This book will eventually be out. I’m just waiting for it to get formatted as I have to pay the person who will be doing this for me some more in the near future should certain layers of extra income should arise. I’ve made some good projections. But anyway, I’m going submit it to this one agency that I found online. I’m also going to try to find more than one literary agent to use for a book like this. Earning my first publishing contract is around the corner. I may be able to succeed at doing this.
I have one copy of a 2003 Writers Market. Magazines arise, magazines fall, but the Internet is your number one resource when looking to publish a book. I guarantee you if my books are published eventually, I will be starting my literary empire. I have SSI coverage until that day comes. I know somebody will call me someday with a contract, if my books sell. Some people might suggest self-publishing again like I did with Opening New Dimensions. But then again they may see this book is ready for publishing. It is a huge teaching tool on how not to take bullying. I could add some stuff about not taking other people’s shit like I learned to do at work 2 Future. I quit second-guessing myself when I had to stand up for myself on any given day.
Money is something I feel ignorant about so I have taken steps to educate myself as to what a bond is. If I can make significant income off of my blog then I can get myself paid insurance and pay for all of my medical care on my own. But see, I like being low-income because it is less responsibility. I have made a list of stock I need to invest in:
Pzifer, they make my medication and I would pay $42.03 for stock in this company. Eli Lilly is another company that makes insulin, which I want to buy stock in. I’d be paying $129.63 as of today. Medtronic, however weird their customer service people are with their ableist bullshit they throw at me, that I have recently given them low customer service reviews about, is another investment I can make. Medtronic has dropped to $90.40 cents. This is something I could invest in if I had the money but I’m sticking with low-priced stock investments. It isn’t as though I’m making a move right now though because I’m doing my best to read about this stuff first, before I make a wise or unwise decision.
You see, mentally ill people have to prove their competency in the ways of money. Google stock these days is expensive, and is $1,178.72, having gone up since my first search, at $1,179.26. Stock is something that can make or break your finances. I also want a bond for $25 with Treasury Direct. See, my family didn’t plan ahead for this stuff. It is why I have no source of significant income and I live paycheck-to-paycheck, Target bill to Target bill. Netflix stock has gone down from $358.86 to $353.18. I’m no expert on stock because I have limited experience with this.
Paramount Pictures (VIACOM) has stock for $14.39 the last time I looked on my list of stocks I want to buy eventually. Google is crazy public company expensive. So I cannot necessarily buy this stock just yet until I make real income. Then I can buy it because Google is always doing well. It is at $14.11 and with the new Star Trek series coming out along with Star Trek: Discovery, the thing is that it could go up. Viacom is a huge company.
The thing is, eBay stock is worth $36.87 the last time I checked it and it has gone down to $36.86. Amazon stock was $1,761.85 when I first looked it up. Amazon stock is now $1763.26. I walked past the Amazon locker and saw it functional in downtown San Jose when I was there last. Abbott makes my test strips and my glucometer, so don’t get any ideas, strips are expensive as all hell and I get mine in on the 30th. Abbott stock is $79.96, dropping to $78.60, because it just decided to do that in terms of market conditions right now. I understand stock prices but not how to invest in the stock market. I might get myself etrade. I may even drag myself to my credit union and my bank to get advice.
https://www.mb103.com/lnk.asp?o=15492&c=918277&a=326272&k=B140EB45EF0265A61089275F0B13582E&l=16381
Okay, I’d spend years at UCLA getting my MFA, my Law Degree/Public Health Masters concurrent degree, Medical scientist degree and M.D. /PH. D in general. Yes, I also want to study archaeology more than my anthropology background, because it is a personal interest of mine. Yes, I want many degrees, and I will be using my law degree to serve as D.A. of Los Angeles, and later serve Congress in Sacramento. Who knows how I will integrate having a husband with all of this? I almost have a mind to say I do not need one. I will be busy. I’m an eat-sleep-study kind of person.
So before anybody in Los Angeles now who I will eventually meet, says anything, I do not like bars, clubs, or noisy auditoriums such as what you wind up getting at shows. Shows are crowded and they scare me. In which case, I’m busy avoiding crowds, because I need better shields despite the manual in my head giving me ideas. I have to go out with someone who has basic skills or even more advanced skills than I have right now.
I fear exhaustion which would drive me back to caffeine addiction. I’m kicking hot chocolate for like a month to see if that makes me feel better at night when I try to sleep more. I have worked on many addictions over the years. Los Angeles night life would drive me straight to alcoholism again. I’d rather go volunteer my time rather than engage in slovenly going after men behavior or getting drunk. I have to prevent myself from sliding into alcoholism, which is what some family with ill will would want. Nobody with my disability should drink, maybe, period. I have schizophrenia, the alcohol never truly helped. I was under the illusion I could behave maturely.
In the present, I have to sign up for some paralegal courses and online UC general ed as best I can. I need to put myself in rehab if I can make $1,200,000,000 out of $100,000 a month from blogging if that is even possible to make on a blog. My psychiatrist seems to have her brain wrapped around the fact that blogging can make you money. I mean I have to take English 1A and 1B over again at De Anza since Foothill and De Anza have different names of classes. I actually have to set foot on the De Anza campus and see a counselor as I want an A.A. in Film and Television for sure, first. An MFA at UCLA is very tempting as is an MBA. But see, I have to make concrete decisions and make enough money to be a full-time student. If blogging can do this, I need more help and have to line up some informational interviews with other bloggers along with me teaching others how to do the same. I have a B.A. in creative writing from San Francisco State University. I would like to become a television producer and work for Star Trek.
