Since 2010, I haven’t touched booze. I’m an alcoholic and I know it by now because I can’t control my drinking. Alcohol makes me way too conventional while taking shit from everybody who gives me shit. It atrophies my social skills because I forget to analyze true intentions. I stay away from that substance because I’m already a sugar junkie. Sugar addiction in childhood points the way to alcoholism as an adult. Sugar helps kids as well as adults, with their focus. Sugar does, however, mess up your metabolism, because you need more of it to be able to pay attention to anything at all.
Alcohol is merely sugar and wheat (beer) or sugar and grapes (wine) that have been fermented. Vodka can come from a variety of plant sources such as potatoes or molasses or grapes. I was into all of it. I had a very high tolerance. You see I was drinking on meds. I happen to be vaguely aware of other people who do this. Alcohol was once used as medicine but it is addicting to me personally. Drinking on medication is the worst, as I lost a lot of good judgment right there. I start having social skills issues, and I become very compliant.
I’m sure this is why the Ferengi would love it if I drink a lot again. They are busy denying they have a problem although sometimes they can stick their heads out of the duck blinds they are ensconced in. They are truly trapped in their duck blinds. If I ever go back to drinking, instant rehab for me, and I do need more comprehensive treatment than I’m getting right now as I do not have a therapist, period. I can’t drive all the way to Mountain View to go to Community Health Awareness Council anymore.
I need a sliding scale company that allows people to pay this way based on income or lack thereof. I mean in my family, some have hinted, drink and I pay for school. The answer is no, alchy pusher, no means no. How firm do I have to be? No, I do not drink. I don’t touch alcohol. It is my kryptonite because I lose my super-strength. I have trouble walking past the alcohol aisle. I do not want to touch alcohol ever again. THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT I’M AN ALCOHOLIC WILLING TO ADMIT IT WHILE OTHER PEOPLE ARE NOT. This stance on alcohol goes to family friends as well. NO-MEANS NO. I don’t drink, not even on Christmas. NO, MEANS NO. Don’t be rude to addicts who have admitted they have a problem, which is more than I can say for you.
2009 was a rough year for me as I was unstable still, although my psychokinesis was manifesting a lot, and I was still an alcoholic trying to quit alcohol as well as getting embroiled in constant drama with my family. So I was trying to quit drama and alchy at the same time. They are totally unaware, btw, of how much constant drama they throw around. I have since not had that to complain about at home because they left me alone with moving to Spain. I’m just done being around unstable Narcissists, and people who do not think they need therapy. Somebody who says that is a red flag. I’m more determined than ever to avoid toxic people or situations.
I was an anti-vaxxer once, in 2009 with the swine flu I decided not to get any vaccines that year. I wound up not getting sick since the flu that bad could have hospitalized me. I have yet to deal with the flu while living on my own but see, living without other people means I do not always get their germs. This is why I enjoy living by myself. ::GRIN:: I bought into the bullshit that vaccines caused autism. No, they don’t. Vaccines do not cause autism, I have since met my friends on the autism spectrum who sorted me out. Then it hit me that the last people on earth I suspected of having autism, have autism if they have at least one kid on the spectrum.
My understanding of ADD is quite limited, however, because I haven’t read enough about it or taken schoolwork on this mental illness. I have met people who have it though, a whole family, and it runs on both sides of the Ex’s family. I mean I’ve also met friends who have ADD in their family too, passed from mother to daughter. Some people can go forever, chugging along with their illness in tow. Just look at my untreated family who don’t take meds for any reason. Not even for other arthritic conditions they have. Constant pain is preferable to treatment? I mean many of my illnesses were not treated in time.
Diabetes put me in the hospital. But well, I was an anti-Western medicine person until 2012. I got on the right medication, I managed a stint at the psychic hotline. I now am working that job as an attempt at something akin to full-time or part-time employment. Back in 2012, I was attempting to lose weight. I succeeded in losing weight by 2014. From 2012-2016 I was stable and having a good time despite my fractured tibia and dislocated kneecap. I have more reasonable, less paranoid thoughts on everything when I take my medication. I was no longer prone to paranoid thoughts about my interest in conspiracy theory or aliens for that matter. I was no longer paranoid that people were talking about me or conspiring against me. In fact, these days, nobody can tell I have schizophrenia.
I used Toastmasters to learn better social skills along with making myself figure out what normal people are like since my family has personality disorders amongst their difficulties. This is why I’m off to Mt. Shasta when they come back. Consider this my first research trip since I need to find other contactees among other more outlandish things I don’t want to mention. I have seen UFOs, five lights traveling in a row on a cruise ship that was near the Catalina Islands. The five lights made a circle and then disappeared, so began my lifelong interest in science fiction and UFOs. I want to write my own UFO researcher book as to when our first contact will happen.
