I felt a strong need to vote yesterday so I did that. Then I got home from therapy wiped out so I didn’t find the strength to do all my writing. I’m just stating up front that pitying somebody for stuff they cannot control like their disability, is useless. It just is. Disability just is. It exists, it is in your face, you cannot do anything about it. The NAMI person tried to tell me not to check my blood sugar in front of people because she was ignorant. I am not going back to NAMI again except to become a peer-to-peer counselor with a stipend.
I don’t see why some people feel the need to call disabled people a retard when not every disability would cause that. Seriously, do not piss off somebody with repressed violence problems or maybe I’m picking up those strong emotions from my family, as so happens to somebody with my brand of psychic talent. My skill set is formidable at any rate. That outweighs my disability in the pagan community where people do not care so much. I’ve increased my ability to give people shit in the last two years where I haven’t doubted myself as much. When you doubt yourself with the need to give people shit, you do not succeed at it.
I’m an expert on giving people shit if they look at my disability as a negative, something to pity me for, or something that means I’m going to die eventually. Shut up about it, I’m going to live to be an old woman. I want to exceed my supposed lifespan limitations. I will not die at 69 or later, I’m going to be around. I want to see what happens to this planet of ours.
There are a few different kinds of pity, such as self-pity, pity for others, and denying your need for pity. Self-pity is otherwise known as feeling sorry for yourself. It means that you are knee deep in, shit this sucks, I can’t do it, I’m pissed off, I’m not going to succeed, and on and on. Part of coping with your feelings involves admitting you have them. If you cannot see your feelings for what they are, you cannot get your head out of your ass. If somebody accuses you of wanting pity, they are gaslighting you if you know you’ve been positive as happened to me in high school.
With determination, I survived high school being as untreated as I was. It takes effort to not crack up when you are not on medication. It is exhausting to put up a front that nobody can find fault with. In some ways, I have never been allowed to feel my feelings my whole life, as if having feelings is a bad thing. Having feelings is not necessarily a bad thing. I can experience a full range of emotion. Girls who get angry directly are called lesbians in high school as somebody dared call me that. I gave him shit many times for many reasons. So yes, I’m in general, not into feeling sorry for myself or asking other people for pity. There you go.
And that is quit being a fundamentalist. All fundamentalists need to get over it. Period. Jesus is fed up with what you’ve done with Christianity. I’m a Gnostic Christian, pagan and Tibetan Buddhist for one. For another, he’s just plain pissed. I mean really, you do not want him mad at you. He’s stressed at the state of the world and why people who are delusional enough to think they are Christian will vote Trump. Don’t get your fundamentalist panties in a bunch about this stuff. Jesus is truly fed up. He rants. He raves. He’s done. Quit driving Him crazy. Quit it.
I’ve gotten many useful suggestions on how to cope with the oncoming stress of dealing with the return of the untreated Ferengi. I’m more focused on my non-profit than I am about my paranoia on the return of both parents. Therapy has helped me figure out how my reactions will be, how I will deal with things, and what I will do when they do return. Therapy has really helped me focus on stuff more worth focusing about like sleeping the whole night. I do end all my emails with the term “medication and therapy, all is forgiven.” Lol. Yes, I ‘m messing with them. Lol. Therapy has helped me become more mellow about the whole thing. I feel better than I’ve felt in a long time, right now. I’m actually doing well with my blood sugars. I’m trying to rope in the holiday highs by not exposing myself to stress. If I have to leave the house, I will leave the house. But well, yes, I’m doing great as it is. I’m able to focus on my work, I’m feeling like I get enough sleep. I’ll be fine with what is to come.
We need a staff psychiatrist, staff attorney, and staff social worker. The list of staff we need is long and I obviously have to hustle to make money off of fundraisers like well, me pushing people twice my size around, for example. Any martial arts related fundraiser has to be done when my knee is better, when I’m in class again, and when I’m actually getting past belt levels. Yes, I have even thought ahead as to wondering if we need a staff paralegal who would be the attorney’s secretary, along with having a staff administrative assistant who would also be working with everybody else.
Yes, I have many positions to fill. Yes, I have no money to speak of to get started filling those positions. Yes, this is making me crazy since I read from a friend that the veil is thinner this year than others. But at least I made it through October without psychic-linked mania because I have had the mellowest October of my life. Yes, everybody on my staff needs to have a disability. That is a rule. Down to the psychiatrist anyway, I need everybody on the staff to have a disability. I’m taking them all down with me. Hell I could use a computer systems analyst IT person. This shelter will be an art studio for others and myself as well.