When you monetize a blog, you may or may not be able to expect to earn real money from it. Some people live paycheck to paycheck, which is a prospect that rather scares me although that is what I do now, in the present, even with money from copywriting. I have decided that while my knee is still injured, and I’m not 100%, that I need to line up unconventional jobs or sources of income. I’ve monetized my blog since last year in March, and I paid for it myself again this year in January out of low-income. WordPress is a once-a-year fee.
The fee is $96 and I paid an extra $18 in February on the 15th, for some unknown reason. I wish for $10,000 a month, if I could only hope to make that much but for some reason I stay low-income. I can help everybody else manifest things but nobody helps me manifest money. Not even my own family. Affiliate marketing can supposedly earn $50,000 a month, which would be a lavish income for me. https://www.cnbc.com/2017/12/01/28-year-old-blogger-michelle-schroeder-gardner-earns-100000-a-month.html.
Ms. Shroeder-Gardner has an affiliate marketing class I cannot afford that makes her $40,000 to $50,000 a month. I have thought about starting an Udemy class in which I rant about personal responsibility using only my voice not my image. For this I need a videographer who knows how to use graphics in place of an image of me. Advertising can bring in $12000 to $23,000 a month for her and she has managed to make under $1 million. Imagine what I could do with that kind of money? I want to make at least under $1 million or perhaps $1 million itself so I can make a down payment on my parent’s condo.
Here is another example of how people have managed to make money blogging. https://millennialboss.com/2017/05/bloggers-making-six-figures-
millions/.
I want to be that blogger that makes $100,000 a year from blogging if possible, since that is average income in the Bay Area give or take the fact this place is crawling with billionaires, or even millionaires, who are one step below billionaires. Apparently, bloggers make money from a variety of sources. Affiliate income helps bloggers make $1,000 a month. Even making $4,000 a month is something I cannot think about it my head. Even the possibility of me making $8,000 a month is something I can’t wrap my brain around. $8,000 puts me at $96,000 a year. If I publish my book on giving bullies what they deserve, it may make me extra money. I’d like to have some informational interviews with bloggers who make actual money. It’d be cool to see how I can adapt my own situation to make income like this.
Okay, so now I have entered the three jobs mode. I work for an inclusive Christian magazine as well as my first non-profit, an outfit that does supportive work for teachers. I happen to know a teacher or two, I also happen to know that it is low-income and a thankless job that does not pay its people well enough. In this climate, there is no such thing as equal work for equal pay between men and women. This is why I want to work for that non-profit. I also write for Textbroker. My novella is going to wind up being like 15,000 words so as to publish it using my pen name on a fantasy genre website that also does pod casts. I also need to start a blog for said pen name. I’m using a pen name for some stuff because I don’t want family to know I’m publishing.
It really depends on the publication. But hey, I expect my family (Satan in particular), to respect my boundaries and not pry but they have trouble with that anyway. You see, my family is untreated. They view taking medication as a weakness although I had to fight long and hard to get mine, to remove myself from their narcissistic yoke. I take my medication because I’d rather sleep well at night than not sleep at all.
For Greyschool, I need to level up to Year 6 already, by finishing the final for my dreamwork class. I’m using that class to learn dream magick as well as how to sleep at night, the whole night. I woke up twice tonight, which is not so bad as waking up multiple times a night. I have proof now that I’m stable at all hours of the night. I’m most likely to sleep the whole night on Saturdays and Sundays because historically that’s when I sleep better although with my current lifestyle, I can sleep any day of the week, and sleep well. There are days I go to bed at 7 because I’m exhausted. I’m trying to cut out hot chocolate in the morning. I’m seeing if that influences my triggers for PK to not at all. Besides, for my type 1 diabetes I’m trying to cut out sugar anyway. I’m sticking to my guns, and trying very hard. You see, in 28 years, I have not been hospitalized again for diabetes anything. No lows, no crazy highs, I have stayed out of the hospital, period.
The non-profit gig will eventually turn into a paid job. I plan on sticking this gig out for like a year. I’ve unsubscribed myself from all job board messaging. I have this blog, which can earn money. I’m going to research those who have made significant income blogging so that I can do informational interviews with them, so for those who have made money, stay tuned for an email from yours truly.
Here is the Power of Attorney Part 2 post. This post demands a thorough read-through if you expect to pass the quiz. This quiz proves you really know me and that you really care.
Power of Attorney Quiz Part 2
Psychic Ability Questions
1) Why do I live by myself? How do my mental illness and general shyness impact my current living arrangement?
I prefer to live alone because of my ability to finish people’s sentences as a way of using my telempathy. I know instantly when someone is hiding their own pain, since it becomes my pain. I can’t have a roommate because my own pain from their pain would mean I’d pester them into talking despite how they may not feel like dealing with it around someone else, they’d rather deal with it on their own. So yes, I do not want to have a roommate who would get annoyed with my compassion for them or my ability to get them to talk about what is bothering them.
2) Why does mania turn me mirror-universe evil? How does it affect my ethical use of psychic talent?