Some people just enjoy making shit up. I do not have a low IQ, I never had a low IQ. My IQ falls within normal ranges. I’m sure if I ever got around to a Stanford-Binet IQ, I’d rate quite high. I mean, Mensa high. People in college sure found my paranoias revolving around my disability quite funny, funny enough to get picked on for it when that was unnecessary hostility. In college, I determined I shouldn’t speak to people about it although after college, I didn’t get my schizoaffective diagnosis until I was 30, and by then I worked hard to quit drinking because I’m a functional alcoholic.
Drinking is an all-around bad habit. I quit drinking because I wanted to stop driving my brain into the ground with it. Drinking can cause alcohol-related brain damage as if schizophrenia doesn’t already cause it. I have a normal IQ however, and anybody who called me a retard in college needs to pay up. Donate to my GoFundMe, for example, which is only asking for $1,000. I’m busy trying to make a living. I have partially succeeded. I’m chunky right now which makes me need to lose weight. I have a strong need to do this because I have worked to get myself to the point of doing better with my weight.
You see, the Ferengi chose to lie about my IQ to my teachers in school. I do not have a low IQ, this is a ridiculous claim since low IQ doesn’t run in my family, period, although I would have certain family members evaluated for schizophrenia and dementia. Sadly, this lie really bothers me but that’s why they do it. To get under my skin, specifically and besides that, I know somebody talked about my disability to my neighbors if only because somebody asked me how to get her son on SSI because he wasn’t. Yes, I know somebody talked.
The thing is, distant relatives, who are reading this in English, I think you need to view the Ferengi in a suspicious light until they get medication and get stable. How can one survive without medication? This is ridiculous. Both have a disability, a severe, life-impacting disability. If people need to wear hearing aids, then wear one. This is why I’m escaping to Mt. Shasta when they come back. I need to get the hell away from my family for a vacation. A real vacation and a way to research UFO contactees as well as uncover some stuff on my own.
Atlantis
I was a scientist who built atomic bombs and other inventions, in Atlantis, in one of my past lives. Atlantis was destroyed in part because of myself and other scientists. Atlantis left behind a lot of stone monuments, technology, and evidence found underwater while doing research in the Caribbean. The skilled people from Atlantis had to evacuate since Atlantis destroyed Lemuria and Mu, as well as themselves. Atlanteans escaped to many continents including Egypt. The Atlanteans were the ones who built the Pyramid structures, as well as the Great Pyramid. There are three archives I want to uncover, leftover from the time of Atlantis, found in the Yucatan, (Mexico/Beliz), in Bimini (the Bahamas), and one in Egypt.
In my modern life, I look to study archaeology and use real science to work on pseudoscience despite the fact that my work will never be taken seriously by real science even if I go through Archaeology school so that I can prove Atlantis existed, as well as work on finding their lost technology. Earthquakes and floods destroyed the continent of Atlantis along with Atomic bombs destroying the Asian continent of Yu. Atlantean culture eventually was gone for good because of environmental devastation. The mountain of Atlas had towered over Atlantis many years ago after the great devastation and destruction.
Negative E.Ts. were going after the Atlanteans. I’ve always understood that it was their technology, and arrogance about their advanced civilization that led to their destruction. If Earth is 4 billion years old, then Atlantis could have been possible. We had brought the devastation on ourselves with our arrogance. The destruction of Atlantis happened 28,000 years ago, but it still reeks in our memory since we are about to destroy ourselves again if our current world leaders drop the atomic bomb. I need to get more books on Atlantis, so off I just went to the library portal so that I can find fiction and nonfiction on Atlantis as I’m writing fiction about Atlantis and I also want to read the non-fiction since that would fill in the gaps.
Works Cited
http://thegreaterpicture.com/atlantis.html
We live in intense times. The world’s wealth is not being distributed evenly as the 1% grow richer. These are people who on a whim, start wars, make sure despots get elected, and do a lot to undermine sustainability by pushing fossil fuels on Earth humans. Earth humans leave a lot to be desired as we consume goods that are wrapped in plastic packaging that doesn’t easily biodegrade. We have many chemicals on earth that cause health problems. Most do not attribute the cause of pollution to be the cause of illness, but it is there.