There were many years I couldn’t get myself a proper diagnosis with elements in my family trying to stop me. While I was in college, I got off meds for a half semester, then got back on the meds, Abilify, which made me just barely stable. It took me a while to figure out the right sort of medication to be on. It was when I bucked up and saw a proper psychiatrist I got an appropriate diagnosis. I have truly never been hospitalized in the psych ward or for any other reason. I’ve had plenty of ER trips but no real hospitalizations. Let’s see if this holds.
I’ve indeed, managed to stay medication consistent since my 20s. This has kept me out of the hospital. I was denied treatment in high school. I’m relieved I got treatment by now, and am able to make my own decisions relevant to my health as I was ruled competent. Yes, it is other people who do not take their medication consistently that need to be ruled incompetent. Competency means you can put your pill in your mouth and swallow, following directions and taking your medication as prescribed. Certain people used to know how to do this but then she got brainwashed into not believing she needs meds. Now that can never happen to me, because anybody who tries will get sued.
When you deal with constant meanness, it can take a huge plunge. Living by myself has only made me trust myself more when it comes to giving people shit as necessary. I win all confrontations when I’m giving somebody shit anyway. Nobody wins confrontations with me because I give them shit and they can’t just go tell somebody about it. I can argue people under the table. This does make me a tad intimidating to many who should encounter me. I’m not to be messed with. Cyndi Dale in her book, The Intuition Guidebook, talks about how the innocent shall not be harmed. Well, I’ve been an innocent who has been harmed. If this violates a universal law, then okay. This is why I’m taking financial reparations from all bullies, past and present. In the present, I deal with far less confrontational people though. I’m actually not as surrounded by bullies as I once was. So if anybody meets that description and wants to donate to my non-profit, feel free.
Narcissism is on the sociopathy spectrum and sociopathy is a narcissistic trait to have. Narcissism becomes evident in childhood. Narcissistic people have an entitlement complex because they feel that they can do whatever they want. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201802/3-core-facets-narcissism-malignant-adaptive. Narcissistic people are very much into their own life. They have trouble paying attention to other people. Narcissists value self-importance, not humility or getting along with others. Fighting with people is a narcissists’ source of narcissistic supply. Narcissistic people care only about themselves, and nobody else. They are very much specific to that. Normal people marvel at how easily they hurt somebody else’s feelings.
In addition, narcissist have little to no remorse. Narcissists have traits such as grandiose tendencies that amplify when the narc is successful. But when a narcissist is less than successful, when they fail at something like wanting to sabotage someone else to make sure they do not succeed, narcs are deprived of attention-getting status. A sociopath style such as narcissism is all about the narcissist, not the other person. Narcissists are never wrong about anything until something drastic happens to them because their victim refuses to put up with their narcissism. What narcs do not understand is that feelings are not always facts. Facts need to be looked at in a dispassionate manner.
Narcissists are all around self-centered. Histrionic personality people have narcissism, borderline people are in cluster B, and narcissism is just plain old narcissism. Narcissistic people an also be psychopathic, which means that they have no feelings towards themselves or anybody else. Some narcissistic people want love from their families but don’t get it. Narcissist parents however, excel at making their children feel like they will never succeed and that they are no-good failures. Narcissistic people can’t stand it when their grandiose perceptions as well as their self-importance doesn’t survive the scrutiny. They have trouble taking their humble pie because of the arrogance their over-all personality is laced with. This is why narcissist don’t deserve friends and are best dumped.
Works Cited
If the picture of my doorknob is any indication, I have to keep my abilities under control. The second I go out of control, I get hurt or somebody else gets hurt. Mania can leave the victim with a lot to apologize for. This is why one of my Ex-friends is on ignore. Endangering my health with her mania is not cool. I mean she didn’t have much else to talk about except her now-husband. She is not to contact me, period. She deliberately skipped her medication as her roommate sought to inform me over Facebook. My medication keeps me stable.
The bottom-line for the rest of my community, is that I need my medication. Strong life or death emotional fear triggers both my telekinesis as well as my psychokinesis. It is a rush of energy, and then suddenly something bends or moves. Yes, some people wonder why I don’t have a roommate because I want to live by myself. My roommate would have to live with me manifesting my abilities all the time. This is stressful enough on me living by myself. Why should I subject someone else to that?
I live by myself for a reason. My medication taking helps me cope with all kinds of things including stress. It is the only way I can keep myself under control as I have many sorts of anxiety problems, most of which have vanished or are in control because I take my medication. Nobody needs someone with my skill set to be out of control. This why people in the psychic community at large are dumb and stigmatize me for taking medication. I need no further stigma so this is your last warning. I walk away from groups that choose to tell me taking medication can damage you.
iriavp 