Mania changes my moral center. I start doing mean things, I can yank trauma out of people’s heads and use it against them. I say mean stuff about everybody to everybody’s face while manic. This is why I take my medication, and am contemplating throwing acupuncture at it. Nobody with my skill set needs to be delusional about things. My ethics get addled by mania. I just get plain mean with truth warped just like my mother when she decides to be mean to me. So I take my medication in order to prevent becoming as twisted as my mother.
3) If I have a severe low, what happens to my empathic talents or anything else for that matter?
I can’t shield, I can’t ground and I’m a mess. Low blood sugar is messy for me to deal with. I should not heal people while severely low much less use telepathy. I can’t even bake properly when I’m low much less cook. My endocrinologist knows first hand about this as I said to her once “don’t bake while low” because I messed up my cobbler when I did that while living on my own in San Jose.
4) Why does pain ground me in my physical body when sometimes nothing else will work and this is why my knee injury lingers. I have found that pain helps me stay grounded, which is not in keeping with a stress-free lifestyle.
Physical pain helps me stay centered in my body. Although I get physical pain from being around untreated mentally ill people or people who are not grounded or taking their medication in general. Anybody who doesn’t take medication is dangerous for my mental health to be around. Pain does help me ground, more than crystals at some point. Somehow, I found I didn’t need my grounding necklaces of my crystals and my spiral when I got injured. Yes, some of you miss these necklaces, but I found I can ground myself without them. I don’t wear them anymore because I want to maintain a low profile.
5) How does psychokinesis get triggered by a low blood sugar, coupled with an intense fear of death? Severe lows scare me because I may not be able to suck it up and treat it if I do wind up passing out in my house, while living alone.
Psychokinesis gets triggered by a low blood sugar that scares me to death, which leads to a fear of death, even if I can suck it up with those lows, rarely passing out. I have passed out a grand total of two times. One was at Target in 2018, January, from a high dropping too fast, I recovered quickly enough so that nobody had to call 911 but not before I put my hands flat on the floor in order to break my fall. I passed out in Chile 2006 over Christmas because my parents demanded I take more insulin than I should. So it was their sabotage although I was willing to sabotage myself since they brainwashed me. Look for my book on that stuff, out eventually. Psychokinesis gets triggered when my body gets warm, almost fevered, and I either touch something or rant to Liz on the phone where I have bent a fork she was next to while I wasn’t even in the room but I was on the phone.
6) Do you have an explanation as to why my parents lied about my IQ for years while I was growing up? Hint: it has something to do with psychic manipulation talent, which I also inherited but that I use to keep people doing good things for themselves.
My parents have an ability to manipulate people’s energy. They can mess with somebody’s thoughts, and make them think specific things to their liking, as they are narcissistic, or worse. My mother once managed to get a medication dose off of a pharmacy technician in Safeway Shoreline back when I lived in Mountain View. This could have cost whomever cracked to tell her that information their freakin’ job. Wow. Just wow. I mean that’s when I figured out it is more than average brainwashing for them. It is truly a psychic talent. I use mine, however, to do good things for others, to help them with better habits for themselves. I know a psychologist whom I have talked into going to bed earlier in order to take better care of herself.
7) How are my physical disabilities related and how does psychic ability influence my health in more than one way? As in, if I heal people too much by giving away my energy, what happens?
Hypothyroidism is caused by 22q. It wasn’t treated properly until I was 20 once again. If I heal people too much, I could get ill with colds, or flus, or worse, the “tired” viruses, like mono, and in general, I could get tired. As in, chronic fatigue tired, too tired to get out of bed that day, unable to feel rested. If somebody feeds on me too much, this is what happens. I could get really sick from giving my energy away, which is why I’m only doing one day of Pantheacon, period. That is it. That is all I have the stomach for.
8) How obvious do I wind up having to make my psychic talent when I let my hair down? As in, the more time you spend around me, the more my abilities come out, which is why I avoid people, as in, I, avoid hanging out with them or talking to them.
My talents lend to making me want to avoid people who think things and feel things with a ten-foot pole. Why? Because I’m scared I can finish people’s sentences. No matter how much I try to reign that in, it eventually pops up. I mean I spend my life trying to manage my saucy smartmouth. My avoidance of people comes from having immense psychic talent, and being shy. I can read people, as in the case when I realized a friend of mine forgot her wallet when we went out. I saw it in my head before she opened her purse. So then I just paid for it because I was like, oh my god, she forgot her wallet. I realized it in my head before she opened the bag, which surprised the person who was running the cash register at the mall.
9) How did having untreated pediatric-onset schizoaffective affect my ability to heal myself and stay grounded since I wasn’t on medication as a child?
My schizoaffective really is linked to my psychic talent. Growing up, I had no idea how to heal myself. I attempted to use energy medicine without full training until I was in my twenties, because back then I had access to a Meetup group. My ability to heal myself is now more accessible and I can heal faster than an average type 1 diabetic. At some point last year, however, I had a cut from scratching my leg that wasn’t healing properly. I needed to go to urgent care for that, to get antibiotic since the damn thing wasn’t responding to topical antibiotic anyway. Thanks Narcissist doctor who pointed that out, which had a consequence of scaring me to death. Scaring me to death for any reason by the way, counts as endangering my health.
10) How does alcohol mess with me? Why did I quit drinking in 2010? Those of you in my A.A. groups would be able to answer this. Hint: I get girly, and easily manipulated.
