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January 20, 2019

Star Trek Nemesis in Real Life

Okay, so psychic links go both ways, and the Ex was wondering wtf why he saw my parent’s face in mine when we had sex. I’m dead serious in that this stuff is real shit. I’m not kidding around. It goes both ways, so this is as specific as I want to get with this. Psychic links work the same exact way they do in fiction. I didn’t know how to explain this perverted reality but hey, I figured out to use Star Trek Nemesis to do it.

This is why I do not want to be in any sort of relationship right now. If only because I want to stay single, heal myself, work on myself, and work on my C-PTSD since my childhood was one long, non-stop trauma-fest. I am now more or less free of chronic trauma. I had to dump two of my friends in order to get to where I am today. My life was so stressful as a child, I had no breaks. I didn’t even get a gap year for college. I was forced to go to junior college while ill with hypothyroidism that wasn’t treated until I was 20. Menstrual cycles from hell ran my whole existence back then, and so did my caffeine addiction, which is real, that I’ve studied in myself and others. I had a teacher at work 2 future who was an addict, and her moods were severely messed with before she had her coffee in the morning. I want to eventually set up resources to help people with caffeine addiction. Caffeine can set off mania in normal people, what does it do to bipolars. I’m a very sensitive psychic, I had to stop using caffeine to keep my psychic talent off or stable, or more like without running amok.

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January 19, 2019

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I used to be paranoid that bad stuff happened to me because I didn’t have enough divine protection but then I realized that I was busy whining about how people mistreat me and if I don’t stand up for myself it is on me. You want justice? You bring it to yourself. The Gods don’t give up on me because I try daily to improve my life. They are the ones who told me I needed medication in the first place. The gods would kick me to the curb if I ever became medication inconsistent. That is a bridge I’m never going to cross, Cylons.

Cylons are what I call my improperly treated or those who skip treatment “friends,” who became toxic to me because I had to dump them. The Gods demand many things from me, including making an effort to make more money, to completely buck the unemployment dole. A work from home job will suit me very well. I don’t commute anyway. The thought of commuting scares me. But then again when I apply for jobs, I deal with so many rejections that I get depressed as to my educational and job related state of affairs.

At least occupational therapy gives me an excuse to go to San Jose State. These days I have a zero tolerance policy for “friends” who are irresponsible about their mental health. These “friends” have a habit of pissing me off when they skip their meds. Some people can’t take being confronted on it. Staying stable involves taking your medication every day. I can’t make it to a friend of mine’s funeral tonight but that’s me being mature and responsible knowing I can’t go out at night after the service. I need to stay home as I do not want to impose. So I bow out gracefully. The gods appreciate my responsibility. One way to serve them is to take my medication consistently. I can’t be around people who aren’t on medication to control their wild-childness. Stay away from me. Thanks.

January 18, 2019

How Psychic Energy Manipulation Works

To be manipulative requires an ability to know how people will react to your attempts to get a reaction. Manipulative people want to manipulate you because they want the power of your reaction. Psychic energy manipulation adds a new component to the act of manipulation, the psychic person is manipulating people’s energy on an energetic and social level. Certain people once asked a pharmacist for a dose of my medication. That pharmacy tech must have lost his job on the spot. Eventually certain people learned to butt out of my pharmaceutical business. Psychic energy manipulation is a thing, a real ability.

This is when I first realized what I can do, the incident with the pharmacy people where I used to live, and how I’ve inherited this ability from my family only I use it for good, to keep people from engaging in bad habits. It is not okay to enjoy one cigarette, because those cigarettes could kill you. You will pay later, in lung damage, brain damage, and physiological addiction. How my family can manipulate their own physicians, I’m a bit confused on but I have to tell them what was done to them unnecessarily.

I refrain from using my abilities this way but I mess with bullies using it or losing it. Use it or lose it applies to most psychic talent anyway. I have repressed very deeply my ability to finish people’s sentences or to know what they are going to tell me. Manipulative people thrive on getting the responses they crave. They say to do things that goes against your better judgment. They love getting you to sink into your bad habits. They just love doing what they do. Master manipulators crave the chase. They love messing with your head so it is best to stay away from them, to not let them worm their way back into your life.

January 17, 2019

What Psychic Attack Is

A psychic attack is a deliberate launching of negative energy. It is somebody else trying to stick their demonic finger inside your head from the outside to the inside. It is an excuse to pump you full of lies about yourself. You start fearing your own brain. For a schizophrenic person, a psychic attack is all about hallucinating or having delusions. Psychic attack can turn lethal if you wind up feeling your heart is going to beat out of your chest from panic attack-like sensations. Psychic attack is an ugly thing to do to somebody because if you read my last blog post, thoughts are things.

