Playa Del Rey, I screamed back at them that I was ill, and you shouldn’t be picking on someone too exhausted to fight back. Anybody on Blossom Hill who lives in a condo should know about this as I was yelling loud. The only other witness was a female electrician who was chuckling.
Why do people want to trigger me so much still? I’m working on changing this life pattern. Because yes, we mentally ill people have suicidal thoughts but OCD gives you some of those without meaning to. It is random, and at times, funny. In high school, I felt so anxious that time moved at a slow crawl for me when I was sitting there in the classroom. I’d panic often, and spent whole days with my heart racing, all day, every day. This is what its like to have untreated schizoaffective.
I was often wondering if I’d make it to the end of class, and paranoid I would die before the end of class. Despite the stress, I managed to make it through all four years of high school without medication. It is not a weakness to take medication, like my family thinks. Its ridiculous they didn’t know any better. But hey, I’m medication consistent now. You fend off suicidal thoughts by thinking of something else. Then again with OCD that is hard and I’m very grateful for the OCD medication I have now.
I have extra income from my copywriting that will eventually come in this month. Yes, I will report it when I do not feel too run down. This is why I’m cutting work 2 future from my schedule because I have a hernia. I’m also dealing with mental illness but this morning I feel fabulous because I did get a very good night’s sleep. I have stable blood sugars in the middle of the night, as I figured out my middle of the night basal rate settings. When it comes to my mental illness, I do not believe in keeping it secret.
That’s ridiculous. I do not expect stigma, therefore I will not get stigma. I tell people that say I don’t need medication, would you rather I stay civil with you? Or do you want me to be mean to you? It is bizarre how people seem to think I do not need medication. I’m sorry, but did it ever occur to you that being an empath causes me intense stress? I have trouble filtering out other people’s thoughts, which makes me very anxious. My medication helps me not be as anxious. I’m in a lot of pain lately besides, from the hernia which I’m trying to get the doctors to see needs surgery.
I figured out one angle on surgery though, and that is to make sure that my doctor knows my diabetes is under control, because control diabetes and I get surgery. I think that may be a good plea bargain that my doctor can live with. So I’m going to present this to my internist on Friday. That hernia is the smoking gun of all smoking guns. You see, mental illness or illness of any kind does not have to be hidden, anymore than I should hide my insulin pump. I feel in being open about it, which is why this blog exists as it is. I’ve finally solved a huge medical mystery I was dealing with, I have a hiatal hernia.
https://www.mb103.com/lnk.asp?o=16077&c=918273&a=326272&k=A83945F4FE217F1EB246130433AD2A29&l=17317
Hail and farewell to June and hello to July. This summer in the Bay Area will not be as dreadfully hot as the summers of the last four years. We’ve gotten enough rain this winter to make sure that summer will not turn deadly hot. I’m doing my best to make money while staying within the limit. I’ve succeeded thus far. They owed me retroactive money which has me saving quite a bit this month. My blog has to make money or maybe, eventually I need to sell a business plan.
But anyway, once I was slurred, back when I had the nasty pimple in my nose, and I screamed at the young ladies who did this to me. The funny part is that the light stayed red as they were making a left onto Playa Del Rey. I heard them yell “retard” and the next thing I was doing to them was screaming that I wasn’t feeling well. They also got told to not pull this shit on somebody who was feeling run down, with difficulty in answering back to them. Somehow I managed to call up enough energy to continue screaming at them. And continue screaming at them I did. There was a female electrician out at the time, and I heard her laughing as I walked back to my house, satisfied that I had avenged myself on bullies.
When I get the pimples, do not call me retard-face you fucking jerk-off. I know you did that, I know who did that. You may not know that I do have some dysmorphic facial features although my genetic disability is erring on least obvious. Don’t trigger me into feeling suicidal with that crap, please. Someday I’ll be a published author as well as make money from my blog.