Alcohol dulls the pain of my psychic talent. I can actually shield, while I feel temporarily good from the high. I get girly, and easily manipulated when drunk. I do whatever the manipulator wants. I drink more if requested of me to do so. My roommates Fall 2004 pulled this with me too along with hostile name-calling me a retard. Alcohol is something that someone like me shouldn’t touch as I have tremendous power but medication works to regulate it. This is why I do not post in psychic groups anymore. They just give you shit endlessly for being on medication, which is not something I can help needing.
11) Why should I embrace my inner sociopath when it comes to my ability to take pain away from other people? Empathy sucks. Why do I hate it sometimes?
When I get frustrated, and stuck in Vampire, Mule, or Healer Syndrome, I get aggravated I’m busy doing the work for people, and pray to be a sociopath for a day. I curse my kind heart. I really hate feeling overloaded, which is what could happen to me in a hospital although feeling my own pain will keep me grounded. Empathy is a skill that makes me crazy. I hate it, I love it, I know how to fuck people up with it. I know how to come up with somebody’s worst fear, in like an instant. I’m kind of like the fear demon on Charmed. He would try to get at people’s worst fear, and try to kill them with it. I can do something similar. I just love scaring people to death. I’m rude to enemies, and kind to my friends.
12) What happens to electronic devices due to telekinesis or psychokinesis? Why do phones drain or crash when I rant about my parents? What does this ranting have to do with C-PTSD?
Electronic devices mess up due to psychokinesis. I can be in line at the grocery store trying to use my fresh debit card, which is brand new but have it read “Chip Malfunction” because I’m agitated, stressed or pissed off at something. My home phone can drain completely because of my family, if I’m discussing them in particular. My cell phone drains like this also. But then again I can charge up my phone when waiting for the bus, and when I’m stressed out that the bus might not show up on time even if they really are working hard to make the bus more on time. They cannot raise the fare any higher than they’ve raised it to $2.50. C-PTSD triggers ranting because I have severe PTSD due to my whole childhood being an exercise in feeling trapped in a situation I could not get out of no matter how hard I tried to.
13) What happens to my abilities when I rapid cycle, and this is why I need my medication? If I’m manic and rapid cycle, why does this make my skill set dangerous for other people to be around?
I have rapid cycling bipolar 1, which means that I can change moods quickly. If caffeine or chocolate is the trigger that is, my moods shift after I eat either. Emotional abuse or abusive behavior of any kind triggers me into PTSD symptoms as well as rapid cycling. My skill set makes it dangerous for me to be around people who would be influenced by my symptoms or even outright pick up on them. This is why I need to take my medication every day. I cannot afford to hurt people with my symptoms.
14) Why does seeing the future suck for me? Why does it confuse me? Why do my premonitions of the future or the retrocognition of the past scare me?
Seeing the future means I can tell if anybody tries to plan a surprise party, well before I’m taken to it or take myself to it. Premonitions do not always come true, although I have seen people at Lucky that I saw in my vision of a racist attack on the light rail. Retrocognition happens to me when I’m in artifact museums. I can see the civilizations that created the artifact in my head.
15) Why does my eidetic memory traumatize me over and over again and why can I remember stuff word-for-word exactly as it happened? Triggering me thus becomes a very bad idea
My near photographic memory makes me remember everything I have ever seen, heard, or talked about and this is a heavy C-PTSD trigger. I can look at the Akhashic Records and see everything in there. This can exhaust me. I get depressed if dealing with my own pain or other people’s pain. This is probably why I need to be sedated if taken into a hospital for other stuff besides my knee. Physical pain helps me shield myself. I would like to be in less pain while shielding myself adequately.
16) What does a low blood sugar or a high blood sugar affect my talents either way my brittle diabetes swings me?
Lows make me unable to filter psychic information. High blood sugar makes me nauseated. I feel bad enough to want to throw up but I never quite get there. Lows make me panic and I feel like I’m going to faint but I never do. I don’t just pass out. It takes a lot to make me pass out as in Chile 2006. I can be 30 and still conscious. Hell, I’ve been 28 and still conscious. How do I stay conscious? Perhaps lentation, my brain perceiving everything as slowing, down, or an adrenaline rush, that makes me go, déjà vu or what the fuck?
17) Why should you never tell a psychic person with OCD that needs better treatment, your indiscretions? Why do I feel I need mental health rehab with my abilities in mind?
If I had treatment, concrete treatment, I would be able to deal with my OCD better. Just don’t tell a psychic who can imagine shit inside their heads that you had unprotected sex without a condom or back up birth control. I just realized how toxic a certain person had become whilst skipping her medication, making herself manic a lot, and in general becoming an unstable mess. Mental health rehab has to take care of my abilities too which means I need to train myself properly here, and in Los Angeles I have plenty more resources from true believers.
18) Why do I puke when overloaded? Success may trigger this or perhaps flying on a plane? Why was my cold not the only vomiting trigger with regard to my trip to Spain in early 2014? What happens to my shields when I get overloaded as in, going to a show? This also means I hate bars, clubs, and auditoriums. So then I ask why do I puke when overloaded as I did while flying January 2014 after one trip to Spain? Hint: extreme fear sets off this need to puke. Having no shields to speak of doesn’t help at all in a situation like this.