We are responsible for polluting our environment in this incarnation, yet again. If this planet is 4 billion years old, many civilizations have come and gone, some have destroyed themselves and others may have survived, morphing to adapt with their changing times. Fossil fuels are getting old. More options for fuels are slowly presenting themselves. You cannot always count on alternative fuels however since many are still in development. The fossil fuel industry is kicking and screaming to stay in power, even as ways to turn plastic back into oil are being worked on by scientists in Japan. They are terrified of changing times.
If every developed country in the world has money as a system of currency or exchange, then we are living under global fascism because democracy may or may not exist. This applies to every country that has money/debit/credit. Our need for credit is what enslaves us. We are pushed around by money. This is why universal income needs to be put together. Some more progressive, Scandinavian countries do this. They manage to have universal income, if only because the income means that everybody has a chance. There is so much poverty in the United States alone. Homeless people want to work even though they are just stuck in the mutual ruts of alcoholism and drug addiction. It is time to bring about a day when rich people start to distribute their wealth to the common people. Class is determined by income. Money does this to people. It is disconcerting that some people have multiple homes, cars, etc. while others go with nothing. We have to change this income inequality on our planet because Earth is all we have. We are so primitive that some people have the expectation to go without. This is troublesome because we need to change the way things are done since other countries do not have as many homeless as the United States does.
I need to establish an Anger Room but I have limited seed money and at this time other projects like the t-shirt business are more important. A concept such as the Anger Room is established out of Dallas, Texas. I would like to start franchises all over the Bay Area, such as San Jose, Berkeley, San Francisco, and Palo Alto. This company is quite serious about having a safe place where stressed out people can lash out in a contained, safe environment. The Dallas, Texas location is worth visiting since it is the only open location worldwide at the moment.
However, people who are pregnant, with severe health issues and mental illness are not allowed to participate unless they have a note from a doctor so as to need special arrangements to be made. I have some major frustration issues but my knee being the way it is with the injury is probably why I am not allowed to participate until it heals. Being as low-income as I am right now, I cannot start a franchising opportunity since I have to make extra money first. I’m fascinated by the Anger Room concept in general because my whole life I have carried around pent-up frustrations without many opportunities to release it. My friends do not want to hear me venting if my frustration is my untreated family who do not take medication.
Now that is frustrating. The Anger Room is marketing itself as a safe place to vent, as they are opening another Texas location and a Kentucky location. I’m very interested in having a franchise someday. At the Anger Room, it would seem there is no judgment, public humiliation, and consequences. (https://www.angerroom.com/about/) The rooms are outfitted with stress relief props that you can break. The whole concept of the anger room is something I’m fascinated by. I can get a note from every doctor I have if you want. This is interesting and it is why I’d be happy to set up a franchise if I could.
Drinking is commonplace. Alcohol is everywhere. People use it to relax. Some of us know our limits but others do not. We shall say that the Ferengi are like this (my family). I decided to admit I have a problem. In Spain, at 18, my cousins got me drunk years ago. I’m not as drunk now as I was then, because my drinking didn’t help my schooling. I started at 21 and didn’t quit until 30. I admit that I have a problem. I’m an alcoholic. I do 12 step groups.
Nobody else I know is willing to admit they have problems. I was hanging out with marijuana secondhand smoke for way too long as well. I like my personality clean and sober even if I find I have trouble with standing up for myself when run down, which is when somebody will pick on me. Alcoholism is everywhere. Nobody who has it really sees it as a problem since many drink too much. More than 1 drink is past the limit, and you have to wait a while in order to drive. I finally kicked my alcoholism to the curb in 2010, when in 2007; I saw that it atrophies my social skills as well as my discernment. Alcohol is not good for me.
That is my bottom line. My family would sooner expect me to start drinking because “it was better when you drank.” Oh yes, singing the praises of booze or cigarette smoking. How delusional is that? Very. Smoking can kill you and so can alcohol. Some of us know how to limit our drinking while others do not. I stay away from people who drink now. I demand they stay away from me. I have totally quit drinking and I feel sober for life. I haven’t had a drink in at least 8 years or perhaps more? You see, my cousins pointed out my behavior in which I had three drinks at a bar in town back when I used to live in Mountain View. I’m still appalled that I got that plastered on a regular basis. In college, the time to be a heavy drinker, I had a high tolerance. Now I’m not necessarily able to drink and that would destabilize me. The rare moments alcohol has sneaked into my food, I have managed to go to bed early feeling wasted. I do not do alcohol in food though. I have had a few accidental intakes over the years, but I’ve finally beaten my alcohol addiction for good.