The guy who yelled retard-face, now has my name via psychic link, and he can look up this blog slamming him for yelling at me. I know that black men like to make a woman feel insecure to see how she handles it. Not that I was looking at this guy like he was hot or anything, he wasn’t. Dreadlocks all over the place. He wasn’t even dressed well enough for me to merit looking at him. I’m older than I look hun. Don’t fuck with me and I won’t fuck with you. I go to occupational therapy at San Jose State, so if you want to be a demonstration as to how I use my chi, meet me there first day of the new semester this year in a few months. I’m not retarded dumbass, I have at least a bachelor’s
My knee is improving a lot, to the point of being something I can tolerate by now. Yes, I’ve been stiff for three years. But what I do is I say, Zod butt out, since they live in Spain with an understanding of distance psychic stuff. Their energy is keeping my knee stiff, according to my Reiki Healer. Although this year, I was way too ill to go to Pantheacon, because of the intestinal obstruction I had. My obstruction healed very nicely though, after the barium swallow. I’m now wondering what next as the endoscopy revealed a hiatal hernia. I had flashbacks about this hernia being discovered when I was three, although anyway, I have to work on my instruction manual this summer.
I was born with access to an instruction manual in my head for all the psychic stuff. The instruction manual is way to access the Akhashic records that tell me what a skill is or what will happen if I do x, y, z. It is a huge dose of do this, not that, as well as take your medication to stay in control. If one day, the unthinkable that Zod wants, does happen, like not taking my medication, then my abilities go out of control. My instruction manual is really an instinct.
My instincts tell me that my windows will blow up if I go there. Or I will wind up so anxious I throw up. The last time I traveled with my mother, this is what happened. I got triggered into massive vomiting fits. I was anxious, stressed, and I started throwing up in Madrid, all the way to Miami. I was very ill. But nobody thought that it was serious or asked me about it since I was traveling with my family who knows how to deflect people from asking this. The key to stop their feeding on my energy though is to be totally relaxed, not to be triggered into getting wound up for any reason. This is the key. So with that in mind, this entire year from this day to next year, is going to be a year of being totally relaxed. I want to put myself in Bridges to Recovery mental health rehab, which is why I need to write that pamphlet about my abilities project.
https://www.mb103.com/lnk.asp?o=16077&c=918273&a=326272&k=A83945F4FE217F1EB246130433AD2A29&l=17317
My Hiatal Hernia
This Tuesday, I had to go to the hospital for like, only the fourth time, with 28 years of Type 1-Diabetes of experience in which I haven’t been hospitalized for having type 1 diabetes. Sure, I was hospitalized for type 1 diabetes at age 10, and before that I had a palette surgery to correct my voice, at age 8, which is a 22q thing, to correct a nasal voice. But anyway, I have a hernia, a hiatal hernia, that was small but I feel is getting larger. I have to quit lifting heavy shit for one, like my garbage or even stuff like nailing my gate boards together. I’m not even sure I feel super comfortable driving right now so I’m using the Medi-cal free cab services.
Hiatal hernias cause heartburn symptoms; this means for sure that my hernia may require surgery. You see, I’m a very sensitive person who can feel the regurgitation of liquids into my mouth from that hernia. Hell, I can outright sense its presence by now. I spent years not having symptoms and I wonder, why I have symptoms? So I say it is my psychically attacking me mother who wants some heinous emergency to crop up.
I feel like my stomach hurts a lot with this hernia, which is why I’m doing the gastric emptying test. But hey, some stuff hasn’t gone to hell yet. My health is not in immediate danger. I’m not vomiting yet. But last night I sure as hell felt nauseated in bed lying on my left side. I’m trying to sleep sitting up since I hear that helps a hernia. I also cannot eat tomatoes, which is making me crazy since I like ketchup and barbecue sauce.
My hiatal hernia symptoms include belching and bloating but not as bad as when I had that intestinal obstruction in January. I was rendered unable to do much except read, watch TV, and go to therapy. I’m not in that much pain though, since I don’t necessarily feel the pain in my stomach. I can feel the hernia in my upper intestines. I’ve already lost the weight I need to lose though. I can’t have citrus or juices, which cause heartburn because I like orange juice. I’m contemplating how to spiritually heal my hernia, or use psychic healing or whatever. I also have to limit foods containing caffeine in it. I’m awaiting my endoscopy results.
My medication for my schizoaffective has a thing, with the way that I have to eat before bed since I need a small snack to take my medication with. This snack is a vegetable-based snack. One piece of good news is that I’ve managed to stabilize my blood sugar at 3:00 a.m. because I was 152 twice this morning. I slept 7 hours total again from like 9:00 p.m. – 3:00 a.m. I’m close to winning, so to celebrate I made myself churros.