An innocent person cannot be cursed because they are innocent. A guilty person can be more affected by a psychic attack. If the source of psychic attack is demonic activity, it is merely whispers in the brain of an addled person whether or not they have schizophrenia. A person with ill will deliberately uses malicious language. They know very well how that word can affect the victim’s energy field. Demons love talking to people’s subconscious to make them depressed. They come up with horrible things to say about you. This is why a psychic must have decent psychic boundaries.

Psychic attack can hurt somebody physically by causing pain in their bodies. Psychosomatic stress illness can be brought on by high stress in the body, since stress is linked to emotions. Thoughts are things, thoughts can hurt people. Some people are not dumb about this. They deliberately go for maximum injury since they know that their words can hurt somebody’s precious feelings. Hurting people’s feelings on a regular basis is not necessarily good for the person causing the stress or the person being bullied. You see, actual bullies go for maximum carnage. So don’t fall prey to deliberateness since it is 100% on purpose. Assholes know how to use it or lose it.

January 16, 2019

How Somebody Else Can Take Away Divine Protection from Ill Will Alone

You see, my Ex-friend pissed off every deity on Earth by not taking her medication consistently. She not only pissed off the gods, she pissed me off too. This is something I never intend to do for myself ever, period. Why? Because the Ferengi would love that, that’s why, the greedy, untreated assholes who want to push me over the edge deliberately. Thoughts are things, thoughts are made up of emotion. Emotion can be sent to someone else. If you are not wary of your dark thoughts when you talk shit about somebody, know that the words are affecting their energy field even from a distance.

My worst fear is not taking my medication. I would never ever make myself mirror-universe evil by choice. That’s what mania does to me, think Discovery, mirror-universe evil, just think about what that means. I am not sweetness and light all the time. I have some deep-seated rage problems I’m stuffing which is causing me a stomachache. Hell, I need to go in again. Divine protection can be snuffed out if you do something that goes against the natural order of the universe like not taking your medication consistently. I mean growing up I got constant shit for being in pain, which is why I hide myself when I’m ill. I want no one to take care of me and no one to see it.

Divine protection is a constant so long as you do right. When you mean someone harm, like throwing out my collection of moisturizers, that is deliberate. Every action intended to harm someone is deliberate. If someone else sends ill will energy at a person, they can pick it up, ex-boyfriends’ mother. This is a fact of the way energy works. Energy is made up of thought and emotions. Emotions create thoughts and thoughts are things. At least I have medication in the now, but I felt in high school that I was a burden when I had symptoms that weren’t treated. So if you deliberately hurt someone, the Gods will punish you accordingly. You punish yourself with the negativity of your ill will.

January 14, 2019

How Bindings Work and How Bindings Do Not Work

Sometimes a bound person can wiggle their way out of a binding. I started showing up to AA meetings and somebody also pagan bound me. I caught up with her at the last Pantheacon, where she was in the bathroom and as I left, I said “I know what you did,” which means that I really did know what she had done. Bindings keep somebody from doing harm, but that person could easily decide to harm you anyway. Harm is relative but coming from a narcissistic person, they mean you genuine ill will, which is why protection spells are necessary to cast so as to keep them away from you.

Magick is the tool of the oppressed. Witchcraft is a delicate instrument though because it means that you are playing with energetic fire. Candles can burn the house down. There are many ways to cast a spell without using candles. Pantheacon is an exercise in casting spells, running energy, and focusing magick. Once many start practicing witchcraft, those types do not always go back to Christianity if you know where your preternatural and eternal strength come from. The power is deep inside of you, and it comes out when courage to stand up to oppression arises. I did have a friend help me wriggle out of the binding somebody had bound me with. I needed help with my alcoholism, which is why I was attending AA, something the Ferengi would never do. My family is just not into abstinence of alcohol. I got myself in there because I wanted to go to school but had to treat my schizoaffective first.

January 13, 2019

Why Curses Don’t Always Work For Me

I can’t get up enough ire, anger, or hatred to curse somebody. I mean I can bubble it up in my head, mind and body, but I do not have the wherewithal to curse. I just can’t seem to do it properly. An exorcism on the Ferengi did work though. I thought it hadn’t but I didn’t fight with them in an extreme manner the whole time they were in the States. Curses require festering rage. Somehow, I have enough compassion in my heart to not hurt somebody but to understand what they did to hurt me instead.

My kind heart does bother me to a great extent though. Sometimes I rant to myself that I curse my kind heart because I really need to be mean to somebody but can’t get myself worked up enough to that end. At least now I’ve had a schizophrenia diagnosis for 7 years since 2012. I found the right medication, and got myself stable. So the manic rages do not have much firepower anymore. I also quit drinking coffee, which triggers me into mania since coffee is a stimulant. Racing thoughts are not fun to live with when you do not take medication as I had to live with that in high school all through high school. My family (The Ferengi), simply didn’t treat me.