I puke when very stressed out. This could mean at a show, at an awards show, or in situations where I have to deal with my parents again. See, being around people with ill will makes me very sick. I mean I turn a ghastly pale color. I get overloaded flying with untreated people like my family. I can’t stand bars, clubs, and auditoriums unless with somebody psychic who can encourage me to discipline my shields. I puke when overloaded. Or get nauseated at least which is a sign to take my medication early. Throwing up is dangerous for a type 1 diabetic with schizophrenia because it would mean that I would have to go to the ER. I mean if I start throwing up it means having to take my medication again, and in turn, I’d just overdose which would lead to a huge crisis so it is best to call 911 if I start puking, period.
19) Why does my chocolate and sugar addiction trigger my psychokinesis?
A perfect example was the last time I went to Pagans In Recovery when I had two chocolate crepes. I come home, I discover my infusion set has failed, I freak out, it takes one whole box of infusion sets to get at least one infusion set in me. This cannot happen often. The needles were bending within my energy field. Heck, my insulin needles were bending as I uncapped them. This is terrifying. It can happen when my fear is uncontrollable. If I have life-or-death fear of death, as in, I’m terrified something may kill me. My doorknob in my garage has a bent lock. Well, the dent is the same size as my thumb because my PK turned on that day after driving, and getting out of the car. I can’t be in a car with PK on because my seat belt could melt. Right now, I have an intestinal obstruction I’m trying to heal myself of although I might wind up needing surgery. This is rather terrifying for me to contemplate. Yes, I’m addict who cracked and engaged in her addiction on the last PIR meeting.
20) What happens to me when I’m manic and very stressed out with no psychic shields around to protect me? Why does that mean I really need to take my medication in that circumstance?
This is not fun. Don’t ever assume mania is fun, it isn’t. If I have no psychic shields, I can’t think. I cannot be in a crowd. I have to hide from people. It is partly a reason why I live alone by myself. Stress can cause my entire shields to collapse. It is why I have to take my medication, and it is why I fear being under heavy stress. I try to lead a stress-free life in the present. I try very hard, ungodly hard, to not be too stressed out. If I am in total flip out mode, which walking into a hospital can set off, I cannot be alone. Hospitals are full of pain, mostly and as an empath, I’d be picking up on that pain everywhere. Telepathy makes it works, so telempaths should not be near hospitals although I want to study western medicine, and eventually I’ll wind up having to do my residency inside a hospital. Somehow I have to get this stuff under control. This is why I need to be asleep when transported to the hospital unless I’m in physical pain like I was for my knee injury in 2016, since I was in pain and my abilities shut off when I’m injured, ill, or very stressed and don’t want to risk sending my pain state to people telepathically. They do not need to know I’m in pain.
21) Why does my psychic ability spin out of control when I’m in extreme pain, and can’t shut out the pain or other people’s perception of the pain that I imagine they might receive? Why do I go into extreme off mode?
This can suck. This is what makes me suicidal, when I’ve had my fill of other people’s pain. This can actually kill me. I worry that I am dumping my pain into others when, in fact, it should be kept inside my own head. I go into extreme off mode because I don’t want anybody to feel it. I rarely pass out, as I did in Chile, over Christmas 2006, because of my mother and that was drama that we don’t need to get into, but it has to do with her Munchausen by Proxy, and wow. I go into off mode so as not to alarm anybody who talks to me telepathically. Remember, I’m shy. I’m painfully shy, I can’t even talk on the phone. I’d rather not. I prefer email or psychic link. If I’m around an actively suicidal person, forget it. I have to get far away from them. See, I can hear suicidal thoughts as well as see the person in the process of engaging. It happened to me with someone I had to dump for my own mental health because she got needy and toxic while taking advantage of me at the same time. A friendship like this can make me seriously ill. I give too much, and only feel better when I give too much, so that can put me into a coma or make me pass out. Thanks, no thanks, I only blacked out one time these last three years, that was at Target January 2018 when I had a high which dropped fast, so I fell over, and broke the fall with my hands using something I had learned in martial arts years ago. I was not in my body for a few seconds. I go into off mode because I feel exhausted all of a sudden. Chronic sleep deprivation can make me pass out or feel like I’m about to because I didn’t sleep well in high school and I was always feeling like I was going to pass out from exhaustion anyway until my OCD medication made a huge difference.
22) How long do you think my lifespan will be? Don’t you dare say 69, because that might be a type 1’s upper limit in stereotype. I’d feel guilty if I got a pancreatic cell transplant when I could afford one. Can a type 1 diabetic have sugar so long it doesn’t mess their glucose up?
Please do not pigeon-hole diabetics as those who die young. Hello, I want to be as old as St. Germaine, who was born in 1691 and died a suicide in 1983 under the name Chanfray. Some say he goes further back in time, as in during the time of Jesus when he turned water into wine. He might have been at the Council of Nicea in 325 A.D. So yes, I want to be a long-lived person since I don’t age that much but I have been finding grey hairs as of late.
23) Why I can I not be around excessively needy people like the ones I dumped two years ago?
I’m not needy, not excessively so because I can stand long periods of time by myself as has been proven by living on my own the last three years since my parents left. I enjoy my own company. I’m used to the idea that I will outlive my friends so it’s a good thing I can make friends easily. My blood sugar started to go wacko in the energy field of this excessively needy friend. When that happens, it means a person’s energy is messing with me and going towards all kinds of toxic. I noticed my time went to her, but she didn’t return the favor. So I realized I needed to dump somebody who wasn’t dealing with her own shit. She could not stare down fear, or talk about it to her therapist. Even if I went with her, the fact of the matter was that she justified her preference for troublemaking older men. Being around bundles of need scare me. I have to stay the fuck away from them.
24) Why do my parent’s energy fields combined me sick, kind of like green kryptonite does to Superman? Why does alcohol set off a similar response aside from making me puke if I ever drink again because I used to have a high tolerance?
My parents have ill will. They are both severe alcoholics. They don’t take medication for their disability that they both have but I’m the family retard. See, they have mental illness unawareness. So in which case, I’m screwed in their presence. I’m terrified of them as they could do stuff to me because of their psychosis. Alcohol would make me puke in the here and now. I’m the only one who recognized I was an alcoholic and did AA and Emotions Anonymous for a long time too. I have been in Pass the Rattle. I’m now in Pagans in Recovery. I know I have a problem, I’m a high tolerance sort and that gets scary because I get fucking dysfunctional. Now imagine how they behave and put the two together.
25) Why do my stress, pain, and fear become an energy form my parent’s want, and why does this cause me stress even when I send their crap back to them?
Yes, I’m into send-it-backs, and mirror shielding. I’m not the sort of person who thinks you should be nice to your oppressors. No. That is crap. If someone is an oppressive person they do not deserve fairness. No. Thanks Misty Rose. I get stress from feeling the pain I cause other people but hey, untreated people are in so much pain anyway, that it is hell to be around them. Yes, a telempath should never go near people who are in that much pain. Why? Because that pain becomes your own pain, and it is hard to be around sadists who do not treat pain.
26) What triggers my psychokinesis and telekinesis?
My psychokinesis is triggered by stress, anxiety, fear, extreme fear, OCD, and mania. If it is a combination of all that, you wind up like the lock on my doorknob in the garage, and you get a melted metal door for all your troubles. I cannot go near any jobs using metal, computers, or plastic right now because I do not have control over my abilities. Telekinesis even shows up at times because I’m livid about my family not taking medication. Extreme, compounded frustration is also a huge trigger for either ability. I’m a rapid cycling bipolar who in high school, blew up light bulbs as well as glass. The glasses on my nightstand would explode. I would have to make shit up about how it fell. My mother and her temper being in proximity to the glass object would set this off. I had these memories long buried. I once had an episode around a friend when we had a misunderstanding. I saw a glass mirror fracture. These are memories I have kept buried for a long time. Extreme trauma can set off broken glass scenarios for me.
27) Why do I want to avoid hetereosexual men and why is my future boyfriend who I have had dreams and visions of, say he’s asexual via psychic link? How is my own asexuality something I need to protect. This question also covers why I had to dump the ex.
If you’ve paid attention to my Facebook, you will know that my future boyfriend has a full name. Bonus points if you remember his name. He’s a second year law student at UCLA. He’s not a typical cishet and is into studying psychiatry like I do. He’s asexual like me, we share a skill set, and so he feels he will eventually meet me. Heterosexual men may be sex addicts if they are pure cishet, I fear them, and really do not want another guy who is not miswired that way.
28) Why do I get ill around anger and yelling? How does this reaction have to do with all the domestic violence I went through as a child?
Angry behavior reminds me of my childhood. I have a no-yelling at me rule in all business situations since if I get yelled at, I walk away. My parents scream non-stop when they are manic because they are both rapid-cycling bipolars who do not take medication. This means the slightest thing could set them off. I’m not thrilled at the way they take no medication. It bothers me, and I have to not think about it too much because it can trigger empathic OCD.
29) Why am I never going to talk to the filthy bitch that said suicide is easy for a Type 1 diabetic, as in “you have it easy,” that’s ridiculous. Nobody needs a suicidal type 1 diabetic. So I do my best to stay on top of things. You know what they do to a type 1 who is suicidal? Watch them constantly. This type of arrangement would make me lose it on the spot.
Yes, sure, diabetics have it easy to kill themselves. Not that I want to do this, because that’s ridiculous. To say this to someone who is also mentally ill is sad, and silly. Do you realize that schizophrenics should not skip their medication? They can’t. It is bizarre that people would even say this to me. I haven’t been suicidal in years even if it is a passing thought when I have sky-high blood sugars. Don’t be a dick and say this.
30) Why can carrying around other people’s emotional shit for them in this way could cause me panic, a coma, or outright turn lethal? Why can’t I not be a “I help people” addict? Why do I have to set limits on how many people get to deal with me on any given day? How do my abilities interact with my mental health creating a need for me to get 11 hours sleep a day? Sometimes it is 12.
I have to watch what I do, because of my knee injury. At some point, I didn’t have these energy issues from 2012-2016 because I was stable. Now with my knee injury as well as other injuries, I have to be careful with where my time goes. I can’t let people send me their pain because I cannot carry it around in my body anymore. This could put me into an unexplained coma, which could kill me. Sometimes being around people in pain sends me straight to panic attack mode but my panic attacks are treated properly by now so my life is no longer about extreme panic, fear, anxiety, stress, and untreated everything because I cannot afford to be in denial about my psychic ability any longer. I have to face it, acknowledge the fact it is real, and deal with it on my own.
1. What results come from my 22q11 genetic deletion syndrome?
Hypothyroidism, schizophrenia, bipolar 1 with mania, hypocalcemia, and hypoparathyroidism. I’m not sure if my magnesium being low comes from 22q11 but it might be a result. My actual diagnostic label is schizoaffective bipolar 1. As in, I’m on the schizophrenia spectrum, the bipolar spectrum, and the OCD spectrum, which is also related to 22q11.
2. What is type 1 diabetes? How do I manage it?
Type 1 diabetes is an illness whose onset is early childhood and is characterized by a loss of pancreatic insulin cell function. It requires the use of synthetic insulin to substitute the hormone that stops being produced when type 1 diabetes is diagnosed. I use an insulin pump to manage it, which requires changing an infusion set every three to four days. (extra points for mentioning the insulin pump in your answer)
3. What other replacement hormones do I take (include doses)? And why?
L-thyroxine at 112 mg, which is synthetic thyroid hormone that replaces the hormone my thyroid won’t make anymore. Your thyroid regulates menstruation, your metabolism, and body temperature. One symptom of hypothyroidism is being cold a lot.
4. List all the supplements I take and why?
5. Where does insulin come from and why can diabetes kill you in 0 to 60 if you don’t have it? (stopped here 10/14/18
Insulin comes from the human body but is synthetic in origin. Diabetes can kill you in 5 minutes if insulin is not present. It is very deadly to do without insulin by whatever means necessary. Don’t worry I take my meds religiously.
6. Why did I cut caffeine from my diet in 2010? What types of caffeine are safe for me to consume? What types can I not have under any circumstances?
Caffeine makes me manic. Coca-cola with caffeine in it, is instant mania. I even react badly to decaf coffee, tea, or Coke. Caffeine that is safe for me to consume is chocolate in any form except chocolate covered coffee beans which is direct caffeine from the source, the coffee bean. I can’t have black tea, green tea, caffeine laced tapioca flavors at boba shops, oolong tea, red tea, white tea, and yerba mate is flat out dangerous. I can’t have coffee without being put in the psych ward for the first time. Hot chocolate is the safest type of caffeine there is for me. Mania is my kryptonite. It makes me pretty helpless under its sway.
7. What is mania?
A symptom of bipolar 1 and bipolar 2, in which there is a decreased need for sleep, when people talk more or feel pressure to keep talking more than necessary. It causes short attention spans from one minute to the next, grandiose thinking, delusions, and flight of ideas. When I get manic I move quickly and walk fast. Many others not me spend money foolishly. Odd sexual behavior is exhibited, along with an increased feeling of horny. There is also reckless driving, agitation and extreme anxiety. OCD in the mix means I think repetitive thoughts that have no basis in reality.
8. How does mania affect me personally?
I ramble. I have grandiose ideas. I talk too fast without pausing. I can’t shut up. I rant about inventing and business ideas. I talk to people about said ideas I forget talking to hence why my mania is a huge security risk for my business ideas. One wrong move and an idiot could take advantage of me.
9. What bone injury happened three years ago, March 7th, 2016 which was aggravated by what?
I fractured my tibia and dislocated my patella. A day later I dislocated my patella twice more. The tibia is a big bone in your leg that helps your knee bend. I fractured mine right at the knee where your knee bends. The injury was not caused by yoga directly but aggravated by wearing worn shoes. I now have new shoes to wear daily but the injury came from my old shoes that I was wearing a lot.
10. Describe hypocalcemia as the cause of the injury.
My calcium is low because I have hypoparathyroidism. Hypocalcemia caused the injury to happen since I was not taking a calcium supplement at the time of the injury. I’m at risk for other injuries give or take my calcium doesn’t go up. A year ago I was not taking a calcium supplement.
11. How does my schizoaffective bipolar aggravate my type 1 diabetes?
When I get paranoid or manic, my blood sugar runs high. If I get paranoid, I have highs upwards of 250 to 350. If I have a high blood glucose that elevated I manage to pretend diabetes doesn’t exist. Scary. I ignore it. Terrifying. I also get depressed or delusional if my blood sugar is that high.
12. I get mean when I’m manic.
TRUE FALSE
13. Describe my insulin pump in one paragraph.
A pager-like device that is worn on the hip and is filled with three days worth of insulin in the reservoir. It continually administers insulin via infusion set which is a tube made of plastic and paper that is taped onto the site area. Basal rates are hourly to every fifteen minutes while boluses are insulin doses administered via a screen that has up and down arrows depending on dosage.
14. Define DNA. (Actual name)
Deoxyribonucleic acid.
15. Why should I never drink alcohol again?
It fucks up my social skills. It is truly fucked I drank so long from age 18 to 29. I quit drinking on my own with limited help. Eventually I just learned to say no. Let’s not get into how much I drank. It was considerable. I had a high tolerance. It severely impairs my social skills. The more I drink, the worse it gets. One drink can utterly impair my judgment. It can also cause mania. And that is why I do not touch alcohol anymore, period. I’m a recovered functional alcoholic. If anybody tries to get me to drink, then I assume you want to put me in the psych ward automatically.
16. Does untreated schizophrenia impair your IQ?
It is a heavy distraction. Once on the meds, it can improve your IQ as well as your attention span. Caffeine use does not improve IQ. If anything, it can fuck it up more. I have never in the past had a low IQ, nor in the present. That is a lie made up by certain people who will not be named. The best answer for this one is to say I have a high IQ, you know it, you see it, and you appreciate it.