I feel strongly I need laparoscopic surgery to kick my hernia’s ass. I flashbacked months ago to when I was 3 or 4 and Zod got told by the doctor that I had a hernia. What does she do? It doesn’t require surgery? I wish I had some kind of record to prove I needed surgery then. I don’t though. Hey, hernias are very treatable. I await endoscopy results.
Works Cited
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hiatal-hernia/symptoms-causes/syc-20373379
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/8098-hiatal-hernia/management-and-treatment
What dumbass thinks my life is half-over at 38? A former neighbor for one, because sure, my blood sugar was high while I was dealing with him, so I couldn’t get my wits together to say something scathing as I was busy eating lunch/injecting having to take care of my apparent set failure. Yes, I inject in public. I actually do not give a damn about what other people think, in particular when I whip out the blood-letting supplies as well as my insulin pump. I’m-like, think what you want, although when I travel, I’m a tourist so few sneer at me in Spain or Chile, my ancestral countries.
I wouldn’t move to Spain though. Over my dead body, would I move to Spain? We know this. Hey, I survived my endoscopy. Yes, I did. I was able to have a friend with me so I tolerated it as best I could. Sometimes I need more support than I let on, although, my friends truly respect my privacy because I need a lot of alone time as an introverted extrovert who has an extrovert button. When I spent too much time around other people, I get stressed out. I have to recuperate by myself, which is why I do not have a roommate. I find walking to get my prescriptions, stressful as a one-errand a day sort of stress.
These days, though, I’ve learned a lot about stress management. I’ve learned about how to have fun in life, and what Work 2 Future classes are too much for me. I’ve learned my limitations, how much medication I need, which is the higher dose I’m taking now at 140 mg of Geodon. That endoscopy experience proved interesting. I got fluids from an IV but that cut on my left hand is healing rather nicely. Super-fast healing for a type 1 diabetic who practices Reiki is another post, for another time. That Ph.D. will be in psychology to go side-by-side with my M.D. in psychiatry. As it was said by a friend of mine, we need more “crazy psychiatrists, ” lol. I’d set the bar real high for other people who need to take medication daily. I only have real friendships now because I’m medication consistent although it would be nice to see them in the real world more often, outside of Facebook. I wish my knee could allow me to go to entrepreneurship Meetups, and eventually the Toastmasters I found out here at Mimi’s Café, which I intend on going to soon as it meets at 7:00 a.m. Now that I can get to places early that is.
I need to go to De Anza for a film and television AA to add onto my credits from my Bachelor’s at San Francisco State. I would love a Bachelor’s in anthropology also as I have enough credits for that. But you see, my codependency makes me want to overload myself just to prove I’m smart. Sometimes I find myself fearing that if I quit believing the lie, I might just stop breathing which may have been part of the curses that my family put on me and that an old roommate put on me when I was being abused by my roommates at San Francisco State University.
I really do what an MFA so if I went back to school this year at De Anza, that’d be great. This is why I work on my blog daily since I would like it to generate $100,000 a month if possible. But anyway, I’m busy making sure my hernia doesn’t interfere with my life. School has its limitations. At work 2 Future I learned about how not to over do things. I learned how much I could push myself using my current cocktail of medications. I learned that I am now able to sit in the classroom without showing visible signs of anxiety like sweaty palms, and generally without my psychic stuff scaring me to death.
So in which case, I need to get that AA. I have functioned for 35 years with a hernia that is small. Yesterday morning I got an endoscopy. I had a low-grade fever of 99.5 and low blood pressure. I also had enough discipline to keep my PK off when the nurse inserted the IV for fluids. Yes, the needle was in me and I have witnessed syringes bend when I uncap it, while about to inject. I had to go back to shots for a while this week because the gold plate of my battery cap fell off. I replaced the battery cap with the new one I had to send away for.
So you see, I have to be careful with how many classes I take. I can’t fall into the codependent trap of people pleasing to overload myself as I have to watch out for my illnesses since overload causes me mania. I wake up going, shit, I can’t do anything at all today, if I have way too much to get done. I wish my knee was better so I could have more energy over all but it is still inching its way to better. I cannot overload myself, since a psychic with schizophrenia would make themselves very ill which would affect the people around me.
iriavp 