Sure, the deal is with some people, that if I start drinking again, I’m going to get a check for school money. I refuse this bribe. Drinking makes me unstable and unable to process stuff socially. It is not better when I drank, oh no, and somebody said that to me so that’s why I’ve blown them off for family holidays the last two years. I betcha he’s still wondering what he did to make me disappear. I disappeared, deal with that, as I do not want to die of alcohol poisoning, overdose, or just plain good old manipulation.
Alcohol is my kryptonite, I have spoken of this on Facebook plenty of times in an effort to keep loopy fruit loops away from me. I grew up as a caffeine addict using soda, and caffeinated tea just to focus on schoolwork, which I could barely focus on sometimes. Caffeine didn’t help. Caffeine provides fake sobriety. I plan on updating this blog every day this month and twice a day, the next. It is a job I can stand, and one that has opened the door to make money. I mean I hope I make significant income.
All alcohol does to most people is poison your body. Sure it tastes good, but sooner or later addicts need to stop drinking. You addicts are blocked on Facebook because I want nothing to do with your addiction. I will not be home for people to come back. I’m not going to wait around for the Ferengi to come back. I refuse to be home so they can victimize me. It is why I’m leaving the day before they show up. I want to make enough significant income so I can take the bus somewhere. I need to go on a real vacation. I also need money for new clothing but that’s not going to happen any time soon unless this blog can make money. In which case, I need to update it daily.
This rant will be brief but it will discuss in plain, simple English why I never had a low IQ to begin with. The Ferengi lied about my IQ to my teachers. That is not fucking funny. I never had mental retardation, period. I had pediatric schizophrenia, which should have been easier to deal with had I been told it causes hallucinations and delusions. I spent my childhood afraid of myself. I was afraid of my brain, terrified really. I was delusional all the time but somehow managed to function. I was not allowed to take medication until my 20s. My hypothyroidism was not discovered until I was 20.
Believe the Ferengi (my family) at your own peril. I never had a low IQ but that was what they told my teachers even if Shebeast would go back to them saying I was smart. I spent my life paranoid about my IQ and whether I was on the autism spectrum or not, while in college. But these days, I know I’ m a pure schizophrenic who is not “neurotypical” or somebody without a mental health problem. My family is brainwashed to believe specific lies. On account of those lies, some have called me names on occasion. Quit doing that because you really do not want to piss me off.
I’m epically frustrated by my family not treating their illness. Two schizophrenics beget a schizoaffective, that is just a fact of life. I cannot be around their energy so I’m leaving for a vacation. If I can make money blogging, through my artwork, or working for my psychic hotline, then fine. I was bullied for no good reason growing up. I seek reparations from the bullies. If you can give me money, I need seed money for my business ideas. I will eventually publish a list of names and what they owe.
We schizophrenics, hear voices. This is a fact of life. My voices call me a retard and abuse me just like my family has. That can be improved with therapy however so I can build a better self-image. You see, my self-image problems are magnified sometimes. I wonder all sorts of dark things I’m not prepared to say out loud. I do have hallucinations like I’m made of a bunch of insects or snakes. Or my room is filled with snakes, similar to that one Indiana Jones movie when this happens. I’m able to get rid of these delusions because of my meds, which other people in my family do not understand help this stuff go away.
Cognitive behavioral therapy may help the voices go away, but fat lot of good that does me because I have to have a good therapist for that, a real Ph.D. Group therapy as well as family therapy may be useful for this stuff. I have no intention of dying early although some people refuse to pay for my law degree or any further academic work. I only had them pay for a year of San Francisco State when I got my bachelor’s because after that I got a scholarship every semester for two years. I refuse to die early because I’m a tough bitch. Schizophrenics die early? (https://www.livingwithschizophreniauk.org/people-with-schizophrenia-are-dying-too-early/)
I do not want to die young. I’m going to make it to old age. I have friends who are ancient like one of my Work 2 Future teachers who will not blab about how old he is but I’m curious since he got skinny, which extends his lifespan. The brain of a schizophrenic lights up as they hear voices as if they are really hearing them, when in an MRI machine. The voices are real to us. So I wonder how those not on mediation cope since the voices can get mean and nasty. I know that people who hear voices sometimes act on what the voices say to do. Voices are mean to you, this is the nature of who they are. This is why in ancient times, schizophrenia was thought of as demonic possession. You can be schizophrenic, and have demonic possession though, as is prevalent in my family. The voices say really mean things designed to wear you down. It is their nature, but the duty of those of us on meds is to never listen to them when they say meaner things. Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade had great lives, but they were depressed. I hope that when I get to this point, I don’t do anything silly like freak out enough to put myself in a psych ward, if only because I feel bad about succeeding. Yes, I worry this will happen when I get my Ph.d. if there is ever money for that.
iriavp 