17. Does being pigeon-toed as a child cause structural deformities in my legs and would that stop me from practicing yoga, tai chi, and martial arts?
This has yet to be proven. I’m pestering my sports medicine guy to MRI both legs. I suspect I have some problems. Like hell I will stop practicing martial arts. Extra points for knowing how many black belts I want which is four in four different styles.
18. What heart condition was I born with? What do my medical records say about it, which will be quoted below. And why do I not have symptoms in the present? Does this have something to do with my mother’s Munchausen by Proxy?
I was originally born with patent ductus arteriosus. The PDA was diagnosed at 2 to 3 weeks of age, by a cardiac echocardiogram in Spain. No other members of my family are known to have congenital heart disease. The PDA closed at 2 to 3 years of age. I do not have to restrict my sporting activities but I do have a pulmonary valve that makes for turbulent blood flow. As of today, my heart is wired normally. Be wary of what my mother says because she makes stuff up.
19. Why am I so goddamn anxious all day every day sometimes 24/7 and that gets better with my meds?
Anxiety is genetic. It is also a learned behavior that therapy helps you unlearn. OCD is also something I need therapy for. My medication today also helps me unlearn anxiety based behavior. For the most part, my brain is tamed with medication such as the non-habit forming buspar. Ativan made me a junkie. Xanax would have been the same thing. Buspar is easy to learn new behaviors on. It might also be a side-effect of hypocalcemia.
20. What type of medications am I taking and what are their classifications?
(all of it)
L-thyroxine 112 mg thyroid hormone, synthetic, I have to take ½ a pill and 1 pill once a week as a dose increase on a temporary basis.
Buspar 20 mg or more since I pop it to relieve anxiety.
Geodon 140 mg one of 60 and one of 80 – antipsychotic prescribed for schizophrenia. Or 120 because I have the right to raise and lower medication doses myself by now.
Lexapro – antidepressant, 10 mg for OCD
Lamictal – 25 mg at night.
Adult Gummies – 500 mg calcium Vitamin D 700 IU Phosphorus 230 IU
I need to add magnesium permanently. I have been not taking it.
21. I want perfect diabetes and an average of 135 daily.
TRUE FALSE
22. Why do I want perfect diabetes?
I get wound up with glucose above 165 mg/dl. I want perfect diabetes, which would be as if I never felt diabetic again. I want to achieve total control over type 1 diabetes. I want to have an average of 135 mg/dl. I want to be able to eat whatever I want to eat too. I feel at my best when I’m 140-150. I want to make sure that diabetes no longer runs my life at some point in the future when I’m still alive but other people quit doing stuff for themselves. In all likelihood, I’m going to outlive everybody.
23. What counts as a high blood sugar that pisses me off?
Anything above 165 mg/dl because I correct at 165 mg/dl and I feel that I get wound up above 165. If I’m above 260 mg/dl in the middle of the night, I do not drive the next day. I use extreme caution driving unless I manage to stabilize by 6 a.m. I’m close to not needing to wake up in the middle of the night.
24. Why is using infusion sets for the insulin pump a huge calculated risk daily?
I don’t have insulin of my own so I infuse. I risk high blood sugar from the set not working but the benefits outweigh the risks of using infusion sets. Infusion is risky business, sure, but I like it, it causes me to already have perfect diabetes. I can be calm when I go outside the house because I do not have to obviously inject. Infusion sets for the insulin pump come in the mail for free right now because I’m low income but that all changes when I make enough money.
25. Do I need more OCD therapy than I’m getting?
The answer is no duh and self-help books take me so far. OCD therapy is all about managing the symptoms, the anxiety and not only do I have OCD, I have generalized anxiety in many forms. I didn’t grow up with medication for it so I had to live with extreme fear, anxiety, feeling like I was going to pass out from exhaustion, or just plain fear in general.
24. Why is using infusion sets for the insulin pump a huge calculated risk daily?
My infusion set can go down at any time. An infusion tube can fail leading to massive high blood sugar such as a reading of 475 mg/dl. The benefits of infusion outweigh the risks as is often the case with the act of taking medication as well.
25. Do I need to be in Bridges to Recovery mental health rehab in Los Angeles?
TRUE FALSE
https://www.mb103.com/lnk.asp?o=15068&c=918277&a=326272&k=2D9D3525E89D529B59BB610AC11B1361&l=16619
It is time for me to get my artwork out there. That might sell to raise money, even if I feel I need an art class, which I haven’t taken in a very long time. I also get plenty of art in occupational therapy. I need to buy more art supplies, so donations happily accepted but see, it is best to leave it at the post office if you live in San Jose. I stay hidden in the shadows. I would like it if you send me an email before just showing up. The post office is off of Blossom Hill and Cahalan. I’d rather you guys just drop stuff off there and stay hidden yourself if you need that.
This blog is one way to be half-way out of the closet I keep myself in. The broom closet, the psychic closet, and well, other closets. Oh and the South American closet since some people do not think I’m Spanish. I can hide my race indefinitely as I’m a morphing half-white person whose Chilean half is Brown. In my childhood photographs I’m dark brown. Satan, well, she didn’t know about Sunscreen. Since it is past daylight savings and we’ve had a normal winter, I need to use sunscreen daily. I have some waiting to be put outside.
iriavp 