People who practice witchcraft think that thoughts are things. If you think, say, or do malicious things behind your friends’ back with malicious intent, your actions come back to you via the three-fold rule. If you say nasty things about somebody behind their back, this stuff can affect the person who is victimized in the form of illness. If I heal somebody too much, consequently, I could become very ill myself in the form of coma, or hard to heal flu. As it is, I’m done picking up on other people’s pain because I might have gastritis, so I have prepared for this possibility by getting library books on gut health. Talking shit about somebody in a mean way does the shit-talker more harm than good, as well as the person being spoken of. Some bullies like to harness this power over other people. This is why you have to strive to attract positive energy to your life without bringing other people down by gossiping, saying mean things, or in general, not allowing them to believe in good for themselves.

January 11, 2019

How Witchcraft Works Or Doesn’t

I’m writing this without any sources today because I want to test my own knowledge on the subject. Real witchcraft is not about perceiving glowing light every time you cast a spell. You see that on an etheric level, and feel it. Once I healed myself from a nasty boil in my mouth. I’ve had that nasty shit before. I had to treat it with salt water rinse. I’m a fucking powerful healer, damn it. I felt it in there one minute, and with a pissed off flash of warm heat, my boil disappeared on me. I have had bruises from my infusion set heal faster. Before my study of Usui Reiki, I had to heal slowly. Then I tried theta healing with a healer, and wow, that was amazing because I stayed functional without bad medication side effects or anything worse happening to me.

Blessing medication to treat side effects really does work. My benztropine helps alleviate my swollen tongue thing. I once gave a speech like that. I have learned to talk around cough drops. If you sleep well, you get less side effects. But hey, if side effects become difficult, its time to change out your medication, some people. Likewise, if you have to manifest money, not believing in the work it takes to manifest, is like disbelieving in the magick altogether. Remember, I can hear people’s thoughts. So in which case, that drives me completely bonkers. Stark raving crazy, and my medication helps me manage my anxiety over this talent. Sure, my astrology chart says I ought to be working as a professional psychic. That is quite intimidating to me but it might have to be done eventually. Witchcraft doesn’t work with hiring mangers though, because you cannot manipulate their energy into calling you. You can only use your imagination to bring you what you need. Often, magickal workings can be done without candles. Pantheacon is an exercise in not using candles at all to work some great magick. We use fake candles and we are happy with this since we can’t set off the fire alarms in the hotel.

January 10, 2019

Why I Became Pagan

I found the Catholic Church dull and boring. The occult is simply more fun, period. I wasn’t allowed to practice witchcraft until I was 20. I got on proper medication at 20 too. Or at least what passed for proper since I didn’t see a schizophrenia-believing shrink until I was at least 30 in 2012. Being unstable is a huge hot mess. It is not fun. Some people have fun with that but mental health symptoms are torture for me. I hate the fact that my energy can damage somebody else’s when manic. I could have really hurt people in high school. But hey, this ball was more in my families’ court. The Constitution of the United States guarantees freedom of religion in our first amendment. I value this freedom of choice since I wasn’t granted proper choices in high school at all, and this continued with me going to Mass until I was 20 when I said, in 2002, whatever. Now that I’m finally stable, I still have to be careful with magick since it is powerful stuff. It can kill you if you do not treat it respectfully. Wielding magick against another can hurt them. Thoughts are things, thoughts can hurt other people. This is why we pagans with mental illness have to be wary how we treat our energy and the energy of others.

January 9, 2019

Why I Practice Witchcraft

I take personal responsibility for bringing justice onto yourself very seriously. It is why I want to start a personal responsibility course on Udemy. I want to teach people how to be responsible. In high school, I quote myself as saying that I want to be responsible for my mental health. I wanted to take personal responsibility for it but I wasn’t allowed to take medication for this stuff. I have to make income for myself right now though even if that will render me having to pay up the ass for medical care.

Witchcraft for me, is about serving the greater good although in real life, personal gain is okay. It is something pagans simply do, is use magick for personal gain because using magick to affect public policy doesn’t always work. On the other hand talking to politicians about public policy is something that can bring about social change. I have real trauma issues to work through as well, that I need more of a therapist for than I have. I am not starting therapy until February 12th at San Jose State. I practice witchcraft without using candles. Candles could burn the house down. This is a running joke in the pagan community.

I practice witchcraft with taking my medication daily since it is the only way to control my power, period. Nothing else works. My power could burn a hole inside of me as I’m awaiting a gastritis test results and that could eventually cause me an ulcer, which is literally a hole inside my body. What is going on with the government shutdown is not helping my stress levels at all, much less what is going on with health care. Having to stay low-income to qualify for free medical care scares me. My use of energy to heal myself helps a lot